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    Help? Husband tells me he loves another...

    Yes. I'm sick and tired of how sex negative the poly community is. Women have rape fantasies. Do the deserve to be raped? Some men and women have incest fantasies. He has done little wrong but hide a part of himself he, rightfully, thought he would be judged and shunned for. I don't...
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    Help? Husband tells me he loves another...

    I'm sure he hoped to just keep this side of himself safe and secret. ...fearing judgements from others, even you. But feelings crept in. If you stay, you need to embrace this part of him. Or he will continue to lie and hide from you. You can be his partner but not if you need to...
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    Kids, to have them or not?

    It sounds like Kate definitely wants kids, and you're. ...maybe wanting kids. It's great you're talking about this early on. This isn't a surprise you want 5 years in! That being said, at least some fears are irrational. If you can push those aside, it might make it easier to deal with...
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    The Poly Adventure is Just Beginning

    I feel for you. It's bullshit that you needed "permission" to kiss Potent. My former metamour was like your wife, fine with an open marriage, as long as it was all on her terms and she controlled everything. So long as I let her control me, and he let her control him, She was vaguely nice...
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    Just wanting to do whats best but not sure what that is

    As the second woman, in this case, I can say that I relate to this. However, please realize that we won't wait around forever :) I internally gave him a year to figure shit out. Because I loved him more than anything. I did want things to resolve between him and his wife, though, so I...
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    I wanna be mono again.

    Sorry, there is no going back. Be firm about your needs, but don't think you can change her, anymore than she can change you. At least you don't have kids.
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    Fear...ultimatums...what now?

    That's an incredibly tough situation. But, bottom line, my partner refused to let his ex control who he slept with, in what manner, and what feelings he had. That was unacceptable to him. It was hard. Divorce stinks. But do know that you can very well raise a family in separate...
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    poly family vacation

    I'll PM you, but do you know specific podcasts for poly vacations with kids? I honestly found a vacation with myself, my boyfriend, and our girlfriend to be a piece of cake. And I had a cast.... But I'm not sure how to do it with kids along....
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    I don't want to be poly under these circumstances

    If you were having an affair with a man whose wife didn't know, that would make you a cheater. I apologize, I didn't see the woman in question he'd had the affair with, I did not read all the comments.
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    It feels wrong.

    Four years without ever seeing each other in person? And NEVER having met? You can give this a try, if you want. I'm not seeing 100% that he's an awful person, just a severe lack of communication (maybe he didn't consider her serious enough during the weeks of play to mention her). You and...
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    I don't want to be poly under these circumstances

    Your story sounds like what my partner's ex convinced herself of. I do think you are making a lot of judgments and assumptions. For example, his ex also thought she had to love me, just because I loved her-- then-- partner. No. I just wanted her to get along with me. That's all he wanted...
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    I don't want to be poly under these circumstances

    I think it's pretty harsh to say he's a cheater. This sounds very close to my old situation, and since we're hearing it from HER point of view? I can definitely imagine this is the story my partner's ex fed her friends. I'm guessing the OP is a lot more at fault than she'd admit upfront.
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    Wearing a ring

    My partner chose not to wear his wedding ring, for fear of people thinking we were cheating. I'd highly recommend always putting trying in a very safe place so it's not lost. However he gave me a pendant. I wear it always, because no outsideknows what it means. But any one I'm dating knows...
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    Wife's Date

    If he's okay with his wife being in a long term relationship, but she's not okay with him hooking up casually with a woman, that's pretty selfish of her. Relationships aren't, This is what I like, so you have to want the exact same thing. It's about what do I want, what do you want, and how...
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    BF is vanilla with me, sub to his other GF. Need some perspective

    For one, it's okay that he shares something with someone else that he doesn't with you. I think you understand this a bit. In fact, it's good that he's not just trying to replace you with another body while you aren't around (Well, Sally is going to be busy some nights, so when she's gone...
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    Wife wants to now be monogamous

    I absolutely agree. The one thing my partner and I make sure of now is that everyone knows-- from the beginning!- that anything is possible. We're not going through what we went through with his ex again. If they're scared off by the idea of poly, it's better to find out before anyone is...
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    Wife wants to now be monogamous

    11 years is a long time to adjust to poly. I find it suspicious that her disinterest in poly happens at exactly the time you find someone. My partner's ex did the same thing to him. When it was about her, it was fine, but when it was about him, she suddenly wanted to go mono. You can try to...
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    Maybe I'm Not Cut Out for This...

    OP, Consider WHY you want a triad only. It sounds as if you aren't that set on it, but he is. My primary and I also want a woman interested in both of us. My partner and I believe in a multi primary system, let me note, it just happens to be just us two right now as priorities for each...
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    Primary asked for a break

    It's a legitimate concern. If my partner needed extra emotional support (and he has, for about three years now) I am more than happy to give it. He's going through the roughest period of his life. But that does NOT mean he gets to be my only relationship. I give the time needed to...
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    Is it OK to ask my partner to request that metamour not interrupt our time together?

    Yeah, I think you have bigger issues than her interrupting your dates. I think she IS in the wrong in many cases, here, but your original question (Is it okay for me to ask my partner not to talk to metamour at all during our dates?), I'd say no. My partner and I don't divide our time up like...
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