Search results

She's just not that into you Vanilla asked if we could be just friends in the traditional meaning of the word. I'm disappointed, but my sponsor encouraged me with reminding me that the relationship doesn't need to end; it's just changed, and not all the people in my life are meant to be lovers...

Sorry to hear you are hurting. Some suggestions follow. 1. How about writing the letter but never posting it? You could get those feelings out on the paper, and maybe reach some clarity. If she hasn't responded to you yet she probably never will. 2. Chances are your husband is mono and...

I had a discussion with Vanilla yesterday about what is our poly ideal. Hers is a triad or a vee with her as the hinge, with one man and one woman as co-primaries, and two or three more casual relationships. I had trouble imagining my dream poly situation. I think I'm living it. I'm becoming...

The way to get over your obsession is to do a reality check. How likely is it that your dream woman will just pop out of nowhere, especially since you are not going to do anything proactive to find her, like join OkCupid. You are obsessed over a fantasy that doesn't exist in the real world.

What do you feel you need from the relationship with Deer in order to feel more secure? Is he able to give you these things?

Is your husband happy with this arrangement?

I joined a gym yesterday and had a meeting with a personal trainer today. I'm finally getting serious about losing that 30 pounds or so. Go me! I also saw Cookie today. He is still very depressed and is desperately looking for that one woman who will make all his problems go away. I suspect he...

Did I understand it correctly that you are at the moment not able to have sex with neither your husband nor your BF, because both would be jealous of the other?

The problem is that I've never really stopped loving her. And while I think I might meet other people, I have a hard time believing that I could find someone to share such a deep connection with.

So I met Vanilla yesterday and she said that although she enjoys my company she would wish that I don't text her all the time. It's a small request but it hurt me badly. I just want her to know I think about her during the day.

I didn't get your post. Are you trying to find a third? If so, wouldn't it be a better idea to try dating separately, so you could have diverse sexual experiences with trashy party animals and she could date whoever?

It seems that you moved her in too quickly, without getting to know her first. That's a common poly mistake, I've done it myself. I don't think it's a good idea for her to continue living with you. She may not want to, who knows.

Had our first date with Moonlight yesterday. I have a plan of visiting them every two weeks for a Friday to Sunday sleepover. Windflower has given her preliminary consent to the plan, but she still needs to think it through. I understand her; I will become a big part of their family life if the...

Why on earth does he need to come live with you for a week? Especially since you've never met him. This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Are you upset about their PDA because it gives you a sense of insecurity or just because you can't have the same? Are you jealous or envious? That kind of double standard sounds rough. Have you talked about this unfair set up with them?

Welcome to the forum! You seem to have it together. My only real question for you would be if there is a hierarchy of primary/secondary in place and if so, how do you feel about that? It might be a good idea to set a date for your meeting of A, so it's not just some distant possibility.

This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic. Why are you having group sex if you're not really into it? Why do you keep pampering her? Why are you not allowed to date others but she is? I understand you want her back the way she was, but is that possible? Have you talked about this with her?

So sorry to hear about your situation. Did you go into this knowing that the wife had veto power over your relationship?

Thank you, Jade! Lots of love and blessings to you too. I've been looking back upon my relationships with Vanilla and Moonlight, and figuring what exactly went wrong. I think a lot of it was inexperience with poly, especially with NRE. I quit my relationship with Moonlight, not because I didn't...

I'm in the process of starting to date two of my exes again. It takes a leap of faith to believe that your past problems are solvable. I have the benefit of trying a more secondary approach with my ex-primary, Vanilla. Maybe your husband and his ex wife function better in a secondary setting?