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  1. C

    His broken heart & my anxiety

    it's been a while since I posted, poly life was going along pretty uneventfully. But eventually something always seems to happen and I am in need of some perspective. My boyfriends other partner recently broke up with him and he is completely heartbroken. He regarded her his primary (even...
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    do you know any long-term successful polyamorous relationships?

    I've been with my legal husband for over 20 years, non monogamous for 8. During those 8 years I had 2 longish (several years) relationships, which I would call 'succesfull' even though they ended. I've been in a very unconventional, on/off / mostly platonic / but very intense relationship with...
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    Hierarchy dilemma

    he told me he definitely wants me to meet his parents, and that he wants to continue taking trips with me. (We already go on lots of short trips together. The trip I mentioned in the OP is a big one, where she is traveling to his home country with him to meet his extended family. It is not...
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    Hierarchy dilemma

    Thanks, all. Well, yesterday I sent him a message saying that there was something I wanted to discuss and could we set a date? Of course he got real curious so after a bit of back and forth I decided to do it over messaging anyway, with the stipulation that we would both be very careful not to...
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    Hierarchy dilemma

    Ravenscroft, I do not consider him a 'blabbermouth bragging about his studliness'. His first year of being poly, he wasn't out. I love that now he is proud of his life. When someone asks if he has a girlfriend he says 'yes, I have 2!' and shows a picture of me and Lin together. That is...
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    Hierarchy dilemma

    Bluebird, I would like to be more involved in his life... meet his family etc. But basically what I now feel is that if he were to tell me that he considers Lin his primary and that it isn't likely that he will do those things with me.. that would hurt, yes. But it hurts more that it seems that...
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    Hierarchy dilemma

    So, my BF and I share a hobby. Actually he's had this hobby for a long time and introduced me to it, and I am still in the NRE stage with this hobby where I try to learn stuff, acquire skills and read a lot about it. I joined an online forum about it. After browsing for a while I noticed BF's...
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    Not sure whether...

    I 100 % agree with this. Of the 50+ dates I went on (after meeting people online) only a handful of men turned out to be very different from what I had imagined them to be. I LOVE online meeting / dating. When I say I have had succes.. that means 4 actual relationships, varying in length form...
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    Not sure whether...

    none? at all? Not even music, books, writing, movies (things you often talk about here?) I don't mean to sound harsh. But if you perceive yourself as someone without interests, that could be a reason that convos on OKC fizzle out. Personally, I would not be able to keep a conversation going...
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    Not sure whether...

    I have had very good luck with online dating... for dating. But maybe I am wrong, but it sounds to me you are not really looking to date, but you are more looking for friendships / a busier social life? While OKC has the option to say you are looking for friendships, I don't think it really...
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    Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

    So I thought this would be the right place to post this .. a question.. do any of you OKC users have a kind of litmus question you look up on the profile of people who messaged you or people you are interested in? I obviously always check what they answered to questions about non monogamy and...
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    The journey to myself

    I do! All the time. And like you I feel I have to work on it and I do work on it. It can still hit me like a very unpleasant ton of bricks though. I think it's something that's (for me) more likely to occur with a partner I don't live with. With Ren I know I will always see him at the end of the...
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    Nobody's Fool

    I am also very much enjoying your blog and your thought processes. Also I want to applaud you for coming such a long way after being raised the way you were. I was raised much less severe and strict, but at 46, am still trying to shed the ballast my upbringing gave me. So you should be really...
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    It's a Texlahoma Story

    I've read your blog from the beginning, and maybe I've missed this, but, did you ever write about why you decided to be in a closed relationship? Was that always a given or something you talked about and both decided on? Just curious about the underlying reasons for it... and maybe thinking...
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    It's a Texlahoma Story

    I have a tendency to fall for guys like this. One of my exes... I used to send him long emails or texts about how I was feeling, vents and rants and panicky stuff, and he would not reply, and eventually I would ask him why he did not reply, and he'd say... "there was no question." :eek...
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    Poly Under Stress

    For me meditation started to work the moment I did not call it meditation. I was always so intimidated by it and thought: I can never do it 'right' so I might as well not try at all. Now I think of it as 'sitting alone in a room quietly'. It is surprisingly difficult to do. But the rewards are...
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    The Best Life Yet

    It sounds like a very good plan and like you had some good communication about this. I like this: I think it is good to view it as a team effort and not something that is just your decision. It is one of the great joys and pains of poly to learn so much about your partner(s). You are...
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    The Best Life Yet

    that made me think of this Jack Kornfield quote If you can sit quietly after difficult news; if, in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm; if you can see your neighbors travel to fantastic places without a twinge of jealousy; if you could happily eat whatever is put on your plate...
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    Poly Under Stress

    that makes perfect sense to me, yes. Also, I now have also read your latest blog posts, and that, combined with what you wrote above, really sounds like you are on the verge of burn out. That changes my view a little... I would sit down with Rider and tell him how bad it really is, and that it's...
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    The Best Life Yet

    I am far from an expert on Buddhism... but the way I understand it, Buddhism doesn't say that suffering is an illusion, but that suffering is caused by resisting reality. So anytime you want to control something you cannot control, anytime you long for something you don't have, anytime you are...
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