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    passive-aggressive husband

    It's also fair to point out that, for most people who are PA, it's a communication habit that has been developed over their lifetime, often stemming from their family dynamics. I've never seen or known anyone who got into a relationship and suddenly became PA if they hadn't already had some of...
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    Planning pregnancy - changes

    If you'd rather not use condoms to preserve the intimacy and sexual sensations of sex without them, you could also look into diaphrams (way better than they used to be!), FemCap w/spermicide, and female condoms.
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    passive-aggressive husband

    Talk to him about it directly, ans ask him what he prefers. Many people prefer to not hear details about their metas. Ask him what his preferences are on that kind of talk? Maybe just "I have plans with X on this date and time" works best for him, and that's totally okay. I don't advocate DADT...
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    My wife wants me to sleep with other women

    Also, you have to be upfront with anyone you are sleeping with that they're essentially porn for you and your wife: that you'll be telling her about it and using it in your bedroom fantasies, and that the primary reason you're doing it is to fulfill those fantasies. I'd argue that this kind of...
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    What to do next

    Actually, while it's not technically required, it's explicitly asked in the user guidelines that couples do create their own accounts, because it's really important that everyone in the conversation have their own voice. Right now, that isn't happening. It's not about deception, and there's no...
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    Autism and Polyamory

    Have you talked to a lawyer? In most states, being poly won't mean you're unfit in any way, as long as you are demonstrably providing good care for the child. But, you should be up front with your legal counsel and find out what your local laws are.
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    Here Is My Intro

    You are not a healthy poly couple. Going "toe to toe" with him will not make you a healthy poly couple. There is not a single thing in your post to indicate this man is capable of being in a healthy relationship of any kind. People treat you how you teach them they can treat you. Leave. This...
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    What to do next

    If she wants to be involved in the conversation, she should be involved in the conversation. Right now, she isn't involved in the conversation. You are involved as a unit (at best--at worst is that you are the one choosing how to say things, what things get said, etc., which results in spin no...
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    What to do next

    Having read your introduction thread, you definitely need to do a site search here on "unicorn hunting" and "triads." You don't "add a third person" to a relationship...that isn't how it works. Please, before you go any further with this, read what I linked above. You are not wrong for being...
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    What to do next

    This is going to come out harshly, but there's not a lot of good ways to say it: if she's so busy that she could barely squeeze time in to see you, she's either 1) just not that into you--because if she were, she'd be making time and/or 2) too busy for a poly relationship regardless of her...
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    Feeling crowded by metamour

    You can set your Faceook posts to exclude anyone you like from viewing them. They're not aware of this (I know, I do it all the time), so you can avoid her seeing your convos and not have to worry about her being pissy about it. You can also create groups of your friends, so that you can post...
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    Pompoir / kabbazza

    For what it's worth, this is true for me, as well, but I have not had children. My guess on this is that it's more about my comfort level and ability to relax and not freak out, as well as having developed the habit of using more lube now than I did when I was 20. And, that my partner(s) take...
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    Options for Communication with Meta in Vee

    Been there, done that, got the Tshirt. It sucks, and I am sorry your meta is such a PitA. And, while I agree that your hinge is doing a poor job of hinging and needs to stand up to your meta for what he wants, the simple truth is that, as his legal wife, she can make things incredibly difficult...
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    Saying Hi From the Middle of Nowhere

    Welcome! Kevin, our unofficial official greeter will be along soon with the more formal hello, but I wanted to pop by and let you know how much I enjoyed your introduction! It's wonderful that you have family support, and people with experience that you can talk to. I do see how caring for the...
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    Poly virgin here

    Why do you need a bi woman, rather than a lesbian woman who would be interested in you and/or a separate straight woman interested in him? Or are you looking "as a couple?" Some people, when they first think of poly, think it means dating as a couple; but, in reality, that isn't a good idea...
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    New but not new

    I think he's saying he's not turned on by his wife sleeping with another dude, so therefore, since nothing's in it for him, it's not okay (because everyone should be turned on by who their partner fucks, because otherwise it's just not right! /sarcasm). Simple OPP issues. And his wife says...
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    Pulling the plug

    So, you called it off on Nov. 5th, but it's clear he did not. Yes, it's something that is not uncommon if partners have "veto power." It sounds like a good idea, but often goes terribly awry in real life. Is it emotional cheating? If he agreed to call it off, then arguably, yes. And, while I'm...
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    New but not new

    Everyone is entitled to look for whatever they like, of course. What we are saying is that you're restrictions are off-putting to many of us because they are so lopsided. They also greatly reduce your chances of finding anyone. There are exponentially more couples out there looking for "their"...
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    New but not new

    And, did you read the articles or do the searches recommended?
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    New but not new

    And your "unicorn" gets what out of this deal? -She has to be a secret (so either has to never be around or live a total lie when your son or anyone else you feel "won't understand" is around, and can't be seen being at all "couple-y" in public or introduce you to friends of her own that might...
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