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I think that is how it felt the first time we tried poly - or more accurately when my partner wanted to try it and I felt I had to support that or face breaking up and I couldn't/wouldn't do that. I kept so much of the pain bottled up inside because I didn't feel able to share it with her I...

Thanks yes I will try thanks

Sorry but that is out of the question. I will never find anyone like her - I just need to cope better

Yeah I don't think that's the case, just in this one area perhaps but it shouldn't come between us (and if it did then I would hope we would choose us over Poly)

Thanks I have read that book

Of course, how I wish I could. I have had years of therapy, in my day to day life I don't go there and have a huge range of defence mechanisms and coping strategies. Some this stuff goes back to very early though, and I think relationship insecurity is probably the one thing that takes me back...

We have been over a year without poly and it has been great, my partner's last relationship didn't really go anywhere in the end and she felt it had been a mistake really to get into it in the first place. To be honest I was relieved, although I wished we hadn't had to go through such a big...

I realised I was mainly just feeling I needed to keep up somehow but despite the fact that I was getting lots of OKC likes it all just felt meaningless, like what’s the point of looking elsewhere when I have the person I love and want to spend my life with here already?

I've ditched my OKC account and am not actively seeking another relationship for myself. I realised I don't have the energy or inclination right now and have become accustomed, even if not entirely comfortable still, with my partner spending time away every now and then with her other partner...

I guess the point is they just want people to pay now and the free tier seems to have been stripped of any utility, it's just there as a sort of honey trap. It's weird though because their help still says if you mutually like each other it should open up messaging but this isn't happening, maybe...

Yeah it's over £50 a month now - I think last time I was using it I was paying 15 maybe 20 at most. Plus I can't see any way to message anyone even if we both 'like' each other. Oh well, as you say it may be a moot point but on the other hand I would like to be able to test my own limits a...

I did ok again, the second night was harder though. I have started an OK Cupid profile experimentally (well revamped an old one) but not sure it will come to anything - for one thing OKC has become ridiculously expensive since I last used it, but also I'm not sure I can cope with more than one...

My partner comes back tomorrow after the longest period away so far (3 days and 2 nights) with her new partner (which I believe makes him my or our metamour?) Anyway I have noticed in several posts on this forum that there is a certain etiquette about what partners should share with each other...

I agree with Kevin - this isn't really about practicalities but fundamentals. It sounds like your husband is being very controlling to me, and that you are not really freely consenting but only based on emotional blackmail. This is not a situation conducive to your wellbeing and I'm really sorry...

I'm not entirely sure if I am poly, I think it's likely I have pretty strongish monogamous tendencies, but I know that at least some of that derives from having always been afraid of rejection and loss, so it is possible that if I was more confident in relationships my poly side may also...

Yes I need to feel secure and that will help

I know from past experience that rushing into poly unprepared can bring up issues you had not anticipated (particularly when past trauma and mental health, or trust issues, are involved), we went through a similar experience a few years back and it led to us putting poly on hold completely until...

So this weekend she is going for 2 nights - hopefully after that we will settle into some sort of pattern and I will get more used to this.

I think in many respects it's like we also have a new relationship - at least our relationship is now on a different level. I suspect that is probably a principle of poly relationships that a change in one part of the 'polycule' (is that the right term?) affects the whole (a bit like a gestalt).

Yes I realise that but I was thinking also that the fact that I was able to show trust in her and accept her being poly seems also to have brought us closer.