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  1. J

    To look or not to look....

    oooh, mbg, this sounds like me! i was the one who pushed for poly with my husband when we were dating, mostly because i knew he had other interests and i didn't want to risk being lied to. the first weekend he left town to stay with someone else (almost 5 years ago), i purposely made no plans...
  2. J

    A request: state your gender and sexual preference/orientation

    totally! i have "queer" on fetlife, but lots of people assume that means homosexual. /sigh...i just like that queer literally means unusual or odd. cause yeah, that's me. bi kinky female married (for now) to straight vanilla male - perm dating straight kinky male - cue semi-dating...
  3. J

    Redpepper's journey

    Wow. I never heard it put like that, but that's me to a T. I'm just catching up on this thread. Ugh, RP, so much of what you're writing and experiencing rings so true to me. I am sorry you are going through this. *hugs*
  4. J

    new to this

    it sounds to me like you are doing great micaela! i have to say that the way things started out were probably pretty frustrating and upsetting for you, but you seem to have handled everything very well. asking for honesty and openness is definitely the way to go, and it sounds like you have...
  5. J

    i am doing ok...i moved out of the house and into my sister's apartment (she had an overlap of...

    i am doing ok...i moved out of the house and into my sister's apartment (she had an overlap of several months on her lease). it's rough. i miss him and the house and my stuff. i miss feeling the stability. it sucks that every time i talk to him, it feels like an all out war is just about to...
  6. J

    Childfree (and poly)

    *raises hand* happily childfree. :) i definitely agree that not having kids in the picture makes the logistics a little less complicated!
  7. J

    How do you label youself?

    ooh, ooh, i wanna play! self-aware honest loving fluid vegetarian crafty yoga fanatic childfree kinkster bisexual profoundly sex-positive zen atheist bleeding heart liberal polyamorous ex-stripper ex-groupie current IT professional future yoga instructor
  8. J

    when things change...

    p.s. my three wonderful siblings have, predictably, rallied around me, even though none of them are poly and they all care greatly for perm. they are taking me out for dinner and drinks tonight. that's fucking love, people.
  9. J

    when things change...

    well, we had it out today. we sorted everything out and the magic words passed his lips "ok, so everything related to cue, L and my ex is sorted out. the rest is just you and me." perfect! so we get a game plan to get back to where we need to be and we're both on board. and as an...
  10. J

    when things change...

    you are right about me continuing to go to therapy. my last session was a good one. she accurately pointed out that my marriage has turned out to be much more constricting than what i signed up for. she asked what specific things i gained from being married that i wouldn't gain from a...
  11. J

    Experiences with therapy?

    hey all...i think you all will be pleased to hear that i went back for a solo session last night and it was really good. i was able to explain compersion to her in a way that she finally "got" and although we both readily agree that the way i think and feel and process these things isn't...
  12. J

    Extroversion, Introversion & Ambiversion

    it's the myers-briggs type indicator! and here's a quick free test.
  13. J

    Extroversion, Introversion & Ambiversion

    it's apparently a balance of both.
  14. J

    Extroversion, Introversion & Ambiversion

    i am a pretty classic ENFP when things are going good, but when i am stressed, tired or PMSing i swing 'round into INFP. not surprising, since apparently, "unlike other extroverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves" (source). i can really recharge in either environment. it's...
  15. J

    when things change...

    that's fair...and honestly, i know those things won't make me happy. but the house (for me and obviously for him to) represents a common goal that we have (or had)...so the idea of leaving it is representative of losing that common goal and bond. i guess it probably sounds materialistic, but...
  16. J

    Article: Why Therapists are Down on "Alternative" Sex

    holy cow, this guy has some GREAT articles. THANK YOU! i am loving it! :)
  17. J

    when things change...

    lol...nice, rp. i totally love that kind of stuff! and actually, cue and L are pretty good at it. and i try to be good at it too...although i'm laid back, so my stuff is usually limited to super simple stuff or just a simple statement of my current mood/mode: "a hug/kiss/cuddle would be very...
  18. J

    when things change...

    thanks much for the love. hanging out with cue and L yesterday was great...i felt like i could actually relax and not be paranoid about what i said and did. again, i know a lot of that is "the shiny", but hey, i'll take the lack of tension when i can get it right now! i am so freaked out by...
  19. J

    when things change...

    see that's the thing...he is doing this because he doesn't feel like i am as emotionally invested as he wants...and i get it. i really do. he doesn't want to throw our marriage away, but truly, in his mind, I am the one throwing it away because i am not giving him what he wants or needs. but...
  20. J

    when things change...

    some updates: perm has hung out several times in the last 2 weeks with his most recent girlfriend. last week he went with her to run some "quick errands" (at 8:30) and didn't get back till 1am. he insists to me that they're still broken up, but dude, come on...they're clearly still hooking up...
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