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  1. Derbylicious

    Redpepper's journey

    I guess there’s no better person to answer what happened to Derby than Derby herself. (I hope you don’t mind RP). My poly life is most definitely over. There were a few years in there of such extreme change and loss and pain that it’s something I wouldn’t invite into my life again. I live a...
  2. Derbylicious

    Have you ever felt lost at sea with someone you love?

    I'm probably the worst person to ask that question of since I don't "look" for people to have relationships and am rather just open to the idea of letting it happen if it happens.
  3. Derbylicious

    How do I have this conversation

    You have a say here. Tell them what your requirements are. Put a time limit on how long you're willing to work through this before you chose to walk away. The way things are going at the moment you are not being treated as a full, living, breathing human being with real feelings. Her feelings do...
  4. Derbylicious

    Have you ever felt lost at sea with someone you love?

    Why are you looking for people who will love both of you and not just her when you readily admit that you have no desire to be with anyone else? It's quite possible for one person in a couple to be poly and the other not to be. Relationships are about things being fair, not about things being...
  5. Derbylicious

    Rough patches with re-opening relationship

    This whole story is raising a bunch of red flags for me. How are your relationship issues going to end up impacting other outside partners. The other people who you are going to be getting involved with are also full, human people with needs and feelings as well. One night stands with a DADT are...
  6. Derbylicious


    I just read through this from the beginning and it seems that you've already done what I was going to suggest. Have a relationship with him on your terms rather than waiting on him to decide what those terms are going to be. A friendship where sex may or may not be on the table at any particular...
  7. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    Clarity reached. Now comes the time to communicate it appropriately. All of a sudden everything makes sense again and it will all be OK. Getting to the bottom of things sure is a lot of work.
  8. Derbylicious

    Flirting with disaster

    We do all have our ups and downs but for most of us things don't go horribly wrong. For many of us being poly works really well and makes for more authentic relationships. Your wife cheated and then tried to justify it, that's so far from what poly actually is. Poly is all about communication...
  9. Derbylicious

    Just LR

    January really doesn't seem like it's being a good month for anyone! We should all have a do-over!
  10. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    Thanks LR :) It's good to hear from you.
  11. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    Excellent. I love baby snuggles!
  12. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    It's a work thing, just me.
  13. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    Right now that's more help to her than you can possibly imagine! I will have my car with me so driving to Langley is something I can do (given directions).
  14. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    I'm pretty good at keeping my freak outs off the internet. So point taken there. As for the baby stuff, that makes us all feel crazy and out of control. One day you will sleep again and then it all gets easier to cope with (note I didn't say easier, kids continually change and provide brand...
  15. Derbylicious

    Issues with leaving the house so he and his OT can play

    Can they go to a hotel? You shouldn't be kicked out of your own space if you don't want to leave. If you have other plans and are going to be out anyway, great! If not he needs to find an alternative plan. It's your house too.
  16. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    Current mantra: Let go of expectations and things beyond your control. Focus on the now and everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Please remind me of this when I'm freaking out.
  17. Derbylicious

    Moving to poly

    Your wife deserves the truth. Tell her about the affair and then let her make an informed decision about if she wants to remain in a relationship with you. This isn't all about what you want and what will make you happy. Both women deserve a say too in the direction their lives will take. Quit...
  18. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    I think I pretty much win the prize on getting myself into the most unusual poly situations. First I go and fall for a metamour (which led to the end of one relationship and the start of another). And now I find myself in the interesting position of having broken up with said former metamour...
  19. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    Nothing like a break up to make you realize that there's work to do in another relationship. I had no idea that the way I was going to react to breaking up with my boyfriend was to all of a sudden realize that there are things that I really need to be dealing with with my husband. Now at the...
  20. Derbylicious

    Peace and joy and love

    When nothing else makes sense in my world and everything is topsy turvy I can go and do something physical. My body and what it can do makes sense and lets me shut off my brain for a bit. I love living where I do because it doesn't really get cold here and I can go out and move and just feel...