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I've had some luck online (OKC), but it's not easy. One of the women I had a date with lamented she found lots of guys, but not so many who were actually poly (most just looking for sex), so it does work both ways. OKC is good because you can be clear about your marital/monogamy status, and...

Interesting flip. I was thinking only back to our partner and their primary (not to how they feel about us and our primary). In other words: is it also cheating if you know your partner is not completely open with their spouse (kind of my situation). Generally I have only concerned myself...

And the least ethical is just having sex without any sort of explanation or dissolution of the marriage. I think these options are too simplistic, most married people have some tolerance for cheating and to be a little flexible for something (marriage) they think is important. I think your...

Kevin ... thanks for posting this topic. It's something I've struggled with in my efforts to open my marriage. I've been honest and open with my wife (L) about my wanting to date, that I have dated, and that I'd like to be sexual with women I form a connection with. I've been beating my...

Thanks for those comments, Evie. I told my wife yesterday that romantic feelings and kissing has happened. She wasn't happy (even though she kind of suspected it), she was pissed. Her vision of our relationship is transforming dramatically. And, unlike me where I've searched and cultivated...

Update: Opening Up So, I thought I'd take some time to give an update to my situation since this past summer. I like to call it awesomely complicated (my wife, L, maybe would call it something else ;) ). Anyway, I've been on a few dates with two different people now, and some chatting with a...

After reading Jon Millward's experiment and hearing some of your examples, KC43, I have to take it back, and admit most guys are just really stupid. And, I guess, in a way, it's why I find it hard to relate to many of them (most of my closest friends have always been women). So, please accept...

Very well said. For me, in the midst of this transition, I'm afraid to lose trust. I never felt my spouse would distrust me for any reason, but I think she is beginning to. Even though I've been open and honest and patient, she wants to remain monogamous (at the moment), and I don't. So, it...

I think this example is a bit overstated. The majority of men would not respond in such a case. I do, however, think that nobody deserves a reply on OKC or any online forum where it's so easy to post messages anonymously and with little investment. I have sent out a lot of nice messages on OKC...

Thanks for sharing your experiences, Needingadvice22. Your thoughts, perspectives, and growth give me some ideas on ways I can approach opening my own longstanding (18 years) monogamous relationship.

Finally Had PolyGuts After several months of introspection and some general marriage advice/discussion here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=73578 I had another session with my therapist and discussed non-monogamy. I wasn't sure how the therapist would react, but apparently...

Uh, well, I wouldn't say I'm lonely. On the other hand, I am by no means the kind of person who finds social situations easy to navigate. I had a former girlfriend who said I wasn't shy, but maybe a little aloof. I'm sure a Freudian analysis could find all sorts of causes in my childhood with...

Yes, too busy, too tired, or too self conscious ... particularly as we talk about the lack of sex. Her most recent retort has been she'd like to focus on other personal improvements (getting some overdue dental work done, getting into better physical shape, catching up on regular + ob/gyn doctor...

Thank you for that comment ... I agree. HFA does have valid points and I am in no way trying to push or force anything. If you knew me, you'd realize that is the furthest from my personality and most likely why I'm in the situation I'm in (being accommodating, patient, and not as good a...

No, I'm feeling abandoned because she fails to communicate with me. I think we have a responsibility to communicate in all relationships. I don't think that qualifies as a gift, that's a necessary component of any relationship. I appreciate the advice that it can help to look inwards, try to...

I'm sure this conversation would be better in person :). Perhaps I didn't chose the correct words. But your stating I should love her unconditionally and then that I don't expect the same in return gives off some negative vibe seems contradictory. Isn't loving someone unconditionally - a gift...

I said I feel like a nag, but I am not nagging or pressuring or any of that "vibe" you think I'm giving. I listen, I give space, I help a lot around the house, I am patient, and I generally expect that I won't get similar support from her. I know there are two sides to every relationship and...

Just an update .... I've gone to a new therapist twice now, and my wife has gone once (in-between my visits). I like the second therapist much better since she deals more specifically with sexual issues. I was hoping for a little more discussion with my wife around the issues, her thoughts...

I was just lurking/reading some of your posts, including the Mormon/Utah connection. I am not Mormon, but grew up in Utah and was just visiting, about the time you were, for my Mom's birthday. I can say that being in Utah as a non-Mormon is about as good an antidote for religion as one can get...

I am not far from Lancaster ... about 10 miles as the crow flies, and am there fairly regularly for events, shopping, friends ...