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  1. Infinity

    Looking for Resonance on an Unfortunate Turn of Events

    Hi all, Am I missing something here? Nukes cheated, if I read this right. Whether or not a fight was just had, whether or not Nukes told her partner's about it straight afterwards...she still cheated. Why suggest just forgive her, or be kind etc? Cheating, to me, suggests a deep disrespect...
  2. Infinity

    New and feeling uncomfortable

    You say your relationship is amazing and he just got swept up in this, but something like this just doesn't come out of the blue. It sounds to me like you two were perhaps on different pages than you thought. The fact that he was willing to lie, to pretend you and your baby were not who you...
  3. Infinity

    New and feeling uncomfortable

    Why did he lie to each of you?
  4. Infinity

    New and feeling uncomfortable

    Hi again, Lioness, I must say, I am wondering if I jumped the gun a little. More because there's information we don't have, which wasn't shared in your original post. I'm going to ask a few additional questions and then leave it for the more experienced members of the board. I am a newbie to...
  5. Infinity

    New and feeling uncomfortable

    Hi RedLioness17, That sounds like a real mess. I'm sorry your fiance isn't being loving and kind to you. Whether or not you're in a polyamarous relationship, lying is NOT OK to a partner. He lied to you. Now it sounds like he is not being humble and apologetic, but instead is being defensive...
  6. Infinity

    Please help

    The punishment I meant was not your action, whether you stay or go. It is your thoughts. You are self punishing by contuining to pine after someone who doesn't feel the same. I meant, "why do you continue to pine after them?" Not, "why don't you leave your husband?". You could change the painful...
  7. Infinity

    Please help

    Very well said, TenK. We may have slightly different definitions of love, but both can see that yearning and feeling pain does not equal love. Love is a positive emotion, state, relationship, way of being. When you are in pain it is because you are feeling something that is the absence of love...
  8. Infinity

    Please help

    Living with 'daily pain' isn't being in love and it isn't poly. It's fostering an unhealthy infatuation. I hope this doesn't upset the OP or anyone else here, as that's not my intent. I just wanted to point out that, as 2muchlove said, the only way *out* of this situation is to make a decision -...
  9. Infinity

    Can you be poly friendly, yet not suited to poly?

    So what exactly do you mean by your question then?
  10. Infinity

    Please help

    Hi OP. Seeing as no one has brought it up yet, I wanted to bring your focus onto the subject of your current relationship with girlfriend. I am going to give the people in your story nicknames so I can keep up with them. Your 2.5 years girlfriend --> Marcia Her younger sister --> Jan OK, so...
  11. Infinity

    Is Poly still right for me?

    Hi Jay, If you are sure, at the moment, that for the next 6 months you want to be drama free AND new people stuff free, could you restructure your relationship agreements with Jason JUST for the next 6 months? So that: 1. You can have drama free space AND new stuff free space AND 2. He can...
  12. Infinity

    Scared of losing my quad, please help.

    Hi Deb, It sounds to me like there are several problems, all compounding each other and inflaming each other. Maybe it would benefit you to have someone like a counselor sort them through individually? Problems I see: 1. Jane doesn't have good communication skills. She can't or won't open up...
  13. Infinity

    Advice needed for transitioning couple

    I think Ravenscroft had a couple of really good points, even if you took issue with the way he said them, they're still worth noting. I noticed them too when reading the original poster's thread. And they are: 1. A mono relationship, doesn't really just 'change' to a poly one. If you try and...
  14. Infinity

    Issues and need advice please

    Hi ohmygoodness, Gala girl has said so much that is good already, as have the others. Here's what I wanted to add: I have been in relationships before where I wasn't being treated well. It's really hard to see the truth of the matter when you're in the relationship, because you've learned to...
  15. Infinity

    I'm pretty angry; please help me figure out why

    delete (may repost later)
  16. Infinity

    Happier but confused

    So, there seems to be two issues sort of tangled up together here: 1. Your relationship with your wife was not good, because of the living situation. You changed the living situation, and now your relationship with your wife is improving. Your confusion seems to be, because you thought that...
  17. Infinity

    When Life Goals Change - Help with Advice / Comfort

    I'm so sorry this is happening. I think you're really wonderful in your self-esteem. A lot of people on these kinds of message boards I read come to the board in some sort of abusive or unfair relationship, but insist on defending their partner when their partner's abuse is pointed out to them...
  18. Infinity

    Reparation

    I understand the sense of culplibility, and your want to make it right. Perhaps it would help if you could differentiate between: Unethical behaviour that has already happened And Unethical behaviour that is happening *now*. I believe in the first, you have far less responsibility than the...
  19. Infinity

    poly/mono transition: second lover request: a sms/call every night: your advice?

    The fact that this is being done in a poly relationship aside, I find it odd that a partner would put a 'requirement' to be texted or contacted every evening on the other partner, as a mandatory requirement. Think about it...if this was being done in a mono relationship, wouldnt it be strange to...
  20. Infinity

    When Life Goals Change - Help with Advice / Comfort

    Why is it phrased as 'if she doesn't allow him to' rather than 'if she doesn't want him to'? She isn't in charge of the you and wolf relationship. If wolf has agreed to have a baby with you, then that's between you and wolf. Neither of you need her permission, and if it's an agreement between...
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