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  1. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    It's amazing how the pandemic has changed my perspective on my relationship life. I've spent the last six months working with street =-entrenched, under-waged individuals, and people with various disabilities. It's made me focus on the priorities I hold as valuable, because I see them depending...
  2. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Also, how long can someone "enjoy a crush?" It's been four years of this! Sure, it was way more intense to begin with, and has had its cycles, but surely there's a limit on enjoying a crush. When does it just become absurd and a little manipulative somehow, really? If he was jealous because I...
  3. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Thanks for this. His marriage is closed and he is trying to stay in it. He's said as much in the past. I think he was just glad to hear that my heart is still with him. I think he thought I had moved on. I'm trying to move on. At least, it seemed to loosen up our lack of knowing where we are...
  4. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Well that went well, I think. He came in to ask how things are going and what our plans are at work for the next few days. I gave him an update and asked if he wanted to sit for a sec. He said he couldn't and I asked him why... "Really? You have to rush off to do next to no work?" He said that...
  5. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Things have changed fast these last couple of weeks and not because I made any decisions. As it happens, my boyfriend got sick on our way home from our trip and has been self-quarantining since. He has a different virus than the Corvid 19 one, but his boss said he's to stay home with pay and...
  6. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    While I was away, I made some discoveries. I'm nervous to share them here, but I think I need to start really pushing myself to trust again that I can be vulnerable and that it will be better, in the long run, if I am. I've always benefitted from writing and sharing, so I'm trusting that I will...
  7. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Thanks for this. Since I've been back, he's pretty much ignored me. The first day I got back to work (Tuesday) he just looked to see if I was back, the second he waved, the third I approached him and he said he had to go, and then yesterday (Friday) he talked to everyone around me (something he...
  8. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    That's fine. Glad you're well and happy.
  9. redpepper

    Having the strength to do what’s right

    The last post. Oh, how I wish I had understood what this post meant back then. 3 years later, the deception was revealed and the damage done. It's sad and painful to think of this time. I miss him terribly, in this moment. Two souls are lost to each other now, and for what? *head shake* I just...
  10. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    What are you referring to, please?
  11. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    I feel so on the verge. There's been a shift again somehow, and I don't want to miss a moment. The sun is shining. There have been some conversations with peers that have made me feel there is movement. This time, instead of trying to figure it out on my own, I thought I'd write here. See what...
  12. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Oh my goodness... We need to catch up! I'll read your blog.
  13. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    I just caught up on some blogs. Wow... My life is so boring in comparison, lol. I'm totally happy with that and really happy to read up on some old friends. I'm so glad to read that people seem to be living their lives and enjoying them, as they should be and always have.
  14. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Uh huh. My dream was from my 20s and it took until my late 30s to make it come true. I have different dreams now. Mono was the biggest deceiver and liar, because it was on purpose. Perhaps everyone played their part, though. Deception and lies were everywhere. I also lied to myself and deceived...
  15. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    No, I see him when he drops my clients off for the day. Sometimes he picks them up too, and on those days he takes his break close to my building. I usually take my half hour break at that time and go for a walk. That's where this all started, 18 months ago. I would walk by his vehicle and we'd...
  16. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Exactly! Summed up well.
  17. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Really interesting comments here. Thanks for the chance to pause and think. Thanks for giving me the chance to say more about my thoughts. I have thought about my idea of integrity (I don't believe I said honour, might be wrong though) and I would not want this man as he is now. My respect for...
  18. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Heeeeyyy, there's no "like" button here, but it's always nice to be greeted by old friends so I thought I'd just give you a wave. :)
  19. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Could you say more in this please? I'm not sure I'm getting what you're saying here. And I'd like to.
  20. redpepper

    Redpepper's journey

    Hi there, Thanks for asking. It worked out in terms of learning, for a time. There were conflicts as to how we should operate and many people objected to how we approached some things. Ultimately, it was a really good experience. I feel closer to some of the people I met in the group and feel...
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