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  1. J

    Serial Monogamy

    I never attached any negative connotation to the term "serial monogamy." I just thought that that was what I did before I discovered polyamory was an option. Really. I had to have a discovery moment:"OH! I could totally do that, and I think it would be better!" For me, serial monogamy means...
  2. J

    "Just friends"

    Maybe communication styles are causing part of the problem? I tend to dislike phone call, but love texts, emails, instant messages, sending and receiving links to interesting things, etc. My Love and I communicate in much the same fashion. He and I text or instant message all the time, but...
  3. J

    bonding without the physical

    We text amy IM and send each other links to things that we believe the other might like. Neither of us is much into phone calls, but we may eventually do video chats. The daly text contact helps greatly but we still feel it when we can't get together for a week or so. Definitely find ways to...
  4. J

    Just need to vent - Advice

    If you need a cleaner place to live, and their not assisting in this is causing you too much stress... Do you have either a deal breaker, or a reason to live separately? Just think about what you actually need. I live by myself. At the moment, if there's a mess, it's my mess. If there is cat...
  5. J

    Boyfriend having trouble coping with emotional *thing*

    Well, he gave you space when you needed it. You may just need to give him space. You say that you have already talked about it and gone over things. If he has said he just needs time, then believe what he says and give that to him. If you can't handle being around him when he is depressed...
  6. J

    is it ok to judge people on their past?

    The other pressure that women often get is to Nice and Fair and all that. It often interferes with our efforts to stay safe. You wanted her to go talk to that guy? That guy is NOT SAFE. Do NOT fucking pressure her to go against her own safety in order to be a nice girl. I don't fucking care if...
  7. J

    Combining

    If you do it, make sure that everyone has some spot for privacy that is their own, if you can. Depending on how comfy everyone is with a lack of privacy, maybe it won't be a problem? For me, though, I'd go nuts without a door to close between me and EVERYONE at least once in a while.
  8. J

    My boyfriend is upset, can you overcome jealousy issues?

    You live with the boyfriend and he's acting as Dad for your little boy? It sounds like you thought you had almost the perfect situation for a while there. As long as the boyfriend was dating others too, and not feeling jealous, everything was wonderful... Now, though, you have to figure out...
  9. J

    First Poly Relationship Ever!

    It is generally considered good manners to not text while on a date or out with someone else. I have made exceptions for news delivered that I wanted to hear, too, though. That I wanted to hear it (and it was shared wit me)made it far less exclusionary. Phone calls should be for emergencies...
  10. J

    Don't Ask Don't Tell thoughts

    Yeah.... I really need to know that I am not a secret fling. THAT part is a deal breaker. Do I need to know every detail or expect every detail of what we do to go back to my metamour? No. There is privacy. I happen to like knowing more about my metamour, and being able to talk to her. She...
  11. J

    Don't Ask Don't Tell thoughts

    I agree. I don't think I could deal with a don't ask don't tell arrangement with a lover or a metamour. I had a very brief exposure to a guy from OkCupid in an open relationship a bit over a year ago. His wife seemed reluctant to talk to me. My newbie mistake was an email where my intent was...
  12. J

    I'm the 'other woman'

    A shared vacation? Yikes. I'd be expecting problems and try to head them off. I don't think my metamour would be at all willing to let her husband sleep with me every night and I would probably push him to sleep with her at least half the time. At the VERY least I'd talk to her about what she...
  13. J

    confused/upset you name it..

    Wow. I may be poly, but, I wouldn't touch that dude. I have run into people who seem to think that if I am poly,then I will have sex with anyone who wants me. Um. Hell no!?! I like who I like, and I don't see any reason to date anyone who is not as awesome as my love and his wife. This...
  14. J

    Boyfriend wants a third

    I like this handy dandy flow chart, too. http://www.xeromag.com/hotbibabe.html You might want to think about whether you are really willing to do polyamory for this guy. If you do actually try polyamory, I really do think it works better if you don't try to force the possible relationship...
  15. J

    Boyfriend wants a third

    " I am severely uncomfortable with this idea as I'm the one who would be giving up the exclusivity of this relationship". Why just you? I know the whole thing wan't your idea, and I can see that a threesome is what he wants.... But, you don't actually have to be a part of it unless you want...
  16. J

    Becoming polyamorous / Healthy way to deal with eventual pain?

    "He and I have had the same conversation back and forth, briefly put: I express a wish for deeper connection with him, then he tells me he needs alone time. I say it's fine, but I still want the connection; then he wonders why I don't put more effort into learning how to enjoy myself on my own...
  17. J

    I feel... calm? Is that right?

    You feel what you feel. If you aren't feeling jealous, then, don't worry about it. Not all of us react the same way. I have on occasion called myself "jealousy deficient" because I was not reacting at all to things that other people felt should be setting me off. You seem to be handling...
  18. J

    Feeling numb and destroyed...

    Stress can definitely make you tired and want to sleep all the time. Don't forget to take care of yourself in the middle of all this. Eat well, exercise if you can, and treat yourself well. You can love someone and still not deal well with each other in a relationship. The boyfriend may be...
  19. J

    Why Poly Gets A Bad Rap

    From my cubicle at work I can see four divorced monogamous women. Married young, didn't work out, their problems are out in the open for me to see. Do I think that all mono relationships are doomed because of those and other mono relationships that I know didn't work? Nope. They just went in...
  20. J

    How to approach a third?

    Put your possible deal breakers up front and mention them soon before you get too much invested. There are people out there for whom poly is a plus, not a detriment, but if they can't see that you are poly then they can't pick you for it. I have a profile up on OKCupid, and it says in the...
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