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I guess it shows that Sofia was right to have concerns. And honestly it makes me appreciate the bond and relationship between Sofia and me even more. We have certainly had our troubles but we have always been forthright with each other, at times perhaps to a fault.

Yeah. I mean, I can still play board games or whatever with him, but if he really wanted to be friends like he said, he should have said what he meant and not tried to take advantage of Sofia’s trepidations to bow out. I should probably not have been so credulous, in retrospect, but I really...

Well, I've come to find out now that while Sofia did have trepidations, it was, in fact, Ben who wanted to call it off, and he was telling me, “Oh, too bad Sofia says we can’t,” when he actually meant “I don’t want a romantic relationship with you now.” So I put myself out there, asking Sofia to...

Ben and I were sort of testing the waters of seeing if it was possible for us to hang out, and Sofia said definitively she does not want a triad and does not ever expect to be okay with it. Both Ben and I want to prioritize our relationships with Sofia over one with each other, so I guess that's...

I haven't asked for that, and I don't really think it would help. I have at times considered asking but it never seemed like it would really be productive. A little over a week ago I thought this too, but then we had a really good talk and it seemed like she was ready to work on our...

Well. Last night Ben and I had a date. We went out for dinner and then sat in his car for a while before getting a hotel room. And I forgot to check back in with Sofia to let her know what was happening. Ooof, major mistake. After a morning full of emotional text messages, we arrived at the...

My poly story is pretty new and developing, but when I first felt compersion it was part of a cocktail of powerful emotions that also included feelings of jealousy and feeling left out. I saw how happy being with this other person made my spouse, and I felt really good about that but I also felt...

I appreciate that. I certainly would not represent that we are out of the “forming” stage here and I think the challenges we are facing are very much of that phase. I think a big part of what brought us to where we are now was how great it felt for the three of us to be together, and now we are...

Well, I am definitely beginning to get the picture of why triads are difficult. For much of the last week, it seemed that Sofia was still needing reassurance from Ben that they were still good. Ben and I had planned to hang out on Saturday evening while Sofia was working, but then she had to...

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. After reading this, I spent some time with my journal and came up with a long list of answers to why I love Sofia, and why (and *when*) I want to have sex with her. In the moment I didn't have good answers, but when I sat down with my journal I had no trouble...

Yeah, I’ve been doing therapy since my “oh shit” moment when Ben and Sofia were getting together. Sofia suggested it when we were talking afterwards. At the time she had just started therapy again, but the therapist she was with didn’t work out, and that sort of soured her on therapy in general...

I think she is of two minds about it. When she is feeling better about herself and life in general, it seems that the "stay with Zed" thoughts win out in her mind but when she is feeling down, the "fuck it, this is too hard" thoughts win out. This has been the pattern for several months at least.

Oof. So last night while Sofia had to work late, Ben came over, we played a board game, had some intimate conversation, and we had sex. We both had a great time, but in the morning, Sofia was Not Pleased. I had asked several times if it was okay if Ben came over to spend the night with me, and...

There do exist intentional communities where this sort of communal child rearing is practiced in the West, without the kind of coercion and domination associated with cults. And there are plenty of non-traditional families out there as well, where such practices have developed organically out of...

Thanks. To be fair to Sofia here, she’s said that at the time she wasn’t seeking out more romantic attachments. She was seeking friends, as we had just moved across the country to a place we didn’t know many people, and the romance was accidental. I believe in seizing opportunities life...

Thanks for the feedback. I've updated the story to make it easier to read. Yes, I'm a man, and so is B (Ben) and S (Sofia) is a woman. I'm no stranger to my bisexuality, although all my serious relationships in the past have been with women, and the vast majority of the sex I've had has been...

My spouse and I were happily monogamous for years, and it wasn't any fear or anything that kept us that way. We talked about it and were open to the idea, but ultimately we felt fine how we were. It seemed like a lot of work to deal with more relationships, and neither of us were feeling driven...

I just signed up and noticed that the signup form required a binary gender selection. Is this something that is possible to change? I'm a man and okay with selecting "Male" but it seems to me that like a site like this should acknowledge that not everyone fits into a neat little box, gender-wise.

Hi, I'm new here, and pretty new to polyamory. For some reason I'm feeling compelled to write about my experience. Maybe I'm asking for advice. I'm not sure. The background is, I (a 40 year old man) have been with my spouse (Sofia) for 10 years. Almost 4 years ago we had a kid together. About a...