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  1. Nudge

    When swinging became poly

    Great story that you shared. Thank you. One of the things I have learned over and over again in my relationships is that talking sincerely is rarely as damaging as I ever expect, and *not* talking is almost always more damaging than I expect.
  2. Nudge

    When swinging became poly

    Welcome to what I hope will be a new home for you! I am a bit complementary to your situation. I identify as poly, but have just started exploring 'the lifestyle' in my area. My interest is to broaden my social group, and where I live, many more people identify as swingers than poly. I find...
  3. Nudge

    Cowboys and cowgirls

    I'm with Marcus on this one. The tricky thing about trying to stop the 'cowboys/cowgirls' is that *if* they exist, you are playing right into their hands if you try to push them out. If they don't exist, you just gave your partner a reason to think you possessive and insecure-- and you may have...
  4. Nudge

    my world has tuned upside down

    It sounds like what you are going through is awful, and my heart goes out to both you and your husband. If I were to say something you should do, it would be to have some good, clear communication of the situation with your husband. Something is wrong with the picture you drew of the problem...
  5. Nudge

    Cowboys and cowgirls

    I may seem a little grim here, but in my mind it is fairly optimistic--- I don't think any of us can trust that our partner won't leave. They can leave in a mono relationship or a poly one. We can only trust that we will be respected and that our partners will remain honest with us (and...
  6. Nudge

    Slate Article on Poly and being in the closet

    Yes, I read it earlier today, and agree that it is one of the better articles I have read on poly in the mainstream press. Slate has been working through several perspectives on Polyamory, and I am glad to read this more human approach. I just worry that someone might start to think me hip for...
  7. Nudge

    Sharing Details of Relationships/Sex

    London-- as one of the related parties, I can vouch for a lack of coercion from gorgeouskitten. I also can push back-- and do, on occasion. ;)
  8. Nudge

    Wearing your wedding/engagement ring

    So if married and dating a single person, should you make them wear a ring? I'm being a bit faceteous here, but the concern is a bit overblown, IMO.
  9. Nudge

    Sharing Details of Relationships/Sex

    I wouldn't say too open -- you just open *me* up more than I expect, sometimes. :)
  10. Nudge

    Sharing Details of Relationships/Sex

    To clarify-- the consent isn't around each sexual act, but having a general sense of what a partner would want shared, and having a talk about preferences/boundries is a good idea.
  11. Nudge

    Sharing Details of Relationships/Sex

    One thing to note is that disclosing sexual details means providing information about a third party who may not want to have the information shared. I may be comfortable sharing sexual information about me and my spouse with my girlfriend, but what if the spouse wouldn't want the information...
  12. Nudge

    Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

    I would be careful if you live in the US in an 'employment at will' state. Your personal decision to be polyamorous can result in sanctions on the job, up to and including firing. I don't say this to be alarmist-- when my relationship with a co-worker was discovered (we are both married, but...
  13. Nudge

    My state's law on polyamory, what's your state's law?

    Frankly, the laws here I worry about in my state have more to do with employment, and less with living situations (although adultery is a crime here, it is seldom enforced). I live in a 'at will' employment state. This means that if an employer catches wind of my polyamory and decides they...
  14. Nudge

    Wearing your wedding/engagement ring

    About 8 years ago, before I started seeing other people, I was swimming in a pond and lost my wedding ring in the cold water. I was dissapointed in myself, and when I got out of the water told my spouse about it-- and she pulled hers off and threw it in to join it. (ala Harold and Maude, see...
  15. Nudge

    fluid bonding/bareback

    What I guess surprises me here is that there is such strong support for condom use, even (correct me if I am wrong) among closed groups, but regular testing is held in much less regard. I am surprised because many STDs can be transfered through oral sex and even deep kissing. I know testing...
  16. Nudge

    fluid bonding/bareback

    Oy, the biological imperative rears its head. I have a vasectomy myself, and would say that the risk of causing a pregnancy has diminished enough that it is not a factor with my fluid bonding choices, though I am only fluid bonded with my spouse at this point. It's all a question of what risks...
  17. Nudge

    Tarot cards

    Since you aren't being traditionalist about such things, I'd check out the Hollywood Tarot. I think it utilizes icons that can reach some people more than other types. I also like the DIY aspect, and think it can lead to stronger readings. They aren't for everyone, but check them out...
  18. Nudge

    fluid bonding/bareback

    Out of curiosity, have any of you considered vasectomy or tubal ligation? If you did, would it put an end to the 'unspoken rule'?
  19. Nudge

    Burning Man: are you going?

    The good news is that the playa may be good and dry by the time you arrive! Certainly folks are very friendly. You may just finds some friends at a camp who will invite you to stay with them. I've gone twice, but hearing about your trip is making me envious. (imagine an green with envy...
  20. Nudge

    Burning Man: are you going?

    Petunia-- Have a great trip, and don't forget to take good care of your feet! BM was a fundimentally transformative event for me-- It really helped me open up to people. I'm sure you'll have a good time. Out of curiousity, are you going with a Camp? They are a great way to participate in the...
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