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    question on dating sites

    There are two main reasons I personally always asked when someone is looking for when i was online dating: 1 - A lot of people make the profile then never update their answers. 2 - Different people interpret things in different ways. If you say you're looking for a long term relationship...
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    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    It varies. Some are solidly unicorn hunting couples. Some are seemingly egalitarian. Some have OPPs or are only open to additional partners same gender. Some of the coupled people are actually only open for the women to date because the man has no interest (or realized his prospects aren't...
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    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    I do think much of the polyamorous experience depends on location. In my area (small city Oregon - nowhere near as large as Portland but not a rural town either), a not insignificant portion of the polyamorous folks I encounter are racist, bigoted, orange man supporters. There is a solid...
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    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    FWIW I've always thought that the letters were just a description of what comes next. I describe my relationship as a MFM vee. It's not prescriptively closed so I don't say closed. When one of my partners IS dating? I'm still in an MFM vee 🤷‍♀️ I might change that description to an N or W shape...
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    Polyamory is/is not a feminist movement

    If the argument is that equal rights for women = feminism, then yes. In monogamy, men and women have the same rights - the right to exclusively be romantic/sexual with one other person. I don't think polyamory is feminist either. Even well done polyamory. I think it's a relationship...
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    Talking it out

    Saw my ex on a dating app. It was like a punch in the gut. He is so fucking cute and a bitter part of myself that I try to keep buried is pissed that he appears to be doing well. In reality though... I'm content. I love my partners and my life. I do wish him happiness. But dammit. Why wasn't...
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    Looking For That Dormancy

    I used to see names grayed out when they were banned. I have never seen the line!
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    Events/holidays in a parallel poly relationship

    I think taking turns makes sense. Also, a lot of extended family events are on alternative dates vs the actual holiday so some balance might be possible if the person that is in 2 relationships and feasibly attend events with both partners. If it is the person with 2 partners whose family is...
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    Polyamorous divorce for another partner

    Do you want to be with your husband at all? Yes? You need to talk to him and figure out how HE would handle a legal divorce too. No? Then divorce him. Not for your bf, but for you.
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    Talking it out

    The holiday season was amazing. Hubby, LG, and I visited extended family a month or so later. Then Hubby had to spend about a month with his parents and siblings to set up in home care, medical appointment plans, and general caring for 2 elders with health issues (previously only one had big...
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    I get being frustrated by the timing of the conversation, but I don't know why you'd think it was out of line to develop feelings in general. It makes things much less messy in THIS situation, for you to not crush on his partner. But in general, will it be a problem if you get another crush...
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    Sensing resentment of our poly “rules”

    Honestly... I would never recommend anyone agree to this. It's a recipe for resentment, and if it's already happening NOW, imagine what it will be like in a year or two. Why is it okay for your single women friends/family/acquaintances to come across your profile or see you on a date with...
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    Are you into Relationship Collage or Relationship Complete?

    Complete. I have certain needs in romantic relationships. They are the same basic needs even though they can be met in different ways by different people. If someone isn't meeting those needs, then the connection isn't sustainable and I will end the relationship.
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    Trying out a triad

    Are any of you in in counseling (individual, couple's, or group)? Editing to add context for my question-- this feels like a "relationship broken, add people," situation which doesn't work unless the broken part gets fixed. You talk about the distance between you and Cookie; the stress of...
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    Safe love and STI testing

    I get tested anytime I need blood work (which is usually annually). Same for my partners. None of us have had new sexual partners in years at this point. When any of us are having more frequent new sexual partners, we get tested more often. Like quarterly or anytime a change in risk level happens.
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    Can you not be on a relationship escalator in a monogamous relationship?

    Oooh maybe we need to add relationship elevator vs escalator? Escalator = go to the top or jump off to start at the bottom with someone else in the future. Elevator = choose your destination anywhere between the bottom and the top.
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    Jealous being the girlfriend of a man in a poly relationship with his wife

    Did she enthusiastically consent to 50/50 or did he tell her that's what he's doing? Telling her doesn't really give her a chance to enthusiastically consent, just like her not communicating about wanting to date men AND women didn't give him a chance to consent. Basically this entire situation...
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    Jealous being the girlfriend of a man in a poly relationship with his wife

    But why is it okay for him to change the rules but not her? Why is it ok for him to date other women but not her to date other men? My entire point is that he has incredibly unfair expectations. You are quick to judge his wife for changing rules but don't seem to have the same judgment for him...
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    Jealous being the girlfriend of a man in a poly relationship with his wife

    hearts - wants monogamy Partner - wants a OPP (one penis policy)/mono-poly (monogamous for others, poly for him) Wife - wants polyamory The wife is the only one satisfied with the current relationship structure. Your partner MIGHT be, if he works on his own jealousy/insecurity, because his wife...
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    Can you not be on a relationship escalator in a monogamous relationship?

    You do realize that just because you aren't speaking up while he's with someone else he still knows how you feel, right? If YOU are pulling away (which is fine if you don't want to be with a poly person), then he's likely going to notice even if you aren't blowing up his phone or being dramatic...