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There's no instructions for how to feel or what to do. In your shoes, I would be pretty angry with him. Did he discuss contraception with you? Did he talk about having barrier-free sex? Was there any conversation between you and him about pregnancy risk? A new child is a big thing. What are...

It's pain, man. You feel it, you examine it, if you're lucky you can learn from it, but right now, there's not some trick to dealing with it or making it not an issue. It's pain. It's just there. It just hurts. Be kind to yourself. Protect the sore spots. Be polite to your partners about...

I'm going to resist the "Nukes is the mayor of Crazy Town" explanation that you're offering. The imaginary firefighter is part of Nukes's closet. You dislike him, it is not a leap to think, feel or say that you dislike the closet. And you do dislike the closet! You especially dislike the...

There isn't a one right way to do this, but given that you're not enthusiastic, and you are on the verge of having a high-intensity, high-needs new member of your family, I want to make really sure you know that you don't have to agree to open your marriage under any circumstances. If you think...

I would be hesitant to rush to judgment of Nukes on the basis of this thing. If you take out all the emotional detail, what happened is that you and Nukes had a disagreement, and Nukes was upset. In the process of getting some space and sympathy, she had some sex. When Nukes returned home, she...

Having you in her living space all weekend doesn't sound to me like it minimizes friction. Rather the opposite. It's a good arrangement for couples who divorce with minimal anger - which does happen, but which is very rare. You say she wants to stay married, and she's attached to presenting a...

When two forms of communication from one person are at odds, that's a sign you need to go slowly, evaluate with care, and seek clarification. Not a sign that you need to avoid questions to preserve the magic. If OP hasn't discussed his custody plans with the woman who would prefer not to get a...

That custody agreement you're contemplating is a fantasy. Any lawyer worth paying will tell your wife that this thing you're suggesting by way of custody is a bad idea. In a divorce, she'd be best off to protect her feelings, her privacy, and her space, and to limit contact with you so that she...

Again, um, no. Actually: warning klaxons. You "have a need" to sleep with someone sexy on the regular. She wants her participation in any relationship to be totally optional, a product of her untrammeled free choice in the moment. You are not long-term comparible. And the long-term is like a...

I just buy them. I assume that condoms at my house are mine, and I use them when I have sex at my house, and throw some in my bag when I think it's likely I might have sex elsewhere. If the purchase is burdensome, either because I'm broke or because I'm with someone who has particular tastes...

My household WiFi is down and I'm doing this on my phone. Sorry about the typos. My sympathies are with the wife because: 1. You talk about her refusing to have another child. I have two kids, and what they did to me physically was no joke, which is why deliberately conceiving has to be a...

Oh god, get out. You can't be long-term involved with a married person while haring their spouse. You can't share a house long-term with someone you dislike. I frankly do not understand why *anyone* is in this setup. It sounds terrible. (The person who currently has most of my sympathy is your...

I am out of the hormones range, and my strong feelings about pregnancy support and parental responsibility are a lot like yours. What mostly killed my marriage was this: I spent the first six years of my relationship with my ex (including the first 4 of our marriage) totally willing to be the...

I am answering this question as a survivor of obstetric emergencies, and the divorced, polyamorous mother of two. I usually don't recite that, but I think you need to know where I am coming from. I am going to be ungenerous to your partner here. You are carrying his child. The pregnancy has...

The schedule thing will happen again. And, probably: You will do it to a partner sometime yourself. He's not communicating well with his partners about scheduling and commitments, with the result that he assumes his plans with you automatically flex in response to changes in Nadia's plans...

My feeling on this is that loving people is easy, but living with them can be hard. You can go in with the best and most generous intentions and discover that you are, nonetheless, deeply incompatible. You can love each other greatly and disagree about something major like whether to have...

More than office gossip - polyamory is not a protected class. Employers are free to use it as a basis for discrimination in hiring and retention. I am reasonably out, including at work, but I also live in a progressive area, and my current workplace was carefully vetted before I came out in it...

Can we slow this ride down for a second? This is someone the OP works with. It may be unwise to treat coffee with her as anything but the warm end of professional and cordial. Being out as poly at work has particular risks, in addition to the risks of dating at the workplace. I would advise the...

I don't think you have a great understanding of abusive relationship dynamics. No relationship starts out as toxic, and abusers' initial demands for control can be (either or both) subtle or apparently justified. Persistent relationship abuse comes in cycles that include a honeymoon phase...

Marriage in a poly situation does build in a bit of a hierarchy, but plenty of people are just fine with that. (For me, when I was married, being clear that I had first claim on my ex, the father of my children, was pretty important. I'm now dating a married guy, and his daughter and his wife...