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Time mostly :) A period of time with very limited contact with girlfriend, which then caused a period of shared time where I had some time just with GF and some time with both women concurrently. Things then grew somewhat quickly, and about September last year we ended up spending 4-5 nights...

heyhey! I took a step back because some of the negativity from some of the responses was actively unhelpful. Then I got............ busy. Currently, we're all cohabitating. My wife, my girlfriend, her husband (who is now also my wife's boyfriend) and our 6 children. In general.......... It's...

Some validity there, but not a lot. I definitely don't take my marriage for granted. And *IF* my marriage does not survive then it will have been no one's fault but my own. Pretty much regardless of how we get there. Fortunately I'm not looking to convince anyone else. So that's basically a...

With the caveat that we are now only on day 3..... The vast majority of it. Definitely all of the dedicated us time. I'll have to let you know after Monday if I had "OMG! It's only MONDAY! When will Thursday be here???"

I'm still here for multiple reasons. I'm still finding this very helpful. There are several different views here, and they are different again from the views and opinions I have got and are still getting outside the forum. Yes, I'm not doing a bunch of things that have been suggested, some...

Sigh. Timing. Bad timing is the freaking BANE of my existence. "I suspect this is not an idea you'd take us up on". Yeah. This is an idea that I would've AT LEAST looked seriously at several weeks ago. Not so much now. Separation from the GF terrified me. I did it anyway. *IF* we'd done no...

3 at home, 1 at boarding school Your situation sounds horrific, and I'm sorry you've experienced that. However I have to say it doesn't sound similar to my wife's. Obviously I'm not her, and I'd imagine we have somewhat different perspectives on exactly what's happening, but there are...

Yes, thanks :) oldest child is 12 and in boarding school.

This bothers me A LOT (not that you've said it, but the situation). I feel my wife is isolated yes, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm WELL aware it's common control tool, and I've felt it before as well, but I don't know HOW to..... unisolate? someone. Particularly without...

Some definitely, some not so much. I have always been very affectionate, I enjoy touch, I'm pretty much incapable of walking past my wife without a caress. To the point that it has in the past created problems. 4 small children needing constant attention would mean that my physical closeness...

Not Aries no :/ I...... actually feel uncomfortable with the "validation" and definitely the feeling that the guilt can be spread around. It's one of the few areas GF and I disagree vehemently on, and it frustrates her.... significantly. 1) definitely doing. continuously. 2) Tried, failed...

This is an absolutely brilliant idea. (somewhat logistically difficult, but dealable with), and something that will definitely happen. Unfortunately what I really need is to go back in time and start doing it about 5 years ago :/ Historically we've tried a variety of different ways to deal with...

Thanks Shaya, I...... don't FEEL like I'm caught in a war here, and I am definitely feeling that this is helpful for me. Generally I'm trying NOT to "waste time replying to attacks on your character or baseless accusations", but yeah, there was a specific post where I was just "y'know what...

Yes. There have been 2 incidents that I would categorise as significant emotional abuse and 1 significant physical. Over 17 years. There have also been behaviours that have been pointed out to me by others as abusive. The significants are either significantly in the past, or a response to...

I have. And again. and again. and again. I'm not here to complain about my wife. I'm not saying that her actions are not understandable, or even (some of them) unjustified. but there is a limit to the number times you can accept deep emotional wounds from someone that knows EXACTLY where...

I may indeed be in the wrong place, but I don't know a better one. And I HAVE received helpful information and perspectives here (which kinda implies I might be in the right place). A polyamory board certainly APPEARS to be the appropriate place to start when the crux of my problem is that I'm...

Fair comments I am so completely in love. With BOTH women. I could wax lyrical about my relationship with my wife, the problems and issues we've had (A lot), the way we've resolved them (most of them), how much I value our marriage, How I want to grow old with her. About how I can't imagine...

I'm not sure that a non-polyamory board can deal with the concept of not choosing between them. My last counsellor certainly couldn't. As an affair that she is grudgingly consenting to

Valid. You haven't read anything particularly nice about my wife, or in fact my girlfriend, because this is long and dense enough already. We're at 11 pages!!!! How is knowing the things I love about these 2 women going to make any difference? I'm not asking anyone here to make a decision...

Shaya, Thank you, very well expressed. I think your definition of my goals is fairly accurate with the caveat that those are very short term goals. Fair Fair (although MAY be able to achieve might be more accurate) A point that I feel is absent here is around goals. If you are in a...