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    Was I unreasonable?

    So, he spent 18 months thinking about your feelings, but apparently never in that time thought “How would I feel if the roles were reversed?" If that’s the case, then I don’t really think he spent a lot of that time thinking about your feelings at all. If he did put himself in your shoes, he...
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    Well first off, we weren’t able to have a conversation at all the weekend after I made that post. Family dramas again with my mum being rushed into hospital again so I spent the weekend at my parents. We did eventually have an initial conversation on Saturday. It didn’t get very far. As I...
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    It may have been random, but it was also timely. It has prodded me out of complacency at a time when I needed prodding. Thank you!
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    I’m sorry to say I’m still waiting on the opportunity to initiate the conversation. Perhaps I’m making excuses to avoid a conversation I find challenging to start, but my wife’s health situation has taken longer to resolve than either of us anticipated. She had an operation a couple of months...
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    I completely agree with everything you’ve said, although it wasn’t an analogy. At least it wasn’t just an analogy, it was also literally true.
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    I am indeed happy with some feedback here. I have found it on the whole to be extremely helpful. I do have an issue with people presuming to know something about my marriage, which is different from anything I’ve said here. With the exception of sex, my marriage is very strong; at least as...
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    Thank you. It does sound like our situations are very similar. Your suggestion of regular scheduled talks sounds like something we could try, once we’ve had the first one. I never thought it would all be sorted with one discussion, I always saw this as the first step on a long journey, but a...
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    Polyamory songs

    Just bought an external CD/DVD rom drive because I’m fed up buying in digital format albums I’ve already got on CD. Just been going through all my CDs and found The White Stripes album “White Blood Cells” and the song Fell in Love With a Girl. First verse goes: Fell in love with a girl I fell...
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    I NEED HELP. I'M GOING NUTS. SIGIGHGHHHHH;:! [UPDATE]

    Sorry for making assumptions.
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    I NEED HELP. I'M GOING NUTS. SIGIGHGHHHHH;:! [UPDATE]

    If your bf is poly, then this should be relatively straightforward. Just have a conversation about you also exploring poly. Poly shouldn’t be something that is okay for him, but not for you. Talk to him about boundaries, messy lists, what kind of relationship dynamic you are open to. If he says...
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    Truth be told, I don’t know many Scots who would get all of it either. But if they went to school in the seventies like me, they would probably have learned it, even if they didn’t understand it.
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    So act now, don’t hang around waiting?
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    Thanks for that. I hadn’t heard of her before, but I’ve listened to her recite a few of her poems on YouTube. Some really powerful messages delivered with humour. I’ll need to order her book now.
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    You can always get the attention of a Scotsman with our national bard, although the anglicisation of the language is slightly jarring to me. As I learned it many years ago: That wee-bit heap o’ leaves an’ stibble Has cost thee monie a weary nibble! Now thou’s turn’d out, for a’ thy trouble...
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    Food for thought. Even after all the work I’ve done at I still making excuses and lying to myself about the rationale for not speaking up sooner?
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    Polyamory songs

    I saw there is a thread for polyamory films. I couldn’t see one for songs. This morning I was half listening to the radio when I thought I heard an interesting lyric. I looked it up and checked. It’s in the song Affirmation by Savage Garden and the lyric is: I believe that trust is more...
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    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    It’s been a while since I updated this. I’ve spent the time working everything through in my head and with my therapist. With my therapist’s help I’ve worked out a framework for a conversation. It’s not a script, because you can only do that if you’re able to script both sides of the...
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    I think I might be polyamorous

    This would be based on reading I did years ago. It does seem to have been a pretty widely accepted theory at the time see this review article from Peer reviewed journal evolutionary anthropology. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/evan.21345 My info may be challenged more recent...
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    New, from Scotland. trying to figure things out

    @MoPoly, thank you. I think you could be right about the Scottish trait or perfectionism. I do think it owes something to the way I was brought up. I think I was brought up never to show any kind of weakness or indeed softness and failure is weakness. That and this need to always put others...
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    I think I might be polyamorous

    I believe that there are evolutionary reasons for monogamy. As what was to become the human brain evolved, the time taken for that brain to develop its full potential also increased, even more so than the time taken to develop physically. (I’m thinking now of my 15-year old son who almost...
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