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Thank you so much for posting that, lol, I totally get it! I have rarely experienced compersion, just a taste here or there when it's been between two people I really loved. In my current relationship, I, too struggled with jealousy and envy towards my boyfriend's secondary (when he had one.)...

Hi Kniqo, Magical, strengthening and natural for whom? For you as an individual, perhaps. Maybe for your husband, it's hellish, weakening and unnatural (for him.) Can one argue that poly strengthens a marriage? Possibly, if both partners support each other and communicate and grow and...

A moment of profound loneliness yesterday. I was waiting for Sunny to come over, and he butt-dialed me. I knew he was at his exwife's house for his teenaged son's birthday, and I picked up the phone and caught a bit of Sunny interacting with ex and his little girl (I didn't hear the boy but...

The day or so before my period, I'm always over-sensitive, easily triggered, emotional, and irritable. Anything wrong in my relationship with Sunny surfaces. We repeat a discussion (is it an argument if voices aren't raised?) going in circles...feelings get hurt. It's easy to forget that we go...

Interesting question! My body count is "high." 50 at least, but maybe below 100. Lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend at 17. Became promiscuous when l I moved to NYC at age 20. I can't count the number of people I fucked for the next several years. I think I used sex as a way to get...

Thank you @HisPet and @LittleWords (and everyone else who sometimes responds) it is very nice to know I'm not trying to navigate this all alone. The day before Valentine's day I got a message from a woman I once loved. We haven't talked in 25 years beyond an occasional comment on each other's...

Agreed that the main issue with the number of lovers is not, strictly speaking, the number of lovers, but the fact that there's only so much time and energy one can divide between partners. But yes, it could be about anything. My ex husband was monogamous to me, but he was a workaholic. He...

Hi @Evie I'm sure you're right, it CAN happen. Sunny knew Mary ultimately wanted a full-time partner, I'm not sure if she wanted it from Sunny or not. In honestly, I'm not willing, right now, to give Sunny the time and space it would require for him to maintain another primary-type...

My boyfriend/anchor just got out of a secondary relationship with a woman much more conventionally attractive than me. I never saw her, but based on how into her he seemed, and knowing I'm not his usual type (he likes strippers) I surmised it. Now that they broke up, I asked him straight out...

In the wake of Mary's dumping Sunny (I have now learned that she had a stripper body, he felt like a bit of teacher to her, and she was very "sweet,") Sunny and I had our first real fight, I guess if you can even call it that. We actually both walked away from each other. It was because I felt...

I'm in a similar situation. Boyfriend of almost a year is a dedicated polyamorist, I'm more monogam-ish and struggle with wanting more of him. His secondary just dumped him, and now I'm thinking of doing similarly as I don't want to have to go through seeing him fall for the next woman, and the...

And just like that, I'm back on the rollercoaster. Sunny cancelled coming over last night because, apparently, the night before, Mary gave him the "I just wanna be friends" speech and he's hurting over it. Of course I feel bad for him. I can think of a couple times when I've been in this...

I've noticed I only write here when I'm feeling bad about poly, using this journal as a way to try to get the jealousy and insecurity out of my system and process. I never post when I'm feeling ok. Last several days, I've felt fine, maybe even hopeful. Sunny and I had a nice weekend together NOT...

My period finally came after skipping a month, it was a doozy. My boyfriend/anchor Sunny and I have been aware for a while that I experience a great deal of relationship dissatisfaction around my period. Like clockwork, I break down every 25 days. Relationship anxiety that I’ve been trying to...

Very interesting! Can't wait to hear what happened next

Sunny proposed a weekly schedule, offering 3 nights in a row of designated sleepovers (mostly at his place, all on nights I'm not on call for work.) He wants Sun and Mon nights for his own "self-care," in other words I should expect not to see him. One of those nights I'm on call and can't go...

@icesong, Yeah, the chances of meeting someone "organically" right now seem negligible during Covid. Anyone with half a brain isn't going to parties, events, etc.. Lately, my world has narrowed down to a bubble of very close friends, and we keep to ourselves. I don't see that changing in the...

I never saw "family" as a warm, safe place. I left home as soon as I was able. I haven't seen any member of my family in years. For a while, I had a husband. I could have had a baby, once, but I chickened out because I felt too old and my marriage was already breaking. I have a handful of...

I don't like having a metamour. I say this not because I want or expect Sunny to dump his other lover, but because I want to name the thing. I dislike sharing the resources of Sunny's romantic/sexual energy with someone I don't personally care about. Intellectually, I understand those resources...

Shedding tears from that story. Sending light your way