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  1. River

    Trying to gain understanding

    I cannot for the life of me understand why in the hell anyone would want to beat or be beaten in the context of an ostensible erotic encounter. Can anyone please help me to make sense of why anyone who is psychologically healthy would want to beat or be beaten as a "turn on"? That said, very...
  2. River

    What are the signs my wife is hinting for a open relationship?

    I would like to take a moment to point out that there are several differing kinds of "open relationship". Some which are sometimes called "open relationship" are only open for casual (outside a pair bond) sex without a meaningful ongoing connection. That is, the agreement here is not to fall in...
  3. River

    Buddha Dharma & Polyamory

    "I did discover that Buddhists generally advocate for monogamy...." Maybe so, but so what? I mean you can pick any religious, spiritual or philosophical culture or subculture and a majority may generally favor monogamy -- because the dominant culture does. I don't think there is anything...
  4. River

    Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

    A beautiful textile garment with great crafts-person-ship, indeed. Love the careful and well crafted use of grommets. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corset Perfect item for steampunk gatherings! I'm happy that women today are not expected to wear these now, routinely -- as once was the case...
  5. River

    Hey! I'm Hassan

    Hello Hassan, and a hearty welcome! I hope you write at length here, because I find your writing very sincere, vivid, meaningful and full of zest and sincerity. You clearly have much of value to bring to our little virtual community here. Welcome! I think you're right. The level of...
  6. River

    River's Blog

    Yesterday my girlfriend called me chica (Spanish for girl). She loves it that I'm so androgynous, and emotionally closer to "feminine" much of the time. I'm so lucky it hurts. 'Course I've been calling her "dude" for a while before she began calling me "chica". We're both non-binary and very...
  7. River

    River's Blog

    Some poems about love and other unfathomable mysteries https://theswallowtail.substack.com/s/poetry
  8. River

    Questions about sex

    I write both philosophy and poetry, so it goes with the territory. You might be surprised to learn, as I have, that half of the words we use are not words which are held in common framing, and so we mostly talk not so much with but past one another. I was shocked at the extent of this in my...
  9. River

    Questions about sex

    Apology accepted. You can call me River.
  10. River

    First time having negative emotions in poly

    1. Men in the dominant culture are usually not very good at empathy, compassion, kindness ... and communicating. This is due to the typical "masculinity" training pretty much all men got growing up. It's really not entirely their "fault" -- and fault isn't really the topic at hand. Sensitivity...
  11. River

    Questions about sex

    Incest is all about sex, and doesn't happen without sex. Why muddy it all up with the mere presence of deep affection and love? Actually, in the most important recent example where there has been a lot of obvious affection shared, the husband was always present! He didn't seem to be bothered...
  12. River

    Questions about sex

    Hi Bobbi. I'm curious what you mean by "romantic" in your above comments. I asked ChatGPT about how this word is usually used in relation to relationships. Me: "Is it generally assumed by people in English speaking countries that "romantic" relationships either include sexual intimacy or...
  13. River

    Questions about sex

    I get it that this info is available online, and I've been looking into it. But I'm also interested in people's personal perspectives, experiences and opinions as part of my learning process.
  14. River

    Questions about sex

    Is the intrauterine device (IUD) expensive? Effective? Safe?
  15. River

    Questions about sex

    Seems sound advice. Thanks Kevin. Funny that the only time I ever considered becoming a father as a plausible option is with my current girlfriend. Such an odd sensation! But I know I could have my sperm in somebody's freezer, just in case! What a weird thought! Does it even matter whose sperm...
  16. River

    Questions about sex

    " ... although they do prevent STI's and pregnancies." They may do this ... when they do not slip off during intercourse. Seems to me the risk of them slipping off is far from negligible. I've spent some time just playing with them (and myself) and testing them out, and they seem far less...
  17. River

    LDR advice

    What is an NP?
  18. River

    Questions about sex

    I'm probably a very rare example of a bisexual (maybe also pan-sexual) man, in that I've had extremely little sexual experience with female-bodied persons -- even though I'm (these days especially) equally attracted to guys and gals / men and women. I've been in two long term partnerships with...
  19. River

    Questions about sex

    That definition of "closed marriage" seems to me far too narrow and restrictive. In my experience, it is unusual for couples to close themselves off from even very strong emotional connections with others, including profound loving friendships. I was bewildered when I learned that one of my...
  20. River

    What are the characteristics or qualities of emotional and relational maturity?

    "The ability to appreciate your partner for who they actually are and not for the part they play in the story you are telling about your life." Wow, this was remarkably well articulated and really stood my ears up! Indeed, I felt a strong pulse of energy in my body when I read these words...
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