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  1. UpsideDown

    Good Faith, Bad Faith

    Ugh So, primary BF corralled me, and I explained the situation to him. He told me he couldn't, in good faith, keep why I was angry from her for long, despite my wishes. I said I understood his perspective, and appreciated his honesty. I told him I was sorry to lose him as a friend, as our...
  2. UpsideDown

    Good Faith, Bad Faith

    I've never really had anyone in my life with her kind of personality before, so I have zero experience with it. The part of me that gives people the benefit of the doubt wants to start making excuses for her in this, excuse it as venting...something. Anything. Blaming malicious OtherGuy seems...
  3. UpsideDown

    Good Faith, Bad Faith

    Easier said than done, I'm afraid. The actual perpetrator of the snooping and asshattery? I can avoid him until the cows come home. I haven't unfriended him on facebook yet because he'll know something is up, but when she and I have the talk about this, I firmly plan to call him out on his...
  4. UpsideDown

    Good Faith, Bad Faith

    Yes. She even goes out of her way to let me know when she's sharing the emails with primary BF, to the point where I've just started CCing him on the emails so he can read them or not. The consent for that was already both implicit and explicit, but that made it clearer, I thought...
  5. UpsideDown

    Good Faith, Bad Faith

    I'm aware. Having TOLD the few people who know this is a journey I have started that I joined a forum, and would appreciated their not getting involved, I'm upset that they went through the work to do it. Right. These two people knew we were on an internet forum (the woman in the signature...
  6. UpsideDown

    Good Faith, Bad Faith

    So, when this whole issue came up, my husband joined the forum, just to have someone to talk to about the whole thing. After a little pushing, I joined as well, and in order to keep our profiles and perspectives separate, we agreed to stay out of one another's posts and threads. We could and...
  7. UpsideDown

    Communication Differences

    Fair enough. I've said already, that what surprised me was that this minor thing became a huge issue for her in a non-crushy part of our relationship. Hmm. I feel that if I'm the one to say no, I'll be regretful and always wonder if I did the right thing. This will bother me, long term, and...
  8. UpsideDown

    Communication Differences

    Thank you so much for this perspective. It is good to see that, in some cases I'm doing the right thing, and where I need to do better. She is, in practice, but not in belief (the best way I can explain it). I think this is mostly frustrating because structure in our long friendship hasn't...
  9. UpsideDown

    Communication Differences

    Whew. Alright. I believe you. You are generally kind, if straight forwards. I appreciate that. It is the specificity that bothers her. If I say, "can you get that email in to me in the next week," she feels imposed upon. This is not only with the whole romance-thing...that is just a...
  10. UpsideDown

    Communication Differences

    We did that. That's where I got the "this is something I'd like to do, but I can't now" for reasons involving her primary partner. That is fine, I'm not in any rush to jump off some big romantic cliff. However, as I am still trying to understand the underpinnings of how such a relationship...
  11. UpsideDown

    Communication Differences

    So, DH and I both process things early, thoroughly and and quickly as is prudent to do so. When a family member became disabled and no one else could/would take them in, we did our research on the legal hurdles, power of attorney, medicaid, and in-home care and took up the responsibility. We...
  12. UpsideDown

    Can I get a bit of feedback?

    It seems that way. DH, like your husband, would have felt hurt had I wanted a relationship with another man. I didn't, don't, and never have. CG, on the other hand, offers me a different set of experiences that are utterly different than the relationship I have with him and he doesn't feel...
  13. UpsideDown

    Couple for triad

    Fair enough. I'm new to this whole thing, but that was something I had noticed in my time here. Good luck. :)
  14. UpsideDown

    Can I get a bit of feedback?

    I'm seeing that is the case here. I've not had that experience in the rest of my internet life, so that wasn't my default setting. I just can't understand why someone would feel a need to keep pushing when they've been told that their advice to a stranger is being ill received. Entirely...
  15. UpsideDown

    Can I get a bit of feedback?

    I think that's wonderful advice. I was, and am, trying to get ahead of some of the snowballing that this feels like sometimes, but as DH hasn't, as yet, asked to have another partner of his own, perhaps just coming back and revisiting it, periodically, will be more helpful. Not really sure I...
  16. UpsideDown

    Can I get a bit of feedback?

    I really do think that I get tied up in knots because any romantic relationship for him would be overtly sexual. This is not proving to be the case for me. The what-if scenarios are what led me to the separation of D/s, sex, touch, kissing and physical closeness. Some of those I could...
  17. UpsideDown

    Can I get a bit of feedback?

    Thank you. I did want advice, whether that advice be that I had to allow him the exact same rules or that it was all up to what made everyone involved comfortable. After being told that my advice was abstract and preachy, I'd have gone away...and River continued to press a viewpoint that was...
  18. UpsideDown

    Can I get a bit of feedback?

    I wasn't getting that feeling in these other discussions, but I am glad this is something I am not alone in thinking. Thanks.
  19. UpsideDown

    Couple for triad

    Can Beauty date alone? Would it be alright if you both had relationships that weren't with the same person? From what I gather, that's far more common, and likely.
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