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    How to re-energize primary relationship?

    Thanks, everyone, for your responses, as hard-hitting as they may seem. I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but the primary relationship I am in now... it crept up on me. My guy and I started out as friends-with-benefits, occasional lovers, and for a couple of years, we were in and...
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    Confessing a Past Affair

    Confused, I guess I wasn't directly addressing the core issue of whether or not its better to tell the truth, whether its between adults, or between adults and their children. I would argue, in the latter case, that kids probably don't need to know all of the painful details of the truth, and...
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    How to re-energize primary relationship?

    I am also his caretaker because he can be a binge drinker. He's mostly functional, so its been tough for him and for us all to come to terms that he may be an alcoholic. I have bailed his butt way too many times. This is another thing we talk long and hard about. I'm not doing a good job...
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    How to re-energize primary relationship?

    Thanks for responding, you two. My boyfriend (not husband - I am unmarried) has been underemployed or unemployed for most of our time together. He'll be the first to admit that he doesn't care to work hard. To his credit, when I first met him, he was finishing a masters program, and for the...
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    Confessing a Past Affair

    The author of this post states in his reply: You could actually argue either way about Barbara. You could argue that she's being mistreated by not being allowed to view the full truth, but you could also argue that she's being helped by not being exposed to painful truths. You could argue that...
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    How to re-energize primary relationship?

    To elaborate a little, in the time that my primary was unemployed (and even prior to that), I acted as his caretaker as well as his girlfriend. It's ironic to me, now that he is employed (although in stop-gap work, not in the career of his choice), that I finally act on those frustrations and...
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    How to re-energize primary relationship?

    Friends, I would love some help here, if you have any to offer. I am deep in the mental rabbit-hole in a secondary relationship. It is supposed to be nothing more involved than a friends-with-benefits, as he and I are both in primary relationships. Our primary partners aren't supportive of...
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    Rough patches with re-opening relationship

    Amanita, Thank you for this reply! I, indeed, would like to hope that my primary guy is just experiencing jitters with truly walking this path. But, perhaps this is just wishful thinking? The conversation which you propose seems like a great starting point. I have a coffee-convo date...
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    Rough patches with re-opening relationship

    Thanks PolyinPractice I would rather this not be DADT, although it would only clear up for me in practice how much detailed information would need to be shared. I would absolutely love to practice poly with open metamours as friends, etc. Its something I have worked hard on, as I have burned...
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    Rough patches with re-opening relationship

    Lovebunny I ultimately hope that I can come to this understanding with my main guy. It is the kind that we hammered out last fall when he wanted to see someone. We do not live together, and only spend half of our nights together. Discretion is possible. I am seeing, in practice, though...
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    Rough patches with re-opening relationship

    London. Argh, I just wrote a reply to this, and it got munched by internet issues. You may be right, but if I have to give this up, I will be really disappointed. My primary guy maintains an OKCupid profile where he states he is in an open relationship and that he is open to making new...
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    Rough patches with re-opening relationship

    Hi, Folks. I am newish here. I've been in a pretty good relationship for a while with a male partner. It started out as FWB for a couple of years, which means we had no monogamous expectations, and we drifted in and out of each others' lives as lovers (but always remained friends). Two years...
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    honesty & wanting to be a responsible third

    ...and, since I feel pretty balanced in this situation (I don't want or need much more than I am getting, I feel very peaceful towards and supportive of his primary relationship, I don't feel jealous or resentful, I have a life outside of the relationship) I trust that *I* am doing all that I...
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    honesty & wanting to be a responsible third

    assurance He mentioned in passing, at one point, that she wasn't happy about "our situation," presumably because what started as "just sex" has lasted for a while now, and love and friendship have developed as well. I guess that his previous extra-marital partnerships had been shorter-lived...
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    honesty & wanting to be a responsible third

    following up well, this is old business, and the two of you who responded probably are asking yourselves, "wait, huh? what was this?" as I had conveniently deleted the original post... Back in April, I was freaking out because I started dating a man in an open relationship. We developed a...
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    honesty & wanting to be a responsible third

    add'l question I am wondering if it would be more fair, when I have this conversation, to disclose that I looked him up and that I KNOW that he is married and is a father, rather than ask him leading questions. I am concerned that he has been imperfectly forthcoming, but I did, purposefully...
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    honesty & wanting to be a responsible third

    post deleted follow up
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