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Your post didn't feel like a drubbing Marcelo :) It was earlier input that felt that way. Nor did it feel like prying. It is certainly an interesting angle, and one that I will consider. Thank you.

Yes, these chicks have often responded very well to what I am able to offer them. And these are the ones who have gone on to become friends. The ones who seem to have issues with their own mothers are those who have a problem with me.

redpepper, thank you for taking the time to write your long post. Yes, I do love him. Not just because he was able to see in me the potential for healing, but because he is patient and loving and all kinds of other good things. It's kind of irritating that it's been decided that my...

I am plenty strong enough. I'm known for it. I didn't feel that YGirl was concerned for me, it just felt as if she was having a go. As for looking at my shit - yeah, I'm able to do that, known for that as well.

Thank you Marcelo, this is useful food for thought. After the drubbing I received earlier, I am now chary of giving any more information. However, I can say that it has helped to clarify some of my thinking and experience. I will say this: T has not said to me 'I'm not greedy or needy about...

He doesn't "let" them disrespect me. He truly does not see that they are doing so. When I point it out to him, he can kinda see and understand what I'm saying but he thinks it's an issue between me and them, not all of us. And as I said before, I think that if we can come to a mutually arrived...

WTF yourself, YGirl. How very judgmental of you. You have no idea how my life works. Every relationship is a mystery to those who are not involved. I've answered questions here as clearly and honestly as I can. I've given information out because I am trying to find a way to understand and work...

In posts elsewhere, I've seen Mono refer to his mono-world view as a black-and-white view of things. I thought that was odd when I read it. But then, I'm not really a black-and-white type myself, and I just put it down to differences between people. And now I'm thinking that the whole mono -...

It does feel that way to me. As I said, when I first heard about polyamory, it just made sense to me. Yes, I have asked this question: of myself, and of L too. What do you get from them? Why are they attractive to you? I think it's this: L and I were friends for almost five years before we...

No problem :) I did think perhaps you'd assumed a friends reunited scenario or somesuch. I'm as cynical as you are about such things ;) Actually, I've found your input very helpful, thank you.

Wow.... Um... A lot of assumptions here, redpepper. First off, thank you for your kind concerns :) I didn't say that they treat me "badly", and I'm sorry if I gave that impression. They tend to be cocky and disrespectful, to be sure, but I am in charge in my own home. When we are out...

Hello Ceoli :) Sunny South London :)

Thanks for the links. I'll have a proper delve when I have the time to devote to them properly. NRE... yes, of course that's part of the picture. But it really doesn't feel like a crush. It feels to me like a deep true lasting connection. I've had crushes, and they're a lot of fun, but really...

I'm not sure I fully understand what you mean by "jumped ahead". Are you suggesting that I may not fully understand the concept? I'm sure that's true to some extent: after all, can you really understand something until / unless you live it? I have thought about polyamory a fair bit over the...

I'm happy to respond, especially to one so open hearted as yourself :) It's a great opportunity to explore and understand my own motivations and thinking. You ask how T and I have re-connected after so many years. I'll start by asking a question of my own: I'm wondering why this is relevant...

Thanks Mono, I found that very useful. I have wondered if perhaps it's just that L is more monogamous by nature than I am... And thanks again. Yes, I know that it's a big leap for many people. I think I am by nature more poly-minded. When I was in my teens I dreaded the thought of being...

Yes, I know this. L and I have been together for nearly twenty years. In that time, we both of us have had close emotional connections with other people, this has never been an issue for either of us*. Neither of us has ever made those connections sexual. Speaking for myself, I have certainly...

Thanks for the replies :) Yes, of course he needs time, I can see that. I am patient by nature, and T is also prepared to be patient. But I suspect that L may use the waiting game as another way to keep things on his terms. I don't like game laying. And I;m not even sure that L sees that it...

By not discussing it with me, he creates an impasse, which is one way to assert control of some sort, I suppose. It's funny... I always thought he was the more poly-minded of us, but it appears that I may have been wrong in this. No, I can't seem to find the magic words to enable him to...

I should add that I am present, reassuring, loving, attentive, responsive and mindful towards L.