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  1. M

    Disclosing new open, serious relationship in existing relationships

    I second what Karen has said. When I am in a relationship, I'm present with my partner, but there is always a small, detached part of me that simply observes and takes notes. How does this person interact with other people? Do they walk through the world with self-confidence and integrity, are...
  2. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    So you're all saying that it WON'T be like this song? Because I'm pretty sure it will be exactly like this song. ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeGQXqqvvAY Karen, I agree with you. The situation I described WOULD be codependent. I'm still processing this internally, and it's difficult to...
  3. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    My issue is this: we have agreed to take a month of separation, during which our relationship is done. We are not together. I need to unvelcro the connection, and spend time focusing on my own creative work. It's difficult, transitioning out of daily loving communication. We are not spending...
  4. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    I don't want to take up this board's time further on an issue that doesn't deal with polyamory. That said, I think that honesty, vulnerability, and relationship agreements are topics which are germane to any relationship style. In other relationships I've had, the messages themselves might not...
  5. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    What's interesting is that there never were any fights, never was any devaluation. He treated me like a Queen, with devotion, kindness, respect, patience. He (seemingly) did the work on his end of the relationship, had difficult conversations with me, was kind to my parents, showed me off to his...
  6. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    Surprising possibly no one except myself, a little, I found out that Peter was exchanging sexts and naked pictures with other women over the course of our relationship. We'd been planning to move in together next month, and had been talking quite seriously of marriage. We've both met each...
  7. M

    This is New for us

    There's a splendid documentary called The Aggressives, which focuses on studs. I have only heard it as a term used to describe butches of color. OP, I love me some studs, too! ;)
  8. M

    How to invite your wife into polyamory ?

    As I'm understanding the situation (and correct me if I'm wrong), your wife has borderline personality disorder, and Cam was raised by a parent with BPD. I have long suspected my sister of undiagnosed BPD; consequently, I've done an extensive amount of research on the subject. It seems to me as...
  9. M

    Texting boundaries

    Are you seeing a counselor? If not, I suggest that you consider doing so. These are obviously issues that go way deeper than simple texting boundaries. I'm not suggesting you stop posting here, but it is clear that internet strangers are no substitute for a good counselor in your corner. I'm...
  10. M

    Texting boundaries

    One last question: Do you think that the reason you are willing to see yourself as overdramatic is because admitting that your concerns are reasonable means acknowledging all the cracks in the relationship? What would the narrative look like if you WERE reasonable? That might be an interesting...
  11. M

    Texting boundaries

    I'm really glad the hugs made you feel better! That seems like a disturbing dream. In my experience, recurring dreams about one subject are a way for my subconscious mind to get my conscious mind involved, to get me to pay attention to my thoughts and feelings. I wanted to quote some of your...
  12. M

    Texting boundaries

    Reading your accounting of events makes me so very sad. I shared this with my partner, who said, "I just want to give her a HUG," and I feel the same way. You deserve to be valued, because you have inherent worth and value. You deserve to be with a sexual partner who focuses their energy and...
  13. M

    Primaries vs. secondaries

    MeeraReed, I suspect that our individual BS meters are similarly calibrated.
  14. M

    Worried unsure need advice

    This does not sound like healthy relating. You expressed a concern, she responded with emotional manipulation, then you told her you don't care. But you DO care. It sounds as though the two of you need to have an honest conversation, in which you both state your needs and concerns. If your...
  15. M

    New: looking for advice on parties

    In my experience, mixing intense emotions with alcohol rarely leads to a calm outcome. If you feel confident that you'll be able to manage your emotional response (whatever it might be) without affecting the party atmosphere, then go for it. If you're worried that you might feel angry, jealous...
  16. M

    New to Poly, Already Fucked It Up

    ...has anyone else come to the conclusion that this is DaveedDiggsIsAngel, posting under another username? I'm scratching right along with you.
  17. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    update I don't know that anyone was clamoring for an update on this thread, but nevertheless: It's very clear to me now that my fear of Peter's past - fear of What May Be - was holding me back from enjoyment of What Is. "Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants," and the honest...
  18. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    On a positive note: Peter & I had a date last night. On our date, he mentioned that he and a few other kind male friends want to start a men's group. It would be a safe place for men to express emotion & vulnerability, and work through difficulties while feeling supported. No weed or alcohol...
  19. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    To which I would say: we don't live in a vacuum. I'm a healthy person. My close friends, those I trust and bond with, are healthy people. Many of them are women. Some of them are men who've done the work of dismantling their own sexism. Many more of them are well-intentioned men who simply do...
  20. M

    asking for advice on monogamous relationship - acceptable here?

    JaneQSmythe, I wish I could "like" your post, more than once. This is a concept that has to be explained to men that women implicitly understand. We understand the difference between gossip & warnings, but we LISTEN.
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