Search results

  1. Marcus

    Advice Requested

    No offense was intended. I was just going off of context clues. Since I'm assuming this kind of chastisement is the norm going forward, I'll just either use names or I'll make them up if I don't see any available.
  2. Marcus

    Advice Requested

    Your partner has demonstrated that they aren't on board with the agreements as they are being set out. More importantly, they have demonstrated that they are not comfortable with being honest about this fact. It sounds like they are just nodding "sure, sounds good, I'll abide by that rule" and...
  3. Marcus

    Exiting polyamory and choosing between partners

    I'm not monogamous, so someone "offering" me that choice is a firm indicator that this person and I are not doing the same thing. I wouldn't entertain weighing the two relationships, because asking me to do that in the first place is a hard stop for me. Have you discussed this with Annette...
  4. Marcus

    Metamour Situation

    The issue here isn't with your metamour, the issue is with your wife not abiding by the rules that the two of you have agreed on. If she's showing up later than agreed, and that's a big deal to you, then I should think you two need to talk about that. I would think of it more like someone not...
  5. Marcus

    Advice Requested, my husband's girlfriend left him now he wants me to leave my partners too

    I don't think you need to take that on. Who could have known how it would have played out. Even if, in retrospect, there were flaws in your decision making, you don't have a time machine and you don't have any control over that. Sometimes the decisions we make don't pan out, that's just life, I...
  6. Marcus

    my partner and his gf had to break up

    It's not particularly rational, but I also think it's normal. Most of us aren't raised to have reasonable reactions to missing out on things or getting bad news. I didn't learn how to be a good receiver of bad news until much later in my life, and that was in-spite of how I was raised and...
  7. Marcus

    Advice Requested, my husband's girlfriend left him now he wants me to leave my partners too

    Love isn't a substitute for compatibility and mutual respect. The most central hard stop, red flag, no-go, for me is that I won't allow people to try to control my other relationships in any way. If my partner were to behave this way (which would be bizarre, because that would be very out of...
  8. Marcus

    SEXTING AND CAMMING BOTH INFIDELITY??

    The only rules that ought to exist in a consensual relationship, need to be enthusiastically agreed upon by all parties. I specify "enthusiastically", because begrudging adherence to a rule in a voluntary relationship is a mondo bad idea. When people begrudgingly agree to a rule, that's a sign...
  9. Marcus

    Considering breakup with partner while experiencing NRE with another

    NRE, as far as I can tell, is just meant to describe that rush of hormones at the early part of an association. If it seems to be going on for a while, then that might just be how your relationship goes for a period of time. I wouldn't give it too much authority over my decision making; when...
  10. Marcus

    Wife Doesn’t Seem Interested in Sex… with Me

    Are you sure she feels safe enough with you to be honest? In my world, one of the best relationship super powers a person can have is to receive bad news gracefully, and to embrace the reality that people should feel safe to express themselves honestly. When I approach people in this way, they...
  11. Marcus

    Wife Doesn’t Seem Interested in Sex… with Me

    You've received quite a bit of advice in this thread, and I doubt I have much to add, but I do want to jump in on this comment from GG. Communication is great, as long as it's constructive communication. You've mentioned that you've had numerous conversations with her about this, you've gotten...
  12. Marcus

    Non transparency on Poly couple

    The clear anti-male chip on your shoulder aside, yes, setting and standing by healthy boundaries is the way to solve this issue. Setting and standing by healthy boundaries is difficult for most of us, for a myriad of reasons, but it's still a central pillar of having healthy associations...
  13. Marcus

    Needing help with a poly marriage

    This whole thing honestly reads like an extensive warning label of how to NOT live your life and how to NEVER have a relationship. It's just one big red flag after another, stating loud and clear that this is a fundamental mismatch and the relationship has no business even existing. Speaking...
  14. Marcus

    Non transparency on Poly couple

    I only share with people what I care to share. Just because I'm going on a date with someone, or moving in with someone, or establish a life partnership agreement with someone, doesn't mean they are entitled to know my every thought or every aspect of my life. I am an independent person though...
  15. Marcus

    Non transparency on Poly couple

    This person needs to work on their boundary setting and communication skills. If they have rando people coming over to their house and trashing the place and leaving them with the bill, but this isn't something they want... they are just setting themselves up for failure. If I don't want to...
  16. Marcus

    Advice on meeting metamour ! From friend of your partner to metamours

    I strongly recommend just saying this out loud to your partner (as well as your metamour, if you have that kind of closeness with them). It's totally normal for many of us to be hesitant when approaching a new type of social interaction. The trick to communicating this kind of stuff (like most...
  17. Marcus

    Partner breaks up because metamour changes mind on polyamory

    That sucks. It's always so disappointing when we think we understand the direction a relationship is going and it suddenly gets the rug pulled out from under it. It's that feeling of missed future opportunity, like "ah man, that could have been something really beautiful." Folks just don't...
  18. Marcus

    Rule has been broken... What to do?

    And they didn't feel safe enough to say "no, that's not something I can agree to". As you (original poster) are working through this, the question of "how to handle his indiscretion" is less important than "why does this person I've been in a relationship with for 10 years, feel unsafe in...
  19. Marcus

    Mono/Poly - is it safe to say all the hard work falls on the mono?

    I don't think emotional labor works that way. She can deal with whatever emotional labor she is dealing with, and you have to deal with yours. She can't take on part of your work in dealing with fear, insecurity, jealousy, etc, that's all internal to you and you are the only one who has any real...
  20. Marcus

    Should I leave my husband?

    Is he communicative? If it is your intention to have a conversation with him and come to some kind of mutual understanding, you'll both need to be concise about what it is that you want. It can be hard to do, certainly when everyone is in the middle of an emotional upheaval, but if you want to...
Back
Top