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  1. E

    How do I feel ok with my wife opening our relationship?

    Okay, I've clearly overstepped here. I do have some strong opinions, but I don't have the same experiences. I maintain we often take actions that are counterproductive and deepen the pain, but I understand why we do it. I'm out.
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    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    I dunno, my lovely gay therapist went to seminary, and look what that did to him! And aww hell no 🤣 I’ve got utter contempt for religion.
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    How do I feel ok with my wife opening our relationship?

    I’m popping up in this discussion for reasons I wasn’t immediately aware of. On reflection, I think I now know. Do not expect people to read your mind. Even if you’ve communicated this before. They still can’t read your mind. They will still rely on their own brain to determine what went wrong...
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    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    A professional who should know the damage rigidity does… Were they a pastor in a past career? Makes me think about all those people who talk to their religious leaders like they’re therapists, and they get them the same absurd rigidity. That’s why I’m changing careers into clinical psych.
  5. E

    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    “Lifestyle” implies out of the normal. “THE Lifestyle” implies there’s an ironically all-consuming not-normal staking claim to be more normal than other not-normals. Why not just dispense with the idea of normal, already? It’s a statistical distribution. Its proper name is the Gaussian...
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    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    Could we normalize our differences? Please? Denormalize normal? Just a thought.
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    Most Skipped Step (Full Article)

    Such a good article. This is really good advice for any couple, especially for folk who got married (too) young and have been enmeshed for a decade or two. When we started talking about what our future as a couple looked like, we realized our mismatches meant we needed to find out who we were...
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    How do I feel ok with my wife opening our relationship?

    Ah, well if that’s dinged, dinged shouldn’t be anyone other than dinged. 😁 I was just wondering because I’ve heard of this strategy being deployed before and I always found it rather counterproductive and self-gratifying. Maybe that’s the point?
  9. E

    How do I feel ok with my wife opening our relationship?

    Someone explain to me how using the pretense of going to the bathroom and then leaving without being clear that’s what you’re doing and why you’re doing it is somehow not indirect, passive, and/or passive-aggressive?
  10. E

    What does lifelong commitment in parallel poly mean?

    Both/and. I'd be tempted to answer that question rigidly since it was posed with a certain rigid expectation, but... why not both? I'd say it honors the feelings for who they are, were, and are expected to be in your life. It's also a commitment to let that bond mean you show up for them...
  11. E

    What does lifelong commitment in parallel poly mean?

    It certainly has meaning in our relationship, since we are very much primaries. And, to state the obvious, swinging isn’t poly. A safety net, to me, is just another term for the classical safe-haven/secure-base of secure attachment. In swinging, we don’t extend a safety net to others we play...
  12. E

    How do I feel ok with my wife opening our relationship?

    This is heartbreaking. She started with cheating over a long term, a choice she made. I've got a bone to pick with that, no matter how beautiful she is. That's where I would feel the pain, and I would feel that pain until something happened to intentionally heal that. If she didn't have the...
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    What does lifelong commitment in parallel poly mean?

    I'd love to chime in. Jess and I have talked about what we need from one another that puts us in the swinging camp over the poly camp. Safety net is a phrase that's come up frequently when we talk about what our lifelong commitment is. I might even coin a term "Safety Net Energy" if I had eaten...
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    I was drafting a swinging agreement with AI, and it produced horizontal rules (section lines). I...

    I was drafting a swinging agreement with AI, and it produced horizontal rules (section lines). I asked it to remove the horizontal rules, to which it joked "Aren't these all horizontal rules?"
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    "Lifestyle"

    My read from my observation is that swinging is a thing that people simply do, and poly can better cover identity, individually and as a relationship. "Lifestyle" evokes otherness and minority to me, both of which fit. They aren't the predominant relationship structure, features, or identity of...
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    Looking for poly events in Houston Texas

    That sounds interesting. There's also a Facebook group named "Polyamory Of Suburban Houston" or POSH for short. I haven't engaged with them yet, but that seems like a possible community to connect to.
  17. E

    Looking for poly events in Houston Texas

    There’s a decent community in Houston, but I’m more aware of the ENM side. The people I know are more “Swolly” (Swinger+Poly) than strictly poly. There’s a good club scene, especially in North Houston, approaching that enclave of white affluence known as The Woodlands.
  18. E

    Mono falling for poly guy

    It's generally best for poly to date poly, with that on the table from the beginning. But, let's be honest about the dating pool. It's hard to fault guys for casting a larger net and working with what they get. Especially for poly men, it can mean a LOT of effort for very slim pickings. I guess...
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    Relationship Skill Blind Spots

    I see the concern. Our therapist is poly (ambiamorous) herself. Ultimately, she’s giving a name to my wife’s discomfort. It’s been a useful way to think about it and what my wife wants from me. She was adamant that she “doesn’t share," but now she’s refined that thought down to not sharing my...
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    Relationship Skill Blind Spots

    Yeah, this can get thorny. I understand the difficulties, but it's also part of the trouble of a conversion, especially in an LTR. I want to respect everyone who might get involved and be upfront. Odds are I can't shift to proper poly unless we decide to wipe the slate clean, start from scratch...
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