Search results

  1. M

    Working out of town

    This sounds fine! Many people prefer "parallel poly," where the two metamours don't really interact much with each other, and each see their shared partner separately. "Kitchen table poly," on the other hand, would involve group hangouts and you and your metamour spending time together as...
  2. M

    Any success stories of married couples transitioning to polyamory?

    Just wanted to say that I like your username, Enkidu. I don't see too many Epic of Gilgamesh references :)
  3. M

    Hey, formerly mono couples opening up to polyamory

    But why does she have to be your "third" as in the joint girlfriend of BOTH you and your wife, when only your wife is into her? In the age gap thread you imply that you are considering dating her too? But like...why? Why can't it be a vee where your wife can date her if they want to date each...
  4. M

    Poly Communication Issues

    One thing that jumped out at me. The shame you feel around your sleep-groping issue. I am honestly not sure that the sleep-groping would be such a big deal in a context where your partner(s) were more comfortable around you physically and more into sex/touching with you. (Except for cases where...
  5. M

    Tough Choices

    I was thinking of a similar example. Your spouse has a substance abuse problem. You says, "Get into rehab or I'm leaving." It's an ultimatum, and it's reasonable. But...would it actually work? I.e., once you are at the point of having to issue an ultimatum, isn't it already too late? And if...
  6. M

    Tough Choices

    This is sort of an aside but...I am actually skeptical of people who are quick to label a firm request or statement of consequences as "an ultimatum/manipulation tactic." When I was 19, my first boyfriend (who was 28--yes red flag!) and I agreed to what I thought was a break for the summer...
  7. M

    Tough Choices

    To me an ultimatum leaves no room for compromise/finding a solution. "X must happen or I'm out" vs. "I am not happy with X and can't continue the way things are. Is there any solution we can find, short of us breaking up or you and the other partner breaking up?" It's ambiguous to me which...
  8. M

    my partner and his gf had to break up

    Ah, okay, the breakup was about her own other relationship. Maybe you liked what you'd heard about this metamour, and maybe now you're a little concerned about who your next metamour will be, when your partner is ready to date someone new? I have sometimes been disappointed when my partner had...
  9. M

    my partner and his gf had to break up

    Was the breakup related to his relationship with you? Do you feel sad/guilty/confused about that?
  10. M

    Betrayal and agreement repair. Need advice pleasee!

    Welcome! And I am sorry you are going through this. I think it's okay to ask for what you want--for him to put the breaks on polyamory and focus on his relationship with you. But you have to accept that he may not want to do that. He may choose to end the relationship with you so that he is...
  11. M

    Is this really what we have become?

    Since you've never used an online dating app, you may not realize that the online dating apps have all become worse in the last 10 years...if people are now complaining or asking about online dating more than they used to 10 years ago, it's because the sites genuinely don't work as well as they...
  12. M

    family vacay, wanting to invite both partners

    LOL...your family's plan is for you and Joe to share a bunkroom with THREE little kids?? While your sister and her partner have their own child-free room? And you pay the same price as your sister?? My knee-jerk advice would be that you should decline to go at all. Or book your own place nearby...
  13. M

    I need advise on opening my marriage 😊

    I don't think you necessarily need to agree to open up your marriage just because your wife wants to. If you aren't okay with it, you don't need to be. However, it might be worth trying to reframe the concept of "not being enough" for your wife. Instead of making it about YOU (you not being...
  14. M

    First poly date- how do I proceed?

    I think you should try to talk to him about all of these things you have mentioned here.
  15. M

    Help / LONG / am I in the wrong?

    I missed the original post (I guess OP deleted it), but if OP and Partner share a tiny one-bedroom apartment and isn't comfortable with their Partner having sex with the Metamour in their shared space (with OP also IN THE BED???) then that is a totally reasonable boundary for OP to have. If the...
  16. M


    It sounds like he moved abroad for you, where he can't legally work and can't even make his own travel plans to go home for a visit. It sounds like his family, his social life, and any poly dating prospects for him are all at home. Whereas you have friends and dating prospects where you live...
  17. M

    Not really a blog

    I was on vacation from the internet so I had to look up the Jonah Hill stuff... I think it's not just an issue with being able to weaponize the language of therapy, but that there are still plenty of cultural messages telling men that they shouldn't be okay with their hot girlfriends posting...
  18. M

    Not really a blog

    I was meaning to comment on this, as Mags did (if you don't mind discussion on your "Not Really a Blog"). Similarly to Mags, I am in a long-term relationship where differing sexual needs are a huge part of why we are both poly/doing ENM. My partner has a much higher sex drive than me, more...
  19. M

    Need advice on how to help my partner in our Mono-Poly relationship

    This is really their own problem to manage. It sounds like you are an extremely supportive partner already. Maybe they can seek therapy to deal with their feelings and work on their self-worth? You can't do that work for them.
  20. M

    FMF triad sudden dynamic shift

    Can I ask you for some more info? How old are you, how old are they? Does anyone have kids? What are your respective living situations--like, owning a house, renting, etc? Why were they wanting you to move in so quickly? (Good on you for saying no to that plan, by the way). I think a part of...