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  1. K

    Advice Needed

    I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I don't mean any of this post harshly, so I hope you won't take it that way. Your mistake, in my opinion, was talking to your partner about what your metamour posted. That was not your place. I understand that you would have felt dishonest if you hadn't...
  2. K

    How to handle the jealousy

    Impressions from the past can definitely do a number on you in the present. Jealousy almost always does boil down to insecurity or fear, and your history with your ex-wife would certainly seem to explain why you're feeling jealous about your current partner having others. If you do choose to...
  3. K

    what good is polyamory if everyone is going to feel shitty and emotional all the time

    There is no "should" when it comes to emotions. Emotions happen. Something occurs that sparks a certain emotional reaction in someone, and that emotion is there. If the OP's partner feels upset about them talking to someone else, that doesn't mean they're "controlling" or "difficult" or anything...
  4. K


    Hi, Nikki, and welcome to the forum. I'm in a mono-poly relationship, but I'm the poly one. It wasn't my idea initially. I didn't even know I was poly, though I did know monogamy had never really made sense to me. But I was in a monogamous marriage to my kids' father (divorced a number of years...
  5. K

    My Partner Won’t Tell Me About Her Sex with Other Partner

    I don't think anyone's saying that "poly purists" don't share sexual details. The OP stated that they're under the impression that it's uncommon for poly folk to *refuse* to share those details, and others in this thread are refuting that assumption. Sharing sexual details does seem to be more...
  6. K

    Parallel Polyamory with Partners who have Similar Interests

    I practice parallel poly, and I've been really uncomfortable times when more than one of my partners has been present at events or whatever, so I avoid that whenever possible. I never really have the issue of more than one partner wanting to do the same thing with me, though. Hubby doesn't do...
  7. K

    Love from a poly person isn’t worth as much?

    Love doesn't get "split" between partners. Love is love. It's an infinite thing, regardless of whether it's shared with one other or ten or a hundred. Do you have more than one friend? If so, is your friendship worth less because it's shared with more than one person? Same thing. *Time* is...
  8. K

    I think my fiance's relationship is becoming abusive

    Every time he answers the phone or her messages and says, "I can't be there for you," he's being there for her. Every time he spends however long on the phone with her talking her down, he's giving her what she wants. She might not be entirely *conscious* of wanting it, but still, part of her...
  9. K

    Opening up from Married Couple

    My husband and I opened about six years ago. But our situation is a little different. He is not polyamorous. He has no desire whatsoever to see other people; he's happy having only me. But back in 2013, as we were trying to repair some rifts in our marriage, I told him that some...
  10. K

    Poly/Mono really need advice on ethics

    Poly/mono *can* work... but it *takes* work. It also takes a ton of communication, compromise, and understanding. Compromise means sometimes meeting halfway...but not always. Sometimes compromise looks like, "I'll give you this if you give me that." Compromise does *not* look like, "I want to...
  11. K

    Poly where wife and I would not be principal partners

    What do you mean by "principal partners"? Do you mean primaries, as in a hierarchy arrangement? Not everyone has primaries. Not everyone does hierarchy. For those who do hierarchy, not everyone's spouse is their primary. I personally try very hard to avoid hierarchy. In my life, my partners...
  12. K

    Feeling a Little Hurt? How do I make this blow over in my head?

    P.S. I see you posted while I was typing. I'll leave my post in case it's useful to you or someone else in the future.
  13. K

    Feeling a Little Hurt? How do I make this blow over in my head?

    I think this is another case where you need to clearly communicate with Whiskers. Did you ask him whether his response came from a place of tension between him and his partners? Did you ask whether *you* were the cause of that tension, if it even exists? I think you know that sometimes you...
  14. K

    Is it ethical to be poly and only be attracted to mono people?

    In my opinion, as long as you're open and honest about all of it, yes, it's ethical. If you're having plenty of discussion with the mono person, making sure they know what kind of relationship structure they'd be getting into, making sure they understand that poly isn't a "phase" you're going...
  15. K

    Veto Experiences in Polyamory

    Yeah... which "monos"? Several of us here on this forum have at least one partner who is monogamous. Clearly those partners don't share, at least not entirely, this "monos" mindset you reference. We also have a few members here who themselves are monogamous, and are in relationships with...
  16. K

    Veto Experiences in Polyamory

    There is definitely nothing wrong with vetoing someone who is causing physical or mental harm, whether it's to their partner or a metamour. It sounds like your metamour was causing harm not only to you, but to others as well.
  17. K

    Veto Experiences in Polyamory

    I'm not sure what God and religion have to do with a human being having, or trying to have, the right to control what another human being does. Could you explain?
  18. K

    Veto Experiences in Polyamory

    Yes, it does work both ways. And your reaction to your partner sleeping with someone you don't like might be understandable, depending on the level of dislike. (*Personally*, if my reaction to one of my partner's other partners was that strong, I would just end my relationship with my partner...
  19. K

    Am I in the wrong?

    DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl)-- or for that matter, Mommy Domme/little boy, or any other gender variation--is a very specific type of D/s dynamic. In it, often, the Dominant type essentially takes a parental role over the submissive type. Not in a creepy, incestuous way (though some people enjoy...
  20. K

    Veto Experiences in Polyamory

    The problem is that if you're telling your lover, "I can't stand her, you aren't allowed to see her," you are controlling two other adults who aren't getting a say in the matter. Controlling other people just plain isn't okay. What my partners do in their other relationships is not a thing I...