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My perspective A friend pointed me to your thread as your situation is similar to my own 20+ years together, but we've been in different beds/bedrooms for well over 10 years now, my quarterly "bonus" became a yearly thing, and a few years back, I too was "authorized" to seek release elsewhere...

I agree with MusicalRose If you have a pitcher to hold water, and it has holes, no matter how much water you put in, it will never be full, it'll just make a bigger mess

This interface needs a "like" button...... To NYCindie: Like :-) We are all unique/special, but.... We are also all equals..... A certain humility is a good thing.....

My family is "service" centric. Priests, nuns, teachers, navel men.... Leaders, yes but always service oriented, grateful to help growth (spiritually, mentally, for man & country....). Everything discussed openly, even sex, but "straight" married sex (the objective being babies or his pleasure...

Quote: You know I totally was just throwing the "den of girls" idea out there as an example of the potential of my situation, it really did not represent what I am pushing on my wife. A lot of respondants are focusing on that, and that really isn't something that I said I was peddling to my...

Ok, playing devils advocate here..... Mostly because I dream of having a big house whereas I'm the only female and I've 2 or 3 husbands :-) A den of girls, a harem, yup, I can see the attraction Granted I wouldn't want to be there when their menstral cycles line up and there's PMS flying...

Asexual, yes, I checked that, indeed that does sound/suit him, but again he was unwilling to investigate/research further. This surprised me as I "pitched" it as a "safe exit" kinda thing, a way of being which is totally acceptable to me really, not my choice, true, but if he is that way, I'd...

My apologies, yes, I know he loves me, very much so I still get the moo-moo eyes, you know, those soft "I adore you" eyes that have nothing hidden, soul bare And I know he isn't going elsewhere (I offered any/all combination(s) & variations, with or without me - no interest) Though this being...

I believe love to be infinite, that within each of us is a "pool" of sorts, a never ending supply.... And that there are more kinds of love than we can possibly imagine, yet it all comes from this source within us, from this infinite "pool" Yes, sounds like NRE to me Yes, seems like there may...

Me & primary = close to 20 years Me & secondary = almost a year Why now? Because on my side, much of the preliminary rush of NRE is fading and I'm more & more comfortable with my second, want to spend more time together doing regular things (we have weekended together & done overnights outta...

I believe in quantum physics, if what you say/believe is true, Clyde, than so it shall be...... A monster, eh? You sure about that? The guidance/wisdom you offer/voice in your previous note, show me someone pensive, profund, caring, striving for balance, for truth, for love This is not...

You're beautiful Clyde.... I've a smile ear to ear, thank you Strangely enough, I think I get it.... a bit... Going to digest this smile a little more, ponder... Thank you.... :-)

Until a week ago, I never heard of this book. I did online test, sent him results, requested he test, repeated few days later without result - ie: no interest Without mowing such a book existed, we ave had conversations about perception of love, how one can do "x" but not valued/seen as love...

Clyde, You mention trying everything, of being naive.... How so naive? What growth, what addition night came to light, that gave you a new perception of your reality? I realize you may not want to share ths insight openly, or perhaps it was a series of things therefor too long to get into, yet...

I'm sitting here thinking of his face when we discussed tantric sex.... my god you should have seen him, was like I was asking him to eat worms (which surprised me as he's quite open minded on so many other things: holistic medicine, quantum physics, alt energy...) You're completely right...

:-) silly me, I didn't even check the dates.... and you're right, odd how some words/phrases tell us things we don't even realize are being sad :-)

Oh MoonGlow.... Hugs to you.... Hugs to all of actually Yes, I do think it's a deeper difference between us, it's not sex The lack of physical intimacy is symptom of something else While he has agreed, again, to get his testosterone evils checked, it's been a week and he's made no steps to see...

First off: Hugs to you StitchWitchD It's sad when one may begin to realize you're not getting what you thought/wanted to invest in Regardless of the "drivers" that knitted you together in the beginning, You've all grown as result of your interactions That you see this in yourself is a great...

GalaGirl, I'm going to have to digest this..... All of what you say is true, yes, but (and believe me, I hate "but"s)..... My relationship pattern(s) have shown me that I tend to be/become the alpha which, unfortunately, has shown the men in my life as eithe being passive-aggressive or they...

Agreed, honestly should be baseline in any & all relationships as far as I'm concerned..... Which is why I'm struggling with this I hate not being open about this Bothers my sleep, my work.... I just want to be happy and I want my primary to be happy as well Yet our needs seem to be so...