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  1. M

    Everything changes...does it not?

    Thanks for your response. As i mentioned...i have opened up a dialogue...giving her the opportunity to let me know if she is interested in having sex with other men. She is not horrified by the topic...but she does not really respond either. I get the feeling that she might like it...but that...
  2. M

    Everything changes...does it not?

    So...it's been a couple of years since i was last on this forum. I spent the last 2 years recovering from the breakdown of my marriage of 10 years. In short, my marriage ended because i was lead to believe that my wife wanted a triad...however, when we met an amazing woman who had no...
  3. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thank you SNeacail...i will certainly have a read of the article. I have never thought about these comments being passive aggressive to be honest. It does kind of feel manipulative to me...it certainly triggers an uncomfortable frustration in me. I have learned to just breath and try to...
  4. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thank you Dirtclustit. I appreciate your thoughtful reflections on my situation. I sincerely resonate with the insights you have presented. This is primarily the one that is making things difficult for me. I know that i am not being treated with respect by my wife...and i know that simple...
  5. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    I am seeking that support as best i can. It is why i am here on this forum. Thank you. I appreciate what you are saying...however i find this to be paradoxical. Taking things one step at a time might take forever.
  6. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    It hurt...and i reacted poorly at first, being sulky and angry. After a day or 2 i was able to balance myself and not project the hurt...and we also did some counselling together. Very soon, i was having clear conversations with my wife and discussing things. She wasn't really the same as she...
  7. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    This is the hardest thing that i am working through because it activates my resentment toward her. I stopped seeing my gf recently at my wife's request. After some counselling she decided that it was selfish of her to ask that of me...she told me that it hurt but that she loves me anyway...and...
  8. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thank you GalaGirl. So much. I get it...there is a choice to be made here. It is incredibly difficult to be in a state of doubt about my intuition in general...and make a decision. To answer your question...what i want is to have some peace. I see how we could work things out through...
  9. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thank you Ry. I appreciate your reflection so much. I wish i had that sort of truth around me more! Yes, lessons. What would life be without them. I know we can be better parents...and better people...apart. I am coming to terms with that. I will be ok...and in the long run will be...
  10. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    To keep you informed...my wife gave me my grandmothers ring back that had been her engagement ring. When i asked her if this means that she wants a divorce...her reply was "well, what do you want?". These, and many other similar actions, indicate that she really doesn't know what she wants...
  11. M

    So, truth...where have you been all my life?!!!

    So, truth...where have you been all my life?!!!
  12. M

    Vetoed relationship but can't get over secondary

    Egoscout - i have tried to send you private messages but they don't seem to working properly. I wanted to reach out because i feel we are going through similar experiences at this time. I developed a relationship with a secondary and, regardless of trying to do everything possible to be...
  13. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Yes..i am worn out...completely. She has always resisted meds...but told me 2 days ago that it was time that she tried. I am not sure if she has literally started with them. She never used to. All she has ever wanted was to be a mother. Once i saw the separation anxiety developing...i...
  14. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thank you Vixtoria. I think that these are sound definitions. I feel that it is critical to be able to establish the dynamics of these core concepts together as lovers. In my current position...i can't seem to do that with my wife. Although, my gf is open to discussing anything...and so these...
  15. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thank you BG. This is insightful. I only use this terminology because it is something that my wife says. Maybe not exactly in those terms...but when i encourage her to try and discuss anything that is evidently difficult...the reply is often: "I can't right now...but i'm working on it".
  16. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    I guess that's what i'm going through. I don't feel much hope anymore...not when i'm being shut out like i am. And, bottom line...it is really affecting me. So how long do i wait? Until i crack and ask for a divorce? Or do i get to that point and then wait another couple of weeks? Or...
  17. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Huge gratitude for your thoughtful response FullofLove1052. Yes, we have worked that out now. It has got to the point where my wife has totally offended my gf...and now it will take much work if we hope to build toward balance. After my wife deactivated the on hold request...we began...
  18. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thank you for your support Vixtoria. I hear you. I have a background in mental health...and i have been well aware of depressive symptoms that my wife has displayed throughout our entire relationship. I suspect it has been seeded well before i came along...but it has become more noticeable...
  19. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    I certainly hope that the therapist/doctor is not telling her that...in the sense that they shouldn't be telling her that anything specific is the cause. More specifically...others have told me that my wife states to them that her depression is caused by me being polyamorous. She doesn't say...
  20. M

    Poly flip...marriage in trouble!

    Thanks for calling it how you see it. I appreciate your perspective. I am coming to realise that i have very few people around me that will really offer me undiluted truth...which i appreciate at this time.
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