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  1. V

    If it ends for one, it ends for all?

    At this point, I'd feel like my body was the fee my husband paid this woman's husband for time with his wife. For some people, this might be their kink. But if it was, they'd be happy in it and you don't sound like you are. That needs to matter to your husband too. He may just be too love buzzed...
  2. V

    Help: New to open relationship but in the dog house for "cheating"

    Yeah I wondered the same because it reads similar to the cuckhold fantasy fiction posts that occasionally pop up on here now and then.
  3. V

    Manipulation or just newbie mistakes?

    It's not forgetfulness if he can see you're about to see information that puts him in a suspicious light and tries to cover his butt. Was he known as a bit of a player before you? If this really comes down to unethical behavior on his part, he isn't likely to stop seeking out new people. Why...
  4. V

    Why do these people keep coming out of the woodwork?

    To answer your title question, the common denominator here is not "people who use friendship to lure my partner", it is your spouse. She may keep you informed and not let it get out of hand but, something about who she makes friends with or the nature of what those friendships are built on lead...
  5. V

    Should I feel responsible?

    You are an influence on this, but not in any way that can be blamed on you. It sounds like you are the newer partner and the issue is the hinge you and Meta share. They have a mess in their relationship that either requires repair or a finish. If he can't find the will in himself to devote the...
  6. V

    Redpepper's journey

    Sure. You said his experiences have left him with "a complete lack of trust for women" rather than, say, a wariness of relationships, a lack of faith in his judgment, or even simply trust issues. I get being relationship-shy, but to specify a gender for why one is wary suggests a group of people...
  7. V

    Redpepper's journey

    I'm always wary of people who experience a bad personal interaction and then struggle to not see everyone else superficially similar as a threat. Example: bad experience with ethnicity/gender/orientation causes suspicion of all others of that ethnicity/gender/orientation as individuals. It lends...
  8. V

    His partners disgust me

    Could always be worse. They could be reasonably attractive but also look uncannily like his mother with a very similar style of using money to show affection and curry favor. There are sooooooo many more awkward circumstances than simply not finding that person attractive. Sooo many.
  9. V

    My boyfriend wants a triad, but......

    I recommend something a little different. Try talking to HER without him. 1. He says he wants a triad. 2. She may always around because he either tells her he wants it that way or because he agreed to that with her despite wanting it. I've seen too many problems happen because metas believe...
  10. V

    Poly+Affair= confused & conflicted

    You're falling for the hook. Many people have participated in what they know is wrong by buying into the "really they are a good person; its just that I'm so awesome they can't help themselves". And then the second hook being that the cheater's partner somehow deserves it. She dresses like she...
  11. V

    There's a new man in my life, a new girl in his, and this isn't poly-- it just sucks.

    This would be a crappy situation even without the new GF. Replace GF with any out of the house hobby on top of excessive video game playing at home and the only difference would be you wouldn't have some other woman against which to compare his treatment of you. This set up of doing all his...
  12. V


    If what you are considering doing is something you'd otherwise not do, wouldn't going ahead because you don't like this woman be disrespecting yourself and your ex as well? Wouldn't it be as well, setting a poor example to your kids, causing unrest in a house they stay in and confusing them...
  13. V

    My partner's Sexual Aggression.

    Sexual frustration is a thing. The rage part, as in Sexual Frustration Rage (SFR) is not. It's just abuse and someone making an excuse.
  14. V

    I've been having relationship issues after my gf came out poly to me

    I believe I said no one has died from not having a sexual partner. If someone never finds a person willing to have sex with them and they commit suicide, is everyone who rejected them responsible for that person killing themselves?
  15. V

    I've been having relationship issues after my gf came out poly to me

    I am in no way suggesting people should have sex they don't want to have. I do however, believe that orientation is something separate from opportunity and consent. People don't die from lack of sex. People have died from being forced to have sex they don't want. While we are a social species...
  16. V

    I've been having relationship issues after my gf came out poly to me

    Even if being poly could be compared to being gay, as in born to that sexual orientation, it can't ever really be considered a need. A desire? Obsession? Strong want you'd be happy to act on - oh sure that all applies. A person can be the most gay of all and there is still no guarantee they will...
  17. V

    More of me trying to understand

    I can see the trouble that would brew from a poly person telling a mono person a hierarchial phrase like "you are the love of my life". Might as well say: "I'm going to live in a way that undermines everything you rely on for relationship stability. I'm going to do it in pursuit of associations...
  18. V


    He has talked with the husband of some woman he finds attractive.....but not the woman?!? If that's how it's going, that's kind of gross.
  19. V

    Sexual Addiction?

    Sexual addiction vs high libido. I think there will be missteps that involve disappointment and emotional pain in the process of sorting out how any relationship style works for us. Sex addiction involves a destructive cycle of shame and impulse. Poly is a relationship style that can delay...
  20. V

    want a girlfriend

    I'd like to see you step out of a mindset focused on what will prevent me from losing my husband (motivations based on fear) and into one with a healthier goal. Losing him doesn't sound like much of a loss. Maybe he's the one with more reason to worry whether you or he realizes it. He has...