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  1. L

    question on dating sites

    That's insane. And of course, if you HAD gone and were raped or murdered, people would say it was somehow your fault for not knowing better. Are men truly that clueless, or just that one?
  2. L

    question on dating sites

    I live on a small island. Nonetheless, most of my r'ships in the past decade have come from either okcupid or facebook dating. Here's some tips: 1. Have several good pics of you. Seriously, if you don't know how to take a good selfie, google it. I hate to say this, but: Smile! A close up of...
  3. L

    A Struggling Mono Reflection

    So he wasn't a great partner to you when you were monogamous, and he definitely wasn't a good partner to the woman who broke it off with him.....what makes you think he's going to be good at polyamory moving forward?
  4. L

    A Struggling Mono Reflection

    Is that a trade-off you're willing to make? He gets to spend time with new partners while you get more help parenting? And you get more alone time? Realistically, even with whatever extra help you bargain out of hubby, I'd be surprised if you have the energy, bandwidth or desire to date others...
  5. L

    Opening Up - It's Complicated

    Why do you think you're polyamorous? When, in the past, have you had feelings for more than one partner at a time? Seems to me long term monogamy is more your style, based on your r'ship history so far. Are you "living your polyamorous truth" or just over your sexless marriage? Considering that...
  6. L

    A Struggling Mono Reflection

    OF course you're not feeling sexual. You're exhausted from doing all the parenting, probably all the housework? plus your husband sounds like an overgrown child needing all the attention on getting HIS needs met. Sexual desire doesn't come out of nowhere, there's context. If he was a helpful...
  7. L


    Are you really interested in B's flavor of poly, where everything is up for grabs, and in just 3 days with a new partner, everything agreement you made got broken in favor of reuniting with the ex who he swore he was finished with? Sounds like you're comfortable with ethical nonmonogamy, but...
  8. L

    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    My initial objection came from Magdyln saying "polyamory is a feminist movement." Had she said "was historically a feminist movement," I might not have said anything. I concede that the feminist movement forwarded the idea that women have a right to practice having multiple partners (just like...
  9. L

    A Struggling Mono Reflection

    Why guilt? Are you being guilted into an arrangement you don't want? Are you stuck at home with no life caring for an ill child while your partner is out having fun in new relationships? I wouldn't want to hear s**t from him either.
  10. L

    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    @Magdlyn responded: Any why would they? Why is it more attractive to feminists? Because we've been brainwashed to believe monogamy=patriarchy because the patriarchy weaponized monogamy into a form of slavery. But, I'd argue, monogamy is NOT inherently anti-feminist any more than poly IS...
  11. L

    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    So we've got monogamy as a social structure, which we agree should not be the default. I also agree with you that we weren't meant to have sex with just one person for the whole of our lives, if that's our definition of monogamy. Personally, I think you're underestimating our drive to...
  12. L

    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    Thank you for moving this to a new thread! I did want to go deeper but not in someone else's thread. My answers are in bold: "I am not sure what "nomo" means. Non-monogamous? Is nomo an abbreviation for that now? Anyway..." I made it up, lol. NOMO short for nonmonogamous and I like that it...
  13. L

    New and finding it hard to process

    All due respect @Magdyn, I consider myself a feminist & I'm having issue with this sentence: "Monogamy is a part of the patriarchal system..." Marriage as bondage, yes. Man as head-of-household, women as property, sure. But humans (& many other primates) pair-bond, often long-term. Otherwise...
  14. L

    (Hu)man Vs Bear

    It's an overly simplistic game that can easily be manipulated by those playing devil's advocate or apologists or whatever, kind of like how the phrase "black lives matter" turned into a semantics debate completely missing the point. I don't know a single female who doesn't get it (I see some...
  15. L

    New to all of this and need advice

    I'm so sorry that's happened. He was trying to do a "soft exit" from your marriage into his new r'ship. That has nothing to do with him being polyamorous. Were you aware there were problems in the marriage, or are you feeling blindsided? At least, now you can do what needs to be done. Get moved...
  16. L

    Threesome kink or actually poly? Confused.

    In my younger days, I was the F in many MFM threesomes. In fact, one of my first sexual experiences was with 2 boys at once. For a while, I was shared by twin brothers. Another time, 2 straight besties (they were foreign, and they'd speak to each other in a language I didn't understand while...
  17. L

    Confused and hurt

    Sure, you could try to find your own girlfriend. Speaking from my own experiences, I've found that lesbians rarely have interest in dating a woman who has a man. It's more likely you'll encounter other bi women trying to lure you into threesomes with their men than looking to date you...
  18. L

    Here we go again

    Some will say that what your partner does outside of your time together shouldn't affect you at all (unless it directly affects your finances, kids, your time together, etc.) Like, what's the difference if your wife is out playing tennis with her bestie vs. out banging a stranger? Either way...
  19. L

    What is holding people back from trying out poly?

    "For me, stability and depth are as important as autonomy. It needs to be in perfect balance to be fulfilling. " An ex partner of mine, a married ENM guy who has his wife of 30 years, then maintains several casual sexual r'ships on the side, presented me with the following, which he got from...
  20. L

    What is holding people back from trying out poly?

    Hi, not tryna to call anyone out, I read that you clearly said "IF she was called to" and I agree. She should. (P.S.. I've researched in depth and written about the Minoan era of Cyclades islands circa 1625 BCE. So fascinating!!!!!) I do think a lot of poly people assume monogamous folks are...