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  1. MindfulAgony

    Advice for first meeting a metamour?

    Thanks! Lots of great advice on the thread. She calls herself "monogamish." So, I follow suit. She hasn't dated but she'd be open to something on the very casual end of the spectrum. It's her label to apply to herself as she pleases. I'm not going to quibble with it. Certainly, GG's...
  2. MindfulAgony

    Advice for first meeting a metamour?

    Metamour intro meeting gone wrong Hey Y'all. Don't pop in here often any more. But, needing some advice in a forum wherein which neither of my core partners participate. Quick background: I've been dating J who lives up here in Seattle for just over a year. I've been dating R for about 7...
  3. MindfulAgony

    Polys opinions about monos exploring poly appreciated

    I can't speak to the kink aspect of this question. I can say that many of us have the experience of dating someone poly-curious or transitioning to poly only to realize well into the connection that poly isn't right for them. This results in heartache (and sometimes drama). I've recently had...
  4. MindfulAgony

    Open Marriage...Starting Anew

    Sounds like you've been through quite a lot, grown some, and much of the trust that was lost a year ago has been rebuilt. I hope that's the case, as it'll make what you're proposing easier (maybe even just possible). I agree with PolyGamerGirl that purely sexual relationships are somewhat...
  5. MindfulAgony

    Why and how did you get into poly?

    It as good a reason as any to try poly. But, I would suggest making sure it is something that fits you in a deeper way. If you see yourself loving more than one, how do you feel about partner's loving more than you? Polyamory can be difficult for some because it can require a high emotional...
  6. MindfulAgony

    My husband thinks he is poly? How can I tell?

    Exactly this^ I'll add that I would hope that you forgive him his transgressions some day. But, that's different than saying I hope you come to accept this relationship and be poly (for him). This may not be the right answer for you. Take the time that you need to figure it out. Ask for the...
  7. MindfulAgony

    Swinging to poly changed my mind

    Might be a good idea to suggest he join the forum and join the discussion. If you were open from the beginning and he says that the rules have changed, it sounds like you have had different views about what "open" really meant. I realize that your relationships were swinging, but it's not...
  8. MindfulAgony

    Will I ever be happy again?

    I hear you but I think you missed what I intended to be the major point of my post. It doesn't seem that non-monogamy will solve the kinds of things you were dealing with in your initial post. May be a piece of the puzzle. But, don't forget to look for the other pieces of the puzzle that are...
  9. MindfulAgony

    Convincing mono partner

    Boba said it. You've suddenly changed the rules of the game. Take it slow and expect it to be hard. The only way through is to stay with that hardness with tenderness. Meaning don't get angry that she just doesn't get it. If she's willing to engage in the conversation, she's doing more...
  10. MindfulAgony

    Will I ever be happy again?

    My advice is to not view the issues as one in the same. Your happiness is not the same as your libido is not the same as the health of your relationship is not the same as being poly. They are intertwined to be sure, but you'll need to find more space to deal with the causes of each. Some may...
  11. MindfulAgony

    Different blowjobs for him and for me

    :o You are welcome. Glad it resonated with you. Also, awesome that you've come to terms with your body that you both can agree on ;)
  12. MindfulAgony

    Dating and money

    This. Be honest about it and relax. You'll both have more energy to be creative on how you connect once you can do that.
  13. MindfulAgony

    Different blowjobs for him and for me

    This is where you get into the territory of is she doing it because she enjoys it or because it's something she feels she "should" do in new relationships. We often do this. Do all sorts of things we don't or only marginally enjoy because we so very want to please our new partner. Once the...
  14. MindfulAgony

    Relationship commitment

    It's interesting to me. Commitment generally equals sexual fidelity for monos (plus often other stuff too). Commitment for polys? Is often some form of agreement... primary dynamic or some negotiated agreement. I just don't view things that way. Commitment is only partially glimpsed by...
  15. MindfulAgony

    Different blowjobs for him and for me

    Agreed. Communicate. Ask for it. Give it a name. Then, give in kind. Ensure your passion, engagement and understanding of her desires/needs matches that which you seek. On the other hand, I'd probably be as jealous watching it. Probably why I don't/won't watch a partner with someone else...
  16. MindfulAgony

    Is polyandry less common than multiple wives?

    In my experience, there seems to be more female centered V's or other configurations who are active in all aspects of the social poly scene (both online and local community groups). My assumption tends to be that there are two reasons behind that: the first, is that I'm assuming that the women...
  17. MindfulAgony

    Being Poly & Staying Friends with Your Ex

    I wrote about this recently in my blog. I think it helps a ton given how small poly communities are and the different relationship forms/connections one can have in the poly context.
  18. MindfulAgony

    my husband's actions - NRE or something else?

    I'll help you out here for others as well. Here's the thread
  19. MindfulAgony

    Any manicorns out there?

    I'm sure it's possible. The problem is that bi-sexuality is much less accepted for males than it is for females. So, a lot of bi guys are very secretive or in denial. Good luck with your search. Sounds somewhat more difficult than th typical unicorn search.