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  1. L

    Does sex drive and erectile dysfunction goes together?

    My sex drive has gone up and down over the years (though different reasons to yours no doubt). I have found that when my sex drive is down or non-existent and I avoid sex or thinking about it my interest in sex stays at zero. I have got it back by finding something that sparks my interest, and...
  2. L

    Letting go of negative opinions

    Getting back to the original topic... I find it ridiculously hard to let go of negative opinions of me in any context, even of strangers - perhaps especially them as I don't get the chance to change their mind. I know it's silly but I don't really know how to not care. I have also found some...
  3. L

    theoretical question re falling in love with more than one

    Thanks guys! Sounds like anything is possible. Yes, that's very much how it is for my characters - she falls fast & hard for the first guy, and her feelings for the second guy sneak up slow-burn. I guess I partly had her relationship with Hal end in order to give her the chance to fall for...
  4. L

    theoretical question re falling in love with more than one

    A couple of years ago I started writing a novel (half-way done!) which, among other things is a story of a love triangle that becomes a poly relationship. This was long before I had an open marriage. (It's actually freaky how much my life has followed my 'art'.) I'd love to hear anyone's...
  5. L

    Components of a successful “STI Risk/Safe Sex” conversation?

    True - women do have barrier free oral (which just makes it harder for me to get men to accept fellatio with condom) - but I was really just talking about my own experiences which has been with men a lot more than women. I believe the topic is primary STD risk as given by topic heading -...
  6. L

    When Emotional Reactions Become a Problem

    Arius, my position is more like that of your partner's but I feel for you. I've been having a BDSM style relationship with my extra-marital partner for nearly a year. My husband is happy to have an open marriage but we find it best if I don't tell him much. I've wanted more openness and sharing...
  7. L

    Components of a successful “STI Risk/Safe Sex” conversation?

    I have found it necessary to be very specific when discussing safe sex with men as many, after agreeing to "safe sex" and condom use, assume any oral sex without a condom is risk free. The other thing is to make sure your fluid-bonded partner (if you go down that route) is on the same page...
  8. L

    Am I Wrong? (An RA Question)

    I wouldn't say patriarchal but putting sex above love or friendship does seem to be more common in males (from the stories & opinions I've heard online & in person) and this often causes problems in mono couples - After years of marriage if he can't have lots of hot sex with his wife he says...
  9. L

    Intro to me & my intro to accidental poly

    Thanks for your replies :) A few times I have asked M how he feels about me. He has expressed infatuation and is "extremely fond" of me and said he wouldn't use the "L" word as he "doesn't know what it means anymore". He has also expressed a wish to not complicate things, and keeping our...
  10. L

    Intro to me & my intro to accidental poly

    Hi. Not sure if I or my situation is technically poly. I say accidental poly because I didn't mean to fall in love and I gather just screwing around isn't poly but if love is involved it is - ? But then although husband knows and consents to me having a f'buddy, he doesn't know or consent to me...
  11. L

    working on it..

    I'm glad his response was encouraging and I hope it works out for you. I'm not at all surprised by his reluctance though, because what's in it for him? When we start out in a traditional monogamous relationship, it's not fair to blame someone for not wanting to change that or trying to force...
  12. L

    Casual love--YES, PLEASE.

    I enjoyed this article as it really speaks to the situation I'm in and something I'm struggling with at times. Just over a year ago our 20 year marriage became an open marriage by mutual consent with the view to having separate NSA sex on the side. But of course I went and fell in love with my...
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