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  1. R

    More in love with secondary right now

    NRE And Quantifying Love I like what RedPepper said about the "New Toy". I'd have to agree that what you're going through sounds a lot like NRE brain chemical overload. These are real drugs, and should be respected in that light. They make small things seem wondrous and cloud the issues that...
  2. R

    Attractive men -- a very unique proposition

    Honesty What I like about this post is the stark honesty about the proposal. I am not remotely close to what this couple is looking for, being married, not currently poly, no desire to travel, etc... But I have to admire the candor in their proposal.
  3. R

    Finally admitted to myself

    Welcome! Welcome to the forum!
  4. R

    To be open or not to be

    Introversion and Extroversion When my wife and I tried poly we kept it fairly close to the vest. I did this mostly for my wife's benefit as I value her piece of mind and really wanted her not to get hurt if at all possible by negativity. We did discuss and prepare for the possibility, and...
  5. R

    Polyamory making our intimacy and bond stronger?

    Feeling Good When my wife and I tried poly briefly, it did, for the most part, bring us a lot closer to each other. We communicated more, we were even more intimate, and our sex life was enhanced. Some of this was shared excitement, some NRE. In the end, our poly "experiement" ended with the...
  6. R

    A few questions...

    Primary, Secondary, etc... In my situation, should it ever go in the poly direction again, there'd definitely be a distinction between my foundational relationship and others. I do not think I could possibly compare an 11 year relationship built on trust, communication and commitment, to a new...
  7. R

    poly or swinging

    I've read research, will try to dig it up, suggesting that depending on the area, as many as 5-10% of married couples engage in some form of "swinging" type activity. Many swingers actually have more than trivial relationships with their other partners. The line becomes blurry.
  8. R

    Spreading the love around: does love lessen with more partners.

    Absolutely! Of course false claims of intention are not a poly issue, they're a relationship issue in general. Of course in poly, there's a chance that if you get burnt you'll have your other lover(s) to go to for support and love.
  9. R

    Spreading the love around: does love lessen with more partners.

    Justificinationess... In some cases, yes. In some cases, no. Depends on what the person seeking sex defines as "rewarding". NRE+sex is one flavor, Long Term Love+sex is another. Both have different rewards, and neither is necessarily a bad thing. Gross generalization. Those types of...
  10. R

    Spreading the love around: does love lessen with more partners.

    Emphasis on Sex I do not see any more a need to justify "poontang" as I would see a need to justify scrapbooking or racquetball. If you break it down, making a new, close friend has few real differences to making a new, close lover: Both can take time away from your primary lover Both can...
  11. R

    Spreading the love around: does love lessen with more partners.

    Don't I Know It Very, very true. Not that it's entirely related, but LONG, LONG AGO when I was a bachelor, I had an experience trying to date multiple people at the same time. I tend to think analytically, and I figured that there's X amount of time one must invest before one can determine...
  12. R

    Spreading the love around: does love lessen with more partners.

    Time is Finite, but Shareable No. Nobody's brain can handle the number of people you're talking about here. However, the likelihood that you'd find that many people compatible enough to build substantially deep relationships with seems a long shot bet. But that's just me, I'm picky. For...
  13. R

    Spreading the love around: does love lessen with more partners.

    Supplement or Complement.... Or Both? I would say both. But wait, you cry, does that make your soul-mate lacking??!!??? No, and I'll explain. Everyone's different. There's music my wife likes that I generally don't see the appeal to. There's books I read that she doesn't care to tackle...
  14. R

    Too Many Bad Examples

    I do not see it as attention, but rather hollow flattery. How can one cherish you when they must hide you. How can someone be proud of you when they must hurt others to be with you. Rita deserves to be cherished deeply, and I've always been more proud of Rita and our relationship than most...
  15. R

    Trying to learn...

    Just Desserts We just had a talk about the feelings that Rita has that made the idea of being with these men exciting. I am a little at a loss when trying to relate, though I do really want to see her side of the equation. On my side of the equation the idea just scares me for the following...
  16. R

    I'm in over my head.

    That's good to hear. Please don't take what I said negatively, it wasn't meant to be a slam at all.
  17. R

    I'm in over my head.

    Floodgates I have read this thread with some interest. Many of the things you are going through, and the reactions you are having, are very similar to the ones my wife went through when we experimented with polyamory a while ago. Having said that, I can possibly relate a little to what your...
  18. R

    Emotion Versus Logic

    Couldn't Help Myself Sorry, I couldn't help myself. All in jest!
  19. R

    Emotion Versus Logic

    Logic and Emotion Since my wife and I have been to the moon and back on this topic, I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents for what it's worth. I have been described as "hyper-logical" by more than a few people, referred to as "Spock" by a therapist we'd seen, and generally see myself as a...
  20. R

    Lets start a revolution

    Um, Wow? I agree on some of your points disillusioned, mainly that: Human behavior is, by virtue of a very deep biological imperative, driven to procreate, and usually not monogamously. The traditional sanctioned monogamous marriage model has some fairly dismal statistical success Our...