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  1. I

    Trying to figure myself out.

    Well, sounds like your counselors are full of it, to begin with. I wouldn't take any wisdom on whether to live polyamorously or monogamously from someone who doesn't accept the validity of both options for some people. I didn't know if I was poly or not when I started dating my partner -- who...
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    Irena's poly adventures

    I decided it's time to blog here, since I don't want to put all my stories out on my regular blog. So here it is, my poly world as it currently stands! I've been dating Diogenes for over a year and a half (I formerly used 'Ian' as his pseudonym, but as we've now got a good friend named Ian I've...
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    Approaching a non-poly person

    I'm looking for general advice, perspectives, related stories here. I'm in a very happy poly relationship with my fiancé, and we've also been dating another couple for the last couple of months which has been going great. My question is about asking out a person who I know doesn't identify as...
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    temporary monogamy?

    Here's my big question of the day: is it a good idea for a poly couple to try to be monogamous for a while when they're just starting to date? I've read in a few places that this is recommended (including from my bf in an old blog post, written before he met me). The idea is to get to know each...
  5. I

    Fetlife in the house!

    I'm on! My name should be easy to find from the web address in my sig.
  6. I

    V, but my hinge is ... not... poly?

    I hear that! And I don't imagine most people here will say different :-) I was having a rough time with that earlier this week... having to share my partner's time and attention and not having anywhere else to go myself. I hope your wife is able to recognize that she's in danger of losing you...
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    V, but my hinge is ... not... poly?

    If I may... it sounds like you did do a teeny thing wrong, in asking C out before you'd gotten your primary partner's full go-ahead. From what you've written, it sounds like S has never gotten comfortable with the idea of your seeing someone else, and from her perspective it might look as though...
  8. I

    Am I thinking about this in the right way?

    Yep, I'm going with the majority here in saying "talk to your gf first," and I think joyfulgirl gave excellent reasons. What I get out of my bf's other relationships includes: radiation of the sexual energy his other relationships generate; a special relationship with the other woman, if we...
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    Anyone here not have a monogamous partner?

    Yes. This. I am a new "convert" to poly... never even considered it until meeting my boyfriend six months ago. I attribute our continued success to pretty much taking the above approach: having continual conversations, making sure polyamory was always a fact of our relationship, not something I...
  10. I

    When do you know you are ready to pursue poly?

    From my short experience (I've been in a poly relationship for almost six months) the skills I've needed in my emotional toolbox so far include: - Ability to ask for what you want and need from your partners, hear what they want and need, and then negotiate. You can't unilaterally demand what...
  11. I

    impossible (short-term) living situation, and the headaches it brings

    Thanks, both of you. Ian and I did talk last night, and it helped a lot. I requested having a couple of long dates with just him in the near future, so we're going to plan those. You're dead right, and in the course of talking it came out that one of the big things that set me off is how much...
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    impossible (short-term) living situation, and the headaches it brings

    Hey all... it's been a long time since I posted here, but I just need somewhere safe to vent about my current challenging situation. Maybe somebody has some words of wisdom or encouragement for me. In brief: Ian and I have been together for five months. It's my first poly relationship, though...
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    Compersion: Merged Threads, General Discussion

    I'm another newbie to the whole field, but in my experience the voyeurism/compersion distinction works something like this: I can see my boyfriend's happy after a date with another woman, and I'm happy about that. That's compersion. Then, with a wink and a grin, I ask for details, and if he...
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    The opposite of compersion

    A thing I love about polyamory, the little of it I've seen and experienced so far, is the way the love, excitement, arousal, and happiness generated in one relationship spill over into others; my boyfriend has a great date one night, and I get to ride that high with him the next day. Something...
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    Early-stage V

    Thanks for linking to that article, saudade... solid wisdom, and very useful. Even though I'm not struggling with jealousy at the moment, I'm sure I will at some point, and that gives a really good framework for dealing with it. Trying, it's nice to hear the other side. I guess the "out of...
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    Upset and Scared

    Hi demanda, I'm really new to this myself, so I'm sure some more experienced people will have their own insights to offer, but I'm pretty sure that polyamory is not supposed to be about "having it all." With any lifestyle choice (singleness, absolute monogamy, serial monogamy, polyamory, and...
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    Early-stage V

    Sorry, I should have also mentioned that she has suggested that, for the sake of their relationship, the two of them may need to be exclusive for a while. He's said to me that he wouldn't agree to that, and I've made it clear that I'd be hurt if he did. Over the last couple of months, she's...
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    Early-stage V

    So I've browsed here for a while, and most of the posts I see are from people who are in pretty long-established relationships, and I'm in kind of a budding situation. Mostly I just feel the need to talk about it, and get input/perspective from people who are more familiar with polyamory than my...
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    New to everything

    Hi! I've popped in and lurked here a few times, decided it was time to introduce myself and maybe start posting. I'm involved with a poly guy who I started seeing several months ago... he's rebounding hard off a year-long relationship, so I didn't know how far my involvement with him was going...