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Yup, the time will very soon come for me to say that no matter what he is thinking or wants to commit to, I cannot marry him on that day. I wanted it to be mutual for the sake of future possibilities in our relationship. I wanted to wait until after the therapy session that I hope he will join...

Ps, to anyone wondering how I persisted in being a jerk about the wedding to my fiance as late in the game as I did: I actually didn't know what he wanted or needed exactly because he would either care-take me into feeling okay, even if he did not himself feel okay, or otherwise remain mum on...

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I only became sure I wanted to postpone the wedding today. I brought it up to my fiance this evening. He was non-committal as far as what he wanted to do. He didn't actually say he would stop drinking, he said he would stop abusing alcohol and scale it back...

Well, folks, I am actually now at peace with telling everyone the wedding has been postponed. It is some of the only peace I have know in the last month. As we barreled towards our wedding date, my fiance persisted in drinking to the point of drunkenness every day. He was emotionally...

How does a temporary split differ from a permanent one? Is it really possible to split temporarily?

He is persistently angry and it is directed at me. There is stuff that has troubled our relationship in the past and he won't believe when I say I've learned or changed (I have), and won't have enough faith to test out whether I have learned of changed. He traps me with verbal tricks. When he...

We're not getting married unless and until its happy and wholehearted.

I guess that didn't come across quite right. What I meant is that I have sincerely disinvested from the wedding. I want to let the wedding go for right now if it means building a stronger bond with him. I wanted to take pressure off him about the wedding and also show him that I was...

Well, we talked. More talking, less glaring, which is good. I offered up the wedding postponement and he didn't snap it up, so maybe a desire to get married as planned is still rolling around in his noggin. We talked about a lot of things that he was specifically angry about, which is lot...

Thanks for the wake up call, NYCindie and everyone else on this board. I appreciate it so much. It actually has mad a big difference to me.

Thanks for the sage words, everyone. We had actually gotten to a point prior to the breakup where we were both okay with how the wedding was. At least I think. We made it much smaller and pretty inexpensive. He has a tendency to not say what's bothering him, and rather to expect that I...

MrFarFromRight, Kinda harsh, but I can see how you would be confused and concerned by my posts, nearly all of which of occurred during intense periods of unhappiness. My fiance and I dated for several years in high school, broke up and then got back together a number of years later. We've been...

I've got my faults, too.:-) Honest to god. But working on them. For example, we had a lot of conflict over the wedding planning during all this with me not listening enough to what he wanted (I am not a bridezilla, btw :-) - i just wanted a celebration of sorts, where he wanted extremely...

Thank you for the hug!

I hope the wedding is still going forward. I'm continuing with it as if it is. Two things need to happen before then: My fiance needs to be through his grieving process enough so that he can love me openly and be happy on our wedding day. I need to have been able to talk about him about my...

Probably a GF who has a primary of her own. The entire time we were together, I felt like it was on my shoulders to make her happy. She felt comfortable and loving with my fiance from the beginning,and he with her, and it was early on decided that it was mainly my problems with "being close to...

All of this is really challenging: Don't let my discomfort in seeing them in pain make me shut down hold them when the want to be held Leave when they want me to go (but be close by) Listen when they want to talk Wait when I don't know what to do next I'll add one more: Don't take the grieving...

Anyone have any ideas about how to facilitate the grieving process when someone is in this state?

He likes giving affection, he loves loving, he loves taking care of people, and he's great at commitment. In retrospect it becomes a little more obvious that he was enjoying this situation, whereas the GF and I were just trying to make it work. And not that often being successful at it. If we...

We had been in a triad and our girlfriend broke up with us a couple weeks ago. She was not happy in the relationship. She needed really to have a primary partner rather than dating a couple. I knew she was unhappy for a long time, and it really ruined the relationship for me. I could never...