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  1. T

    If you want to love me you have to love my spouse?

    Perhaps not many, but it does apply to others. I wasn't going to bother replying to this thread because LR was doing a terrific job of saying exactly what I would say, so I'm quite glad she kept explaining it. Family-centric is not an uncommon relationship model, whether you're talking poly or...
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    Ring from Boyfriend

    It could get sticky if you end up having committed relationships with more than, say, 4 others. 2 rings per hand is about the max I'd want to wear. But up until I need to deal with, say, 5 rings, I prefer having a set of rings that symbolize my commitment to MC, and a set of rings that...
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    Scheduling and cohabitation agreement?

    Clarification question first: On the nights to do as you please will you switch off who has your 6 year old so the other can go out? If so, I might suggest 3 Family Nights, 1 night just you two, 1 night for you to do as you please (no kiddo) and 2 nights for him to do as he pleases (no kiddo)...
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    Poly & Parents

    I'm confused. You say "Do not have to have experienced this personally" but then you say you're "not really looking for people to speak for others" and are "interested in how people have handled that particular jealousy". Which is it? I'm a parent, but my husband has never had a serious partner...
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    Predator Poly Couples

    I read ConfusedMonoCouple's story on reddit and there was more to it than he posted here (some of those details he offered to reveal if anyone asked). I wouldn't call the other couple predatory based on what I've read there or here, and I think that's a really dangerous accusation to make...
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    New Babies

    Or maybe it's two women? Or two men? Maybe the babies are adopted? Who knows. I know you're trying to be helpful from your lactation specialist background, but for someone who hates assumptions that others make you sure rushed right in yourself this time. Whether someone is breastfeeding or...
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    Ring from Boyfriend

    I wear a traditional engagement and wedding ring on my left hand and a silver celtic ring on my right hand as a "stand in" commitment ring. The idea is when TGIB and I have enough money for a commitment ceremony we'll get a better set of rings as well. MC has no problem with the ring(s) or the...
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    The Concept of Privilege - A Rant.

    True. Better wording on my part would have been "Do you recognize this as also an option, and if not what is your reasoning?"
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    The Concept of Privilege - A Rant.

    To the first question I'd say we've established that yes, it's a thing, but I'm confused about the second question. Why are those the only two options? Why can't "It exists, we should recognize it so we don't abuse it, and work on not using it as a pejorative" be an option?
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    The Concept of Privilege - A Rant.

    The social pressure to be in a relationship really is ridiculous. And while I know single people CAN enjoy some of the same privileges as a couple by doing something with a friend/relative/etc, sometimes that adds a whole new dimension of awkwardness and possible negativity to deal with. Instead...
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    the story of a secondary

    So happy for you! This sentence reminded me of my relationships, but in reverse. Things are usually pretty easy for MC and myself (15+ years together), and always have been, but TGIB and I have to work hard at our relationship (3-ish years). It's interesting, though, how working hard with TGIB...
  12. T

    the story of a secondary

    Happy Birthday!! ^^This. I think it'd be okay to treat it as more like a check-in if the answer that works for you at that point in time is something like, "Not at this time. How about if we revisit the idea in 6 months?" (or however long works for you). That's a firm FOR NOW answer, but...
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    Research Participation

    I started it, but the set-up for the responses threw me off. Rather than the continuum I was expecting (Strongly diasagree > Disagree > Somewhat disagree > Neutral > Somewhat agree > Agree > Strongly agree) I found this: Strongly Disagree Somewhat Disagree Disagree Neutral Agree Somewhat...
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    Advice for first meeting a metamour?

    Unfortunately I don't have any advice about ways to move in the right direction, but I might have an idea of why R sees it the way she does. First, though- you say R is monogamish. Has she ever been in a poly relationship before? I ask because the impression I get is that she (consciously or...
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    What is appropriate to post about & where? (Autumnaltone please read)

    Perhaps "pulling the trigger" refers to giving infractions? I assumed it meant banning said poster, which would not be in line with the User Guidelines since it does not seem to violate either the Adult Language parameters nor does it seem to be an egregiously off-topic post. It's snarky, much...
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    What is appropriate to post about & where? (Autumnaltone please read)

    From the User Guidelines: and While this site is, overall,, not every board is just for poly. The Fireplace, specifically, is for non-poly topics. So the precedent exists that not every post in every thread must be about poly. And the Blogs, while generally written by people...
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    Gender-Specific Jealousy (Double Standard)

    QFT. MC overall has not experienced much jealousy, but when he has worried about me potentially leaving him for someone else, it's been much more along the lines of "What if a woman can give you something I can't?"
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    Gender-Specific Jealousy (Double Standard)

    I don't have any further advice to add, but perhaps something to contribute to the "Why?" side: After a very, umm, ....interesting conversation with the relative of a friend regarding sex and reproduction (during which he actually said, "Reproductive sex is real sex. Non-reproductive sex isn't"...
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    A Skeptic's Delight

    Perhaps the constantly falling and catching ourselves is why moving forward and making progress can be so nerve-wracking! Have you thought about how many "extra" activities you schedule when Vix is gone? As parents of young children, MC and I have both had to generally accept that, unless we...
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    Husband demands a houseboy (permanent threesome arrangement)

    More to the point, have you? If you've had a truly loving relationship with him in the past, and feel you recognize what a truly loving relationship is, I don't understand how you can continue convincing yourself that this relationship is loving. I'm not saying he doesn't love you. I'm not...