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  1. W

    Polyamory and Borderline Personality Disorder

    Re: there is no cure for BPD It may not be a cure per se, but DBT has been shown to be very effective for a significant portion of people with BPD; it was developed specifically for working with them. I'd strongly suggest you/your met amour investigate that approach.
  2. W

    How important is it to get along with your metamour(s)?

    I think she did what you asked - saw you and was cordial - and then you changed the rules and inserted yourself more into her space (FB). She doesn't want to interact, doesn't see you as a friend, and has been pretty clear about it; I think you could have predicted your post wouldn't make her...
  3. W

    Dilbert cartoonist: Nuclear-family marriage is poor engineering; poly tribes more opt

    :) I liked the comment about how people in comedy are more free to bring up challenging issues. I also liked the techie slant.
  4. W

    Clock is Ticking

    I agree with GreenAcres; #2 and #3 will make things worse. I wonder a bit about #1 as well. Instead of talking ABOUT sex and intimacy, could you maybe strive to talk WITH intimacy? Talk about things that are important to you, built comfort, safety, a feeling of being loved and heard? That seems...
  5. W

    Just LR

    Glad to hear the new grand baby arrived safely is doing so well! Toddlers are exhausting; no doubt. I don't want to go back to that stage either. Hang in there!
  6. W

    Secondary? No thanks!

    I am comfortable being secondary to my BF because he is also secondary to me, in the practical sense of how much our lives are intertwined. Neither of us has a huge amount of time to offer outside of other life/relationship/ family, so we are matched in what we can offer- in a logistical rather...
  7. W

    Just LR

    Sorry to hear the situation has progressed to this. I know you worked really hard at trying to make things work. More hugs.
  8. W

    The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

    Sorry you're having such a rough time, Bassman. It's a tough transition for sure. Are you sure the regular contact is not making it harder for you? I know a bunch of people here are helped by a period of no contact. Hope you can get some more rest and peace soon. Hugs.
  9. W

    Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

    I haven't started cooking for Thanksgiving yet, and you have a tree ad wrapped gifts!!! Yikes!
  10. W

    Charting Our Course

    Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. I've struggled with feeling unimportant at times; I think I understand how you feel at risk. And those feelings can be very powerful when anxiety gets triggered; sounds like you're doing a good job at reminding yourself that your perception may...
  11. W

    Years of love, years of slow change, and what's next?

    I wondered what was happening with you. Glad to here things are going well!
  12. W

    Managing Expectations and Dealing with Road-blocks

    Is it possible that David was cheating on someone else/just having a fling, and then changed his mind? Thats how it reads to me. What did he say he was looking for, and how did he describe his situation? It doesn't sound to me like you spoiled everything; it sounds more like you got involved...
  13. W

    Just LR

    What if you don't put any interpretation on his request? Maybe he's avoiding, maybe he's not, but maybe it doesn't matter. Could you make poly work for you within his constraints? Given your busyness and your liking for family events, I can see that perhaps not. You might also feel that were...
  14. W

    Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

    Sorry you're feeling so down about yourself right now, kevin. I too believe you help a lot of people here, and hope that provides some comfort. And I hope this phase passes quickly!
  15. W

    Just LR

    LR, very sorry to read about how much you've had to deal with lately. You've put such tremendous effort into resolving and fixing situations - I wish you were having more positive outcomes . Like many here, I'm rooting for you and hoping that things become easier soon.
  16. W

    New to PolyLife, advice?

    Did your fiancé "give" you his friend because you asked? It's not clear from your post who initiated this arrangement. It's also not clear how much input you have into decisions re the relationships. Are you ok with them deciding who comes first in your life, rather than making that decision...
  17. W

    Just LR

    Phew! Glad maca's ok and that the baby's staying put. And I do hope you can get a break, both today and going forward.
  18. W

    Secondary Travels

    Some people function through sick, and some people don't. And some people keep being optimistic that they can make a plan work, even though there are obstacles, and so make a series of changes rather than just canceling. My BF used to do this to me and it drove me crazy, feeling strung along...
  19. W

    Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

    You are showing your daughter relationships that work, which is a wonderful example to have!