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  1. J

    non-sexual emotional connection

    There's something here that I find kind of disturbing. Now, there is something about the way that many people do serial monogamy that means that opposite gender friends get dumped when a new relationship comes along. That sucks, and it's really bad behaviour on the part of those people. But...
  2. J

    Help with research - Graphology

    When you write "families", do you mean married couples, or people with children, or long term co-habitation, or what?
  3. J

    Relationships without prescriptions

    My friends don't get to veto my romantic partners either, so I don't see how this is any different. So... what was going on in that friendship that meant that a new romantic interest ended it? Maybe the friend with a new love interest likes to get involved with terrible people to be around...
  4. J

    What are the benefits to being in a poly relationship?

    Well, since I only have poly- relationships, the question is pretty much the same for me as "Has being romantically involved with people been worth it?"; that's a yes. To answer the question more in the spirit it was asked, I don't feel like I've lost out on anything that would have worked well...
  5. J

    Relationships without prescriptions

    What's the threat? I'd say that the problem here is that one shouldn't be evaluating romantic relationships the same way one does unexpected e-mail attachments. My partners' relationships with their metamour(s) is not in reality a potential danger to me. What's the threat? I'm not really...
  6. J

    NRE (New Relationship Energy) - Merged Threads, General Discussion

    I'm less optimistic than the other people responding that this is a phase that will pass. NRE certainly makes people make bad choices about their relationships sometimes, but... ...that sounds like someone who has met someone else and is moving on, not like someone who has met someone else...
  7. J

    She not only got him to dump me, she may be ruining my reputation. What to do?

    You really can't be certain that there's anything going on here other than people being weird or flakey, and even if you were, there's nothing all that useful to be done differently. People will spend social time with people whose company they enjoy, even if they hear nasty gossip about them...
  8. J

    He can't seem to do this right... Am I unreasonable?

    What's "right", "reasonable", and what you want in a relationship aren't the same things. Don't worry about "doing it right" or "being unreasonable". Just ask for what you want (in this case, a nightly text), and your partner then gets to agree or not. If he doesn't agree, or agrees and then...
  9. J

    GF won't have sex w/me but would w/ new bf

    Has she ever in the past maintained two healthy sexual relationships at the same time? If not, she may be having trouble moving from serial monogamy into polyamory. It may feel "unnatural". If that's the case, you might find that talking to her about the way you feel about each other and how...
  10. J

    Am i thinking realisticly

    Yeah, that's a puzzler. Why is he choosing to be involved with someone who isn't interested enough in his life to even meet his wife, and who seems to have a preference for dishonest relationships?
  11. J

    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Sure, it actually can be done. But I think the real question is whether this particular dynamic is going to work out for the people involved.
  12. J


    That's entirely reasonable. I don't think you should agree to that. Yeah. Unless there's something really specific about sex here, and you're enthusiastic about having only the very specific sex A is okay with, and nothing else about relating to D is going to create similar rules, this is...
  13. J

    My girlfriend is having trouble adapting

    I'm not really getting why you think that this relationship could work. We can't expect to have relationships with everyone we fall in love with. I do get that you want it to work very badly, but the above doesn't sound like someone who is going to be happy being involved with a married man...
  14. J

    My label fell off...

    My bad. I thought that was one particular way of being intersexed, and didn't realise it isn't the preferred term. Thanks.
  15. J

    Polyamory and Christianity

    I'm not at all sure that the English word 'witch' is the wrong way to translate the Hebrew. I've heard this poisoning thing before, but I wonder where people get this idea from; there's nothing in the Hebrew about poison.
  16. J

    My label fell off...

    Right. Many cisgendered people cannot reproduce, but that doesn't mean that they lack gender (or biological sex, which is what is being discussed here). As has been pointed out, biological sex is more complicated than just male, female, and hermaphrodite, so it shouldn't be surprising that...
  17. J

    And then there were three...(this is a stream of consciousness)

    I imagine that you're right about that, but that you shouldn't concentrate on it as the thing to fix. In general, people wind up in poly- relationships because they are either a) themselves committed to having poly- relationships, or b) because someone they really want to be with is. It's...
  18. J

    tangled web of poly?

    If you don't have romantic feelings for him, you can let him know that, and then continue to hang out from time to time. There's no reason to discuss your love life with him if there's no interest on your part. So... your partner is in the closet and you are therefor constrained from going...
  19. J

    Trust vs Fear

    Does he think that everyone is always prone to falling in love with anyone they spend one-on-one time with, or does he just think that about you? Yeah, that's an unfortunate result of insisting one's partner not have other partners. This shouldn't be any more a problem in your case than any...
  20. J

    Trust vs Fear

    Yes, on some level it is the same thing. I hope that I'm missing some part of this story. Had you expressed interest in Bud's friend at some point, or was Bud's friend interested in you? If not, this scenario strikes me as involving some pretty odd behaviour on Bud's part. I get why your...