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  1. graviton

    New to poly, advice please?

    Expect trouble from your husband. He may have the idea that poly means you should be only involved in relationships that he is part of. For example another couple he does approve of. Many new poly couples approach it from a swingers mentality where lovers are shared instead of venturing out...
  2. graviton

    interesting article on breakups The above link describes the differences between the genders when it comes to breaking up. It's not specifically about poly but break ups are certainly frequent on here. The segue into poly comes from the comment about...
  3. graviton

    Pep talk for husband:1st time with wife & boyfriend

    Be sure you want this. This could go very badly for you emotionally. Don't feel pushed into it. People should not be coerced into sexual situations that they are not comfortable and joyous about. if this even remotely describes you then put your foot down.
  4. graviton

    unsure if i should call myself poly??

    If someone asks there is no need to label it poly. Just tell them you are open and interested in loving relationships with others and the terms of those relationships are determined on a case by case basis. Do you have a partner already? Are they consenting to it?
  5. graviton

    Poly to Stretch Oneself

    the euphoria and exhilaration is indeed NRE
  6. graviton

    Poly to Stretch Oneself

    do both of your partners know about each other and consent to it?
  7. graviton

    Introducing a mono couple to poly

    I don't think it's wrong or manipulative to introduce a couple to poly with the hopes it will enable you to date one of them. They are adults and can think for themselves. How else can you get what you want other than asking? Admittedly it could really blow up their marriage but if marriages...
  8. graviton

    Am I being unreasonable?

    I guess it could be considered an affair. The thing about DADT is that they are only OK when info doesn't leak out to the spouse. The minute they find out then it is considered breaking the rules. But if the relationship starts up again successfully in secret then its still under the guise of...
  9. graviton

    No dates for me: how to avoid playing the victim?

    I think this thread is all most guys need to read to understand why women are so much damn pickier than guys for online dating. It's bizarre to me to see so many nitpicky arguments about all these subtle variances in word usage and triggers. Jeez o Pete's. Most guys just put it out there in...
  10. graviton

    Considering One-sided open relationship - advice needed

    You have sooooooooooo many unknowns ahead of you that contraception is the least of your worries. 1. expect your fiancee to have a change of heart 2. expect the other guy to freak out 3. read, read, read everything you can on this forum I admire how easy this seems to the both of you, but...
  11. graviton

    I just can't seem to accept it.

    You sound a bit like a chest thumper that could use some therapy. I think you view this more as an affront to your masculinity and role as "alpha". Have you stopped to think that perhaps it is your possessive behavior that has driven her to seek this other relationship? Imagine it from her...
  12. graviton

    Not sure how to proceed

    She is setting you up for hurt and failure. Her unwillingness to talk or know about it is a ploy to set you up for failure. It will prevent you from truly connecting and eventually she will still find out when you inevitably slip. Then she will act righteous and angry. I wouldn't even think...
  13. graviton

    New in the realm of polyamory - looking for advice

    As a straight male you will always have a harder time finding potential partners. Women are generally more choosy finding sexual partners and are often scared away by open relationships. Men on the other hand don't have as much of a problem sleeping with another man's woman. Most women on...
  14. graviton

    The Poly Adventure is Just Beginning

    If you're ready to take responsibility for them, then own your poly nature and confess to your wife. No healthy relationship can be built when the fear of being found out is present.
  15. graviton

    How do I even start to explain??

    It is odd that Max is painting you so negatively when everyone else understands you. I believe you've been commendable considering how tough the situation is. I see nothing pushy or callous about your actions. You are forming a decisions to 1. stay and be monogamous 2. leave and be poly 3...
  16. graviton

    DADT, poly style

    I can only imagine DADT is very frustrating for those of us who hate hiding things and are lousy liars. For those who do it as a compromise to monogamy it must feel like living on a razors edge.
  17. graviton

    How do I even start to explain??

    I feel a proper bait and switch has to have intent behind it. If you had promised sushi just so your friend would provide you with company knowing full well that you never intended on sushi is a bait and switch. Likewise she did not start a family with this guy with the intent to become poly...
  18. graviton

    How do I even start to explain??

    Sounds like you have the christian persecution complex that seems to be going around this year. My opinion of Christians is built from having been one of them and having friends who can be militant about it. I know that not all Christians are closed minded. However most are of the opinion...
  19. graviton

    How do I even start to explain??

    I am monogamous. My wife did start the whole poly thing and then renigged. She pulled a classic bait and switch and it was a very painful experience which we are still struggling to heal from. So I know what this husband is going through. I also know that people change and that unfortunately...
  20. graviton

    How do I even start to explain??

    This is certainly not a bait and switch. You think she planned this from the start? She has changed but finds herself confined in a construct (her marriage) that is unable to adapt to her change. It's simply a sad story. I do get tired of the male bashing that happens on here at times but...