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  1. R

    Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, etc.: Merged Threads, General Discussion

    I feel the same feelings. I have exactly zero jealousy for my wife, since I am absolutely secure in our relationship; I know that we feel the same way about poly in general and our relationship in particular: that our feelings for and sex with other people has no bearing on our relationship...
  2. R

    Cheating vs. Polyamory: Merged Threads, General Discussion

    I don't think that they're abusive just because they're monogamous. Any kind of relationship can be abused by abusers. I do think that suffering is built into strict monogamy, though, because it's the natural desire of humans to want to make intimate connections with people around them. When...
  3. R

    Moving from swinging to poly, and broaching the subject with friends

    Sounds like everyone is in, except you didn't mention your husband's response ;) I wouldn't wait any longer to talk to him about it. You say you're not clear on your feelings, but the rest of your two posts belies that. Even if it were true, that just becomes part of that discussion. You're now...
  4. R

    Moving from swinging to poly, and broaching the subject with friends

    "Practicing" on someone is out. If you swing, you're only practicing with people's parts. But if you're poly, you're practicing with people's hearts. Your only choice is to talk to your husband about it. And honestly, if you can't do that, then you're not ready for polyamory. And you have to be...
  5. R

    In love with Monogirl. Oldest story in the book.

    Absolutely. I would have left this situation behind long ago if it wasn't worth it. If she wasn't worth it.
  6. R

    In love with Monogirl. Oldest story in the book.

    *lovelorn sigh* We are with each other almost every day. We wine and dine each other, walk down the street arm in arm, take road trips together, go dancing together, sleep in the same bed together... every time I'm with her I admire her more and more and fall a little bit more in love. She's...
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    Advice on dual marriage?

    You should actually go read the bigamy laws in your state. They will almost certainly be on line somewhere; it's just a question of navigating them. Find your state's database of statues and look first under penal code, and then under something like "Crimes Against Public Morals" or "Crimes...
  8. R

    Varieties of Open Relationships

    On the original topic... :)
  9. R

    Varieties of Open Relationships

    I've never understood this strange concern about "raising someone else's children." Fatherhood isn't sperm donation. Fatherhood is care, respect, integrity, and support. DNA doesn't make the kid "yours;" love does.
  10. R

    Polyamory's Image Problem

    It's interesting that I stumbled on this old thread on the same day that I had an interesting conversation with a work colleague. Someone in the office was talking about Tiger Woods winning something-or-other, which led to a discussion of infidelity. So this colleague was telling me that it...
  11. R

    The Super Awesome Jealousy Thread

    Cleo, Sugarbooger, other jealous lovers: We all feel jealousy sometimes. Poly people are not Nietzschean Supermen, miraculously grown beyond all human emotion. I recommend that instead of letting jealousy beat you into misery, that you take it as an opportunity for introspection and...
  12. R

    Pledge Drive (Poly Film Project)

    Sounds perfect. I'd contribute.
  13. R

    is there a better word?

    I dislike "primary" and "secondary" because they are comparison words... and I try to avoid comparing lovers, who are unique and wonderful people. Suppose you were single and then hooked up with someone... you'd never call that person your "secondary" partner if you had no "primary." The words...
  14. R

    Open Discussion of "Poly Women Respond"

    I completely agree. My perception of the culture of compulsory monogamy is that it is all about cutting off relationships, rather than fostering them. Not only is it unloving of your partner, but (and especially) of the wider community. I sometimes lurk in mainstream love advice forums...
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    Polyamory's Image Problem

    A film would be great! We need more of those. I guess I don't really know what my point is, except that I saw this image in a photography exhibition and was shocked. "Is that what they think of us? We have no hope then." I agree there's also the "hippy free love" reaction, but I don't get that...
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    Polyamory's Image Problem

    If they think about us at all, here's what we are in their eyes: Shocking, but true. We, on the other hand, I think would be disturbed to call those people "polyamorous," even though they are (a) nonmonogamous, and (b) honest about it. But these examples are the only ones a typical...
  17. R

    Book: Sex at Dawn

    I think it is. :) I recently read an excellent blog post on exactly this idea here. I don't think that jealousy IS "such a strong emotion" that vast litanies of evolutionary apology need to be written for it. It's nothing more than the fear/anger of losing something you own/have, and when we...
  18. R

    Helping a cheater change - an exercise in futility?

    Interesting thread. I suspect that most run-of-the-mill cheaters are not the evil users/addicts we on our high horse would like them to be. Most are just humans doing what comes naturally to humans... which is sex/love. Honesty is acquired. Cheating doesn't have to mean that you're using...
  19. R

    Sexual revolution

    Indeed! You're excited and jazzed about the new girlfriend, and the new sexual energy jacks up your testosterone levels, all of which is good for sex with any of your partners! Yay NRE sex!!
  20. R

    Do anybody here LOVE jealousy?

    I disagree. Feelings are irrational. It's perfectly possible to feel jealousy for no reason whatsoever, just because your brain chemistry is off that day. So the fact that I sometimes feel jealousy doesn't necessarily have to indicate that there's a problem that needs working on. Except to...