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I've read the recent responses several times now, and I have a lot to think about. Thank you all for being so genuine, supportive, and challenging. It really is the strength of communities like this, when strangers can speak right to the heart. I'm still not exactly sure what to write. I feel I...

Thank you all for the kindness. It's strange sometimes to be reminded that people see it this way. I'm wrapped up in the struggle, and the few friends I have that know what is going/went on are mostly also Juliet's friends, and so they take a middle ground. Therapy is like that, too. Very...

It's been a while since I wrote. I discovered my husband Charlie's year-long affair with our closest friend, Juliet in January of last year. Charlie, Juliet, and Juliet's husband, Kilo all regretted hiding the affair from me, but insisted that a life in love and joy together was possible with...

So, I was going through the exercise on xeromag for dealing with jealousy, and made it through just the first section before I ran into trouble. The article asks that I write down triggers for my jealousy that come to mind. I am a habitually jealous person, I would be the first to admit, so I...

You're right, nycindie, self-compassion is something I need to spend more effort on. It gets buried very quickly when I feel under pressure. And forgetting to show compassion for myself sets me up to make stupid decisions that I will regret. Polyexplorer, I definitely respect that you've had...

The idea of limiting the frequency and length of our heavy conversations is probably a good idea. I'm pretty familiar with the better ways to talk out conflict from my professional life, but I've found it pretty hit or miss in this situation. Charlie wants me to get better, but feels helpless...

The Love Languages book has been very interesting! I went on a relationship book shopping spree after reading some of that one, heh. There's some interesting research out there that I sure wasn't aware of, and it's eye-opening. At first, I was hesitant to look to mainstream relationship books...

Thanks, everyone, for the support and advice. It really does help. Sometimes my husband is great, and sometimes not great. For him, the idea of supporting me is, I think, very tough. He says he feels like he messes up on this front all the time, but that sentiment doesn't seem to actually...

I have to admit, the idea of setting boundaries still fills me with dread. How do I select which things I'm supposed to be accepting and which I'm not when I can't promise not to be upset by any of them? Something as simple as them holding hands - when Charlie mentioned it, I felt ill. I thought...

Thank you everyone for your advice and understanding. One thing that has become clear to me is that I don't express emotions well. My ability to put on a neutral face has definitely made the situation worse, as it seems no one else realized the depths of my hurt over what was moving forward. I...

Things have been moving relatively quickly for my husband Charlie and his OSO Juliet. Since they came clean about their affair, we've made halting, difficult steps towards rebuilding as a poly relationship in the spirit of openness and generosity. A month ago, I gave my blessing to poly, and...

The perspectives are much appreciated! nycindie, my heart goes out to you for what you're going through. I've read your advice in other threads, and wish I had more to give back. I can at least say that what I found about divorce was that once it was over (mine took almost an excruciating...

Thank you for the comments, Mohegan. :) So, does Karma still have trouble with not feeling needed, since you regained your independence? As much as I know I need develop this greater self-reliance, my own partner has expressed concern that I may grow so needless of him that there's no point in...

Cheating's a subject pretty close to my heart. My husband Charlie and our closest friend Juliet had an emotional and physical affair for about 6 months before I discovered it, and we began a very rough road toward poly. I've come to think of what happened as the combination of three elements...

Moving from mono to poly in my marriage has exposed a lot of my weak areas, and I've given a lot of thought to my lack of independence in particular. It definitely made/is making the transition harder, and I've been working hard to find ways to gain the confidence and self-direction to be more...

It's true, I'm not exactly sure what I want, beyond being able to talk. Advice is welcome. Encouragement or cautions if people have them. I *think* I originally posted this in "New To Poly" and it got moved to Introductions - or maybe I'm confused... I do already have an introduction posted, so...

I've read a ton of good information here about people going through things similar to what I'm experiencing, so I suppose any question I'd ask is probably redundant. Still, I feel like I need to talk, and maybe be heard by people who understand. My husband and I met our best friends a few years...

My story's not the most positive one. I had been with my husband for six years this past January, when I found out he and my best friend had been having an affair for the better part of a year. I was devastated, and felt deeply betrayed by two people I trusted deeply. Further, they told me they...