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Can you elaborate on this? The way it is phrased makes it sounds like it was premeditated - which would be really manipulative.

Can I clarify: Matt - did you have these feelings of wanting Si around less before before becoming romantically involved with her? If not, I think it will be inordinately difficult to separate your strong feelings of guilt from your feelings about Si in general. Even though you didn't actually...

MoD - I just wanted to add that I totally see where you are coming from on online dating. For me personally, the activities that I find fulfilling and enjoyable are "alone" type activities: reading, laying in the grass thinking, more reading. They cannot be parlayed into a means to acquire a...

I agree with putting that information front-and-center, but as a man you may also want to temper it with the fact that you are, indeed, looking for something meaningful and committed. Even as a poly myself, I am exhausted from dealing with guys that are just looking for a easy lay - dating sites...

Honestly...I kinda disagree with this. You two were together for 5 years, planned on being together forever, and it has only been about a year since that ended. I don't think it is at all unusual for her to still be dealing with the grief of that kind of loss. It doesn't sound like she is...

I hesitate to add this for fear of straying off topic, but it an oft-repeated misconception that there are "plenty of kids waiting to be adopted." This was true decades ago, but not today. While technically true in the strictest sense, there are huge waiting lists for children under age 5 that...

For me, my primary is my husband. We are life partners, first and foremost. He has made it clear that he does not want anyone else to share that place, in my life or in his. No matter how important another man becomes to me, he will never live with me, or share finances or major life decisions...

No, it isn't. Perhaps for you, having been to jail is less of a dealbreaker than being trans, and to someone else (me, for instance) it isn't. To some men, the fact that I can't bear children is a deal-breaker, to others it isn't. To many men, having breast implants or not shaving would be...

Hmm, upon a second reading, I realize I sounded harsh. Sorry about that, its a bad habit of mine. I'm sorry you're hurting - the situation you are in is a very difficult one, there is no easy solution. I don't know you're fiance, but it might help to make the analogy of having multiple friends...

This sounds more serious that simply wanting to not be monogamous. If your need for sex is so strong that you can not function normally, you should see a counselor. Even if your relationship with your fiance was open, that doesn't guarantee you won't have dry spells of monogamy (or...gasp...dry...

We were totally closeted for a long time for a few reasons. We run in very conservative circles, for one. Also, our situation was more that I was poly and dating, and DH was mono, so he didn't feel there was any benefit to him in us coming out, yet also felt it could cost him in terms of social...

I think what you are feeling here is totally understandable - and not even 100% "primary" or "poly" related. His texting etiquette is just very poor. I've had to deal address similar behavior with DH, even though he doesn't have other lovers. He just has a lot of friends, and likes to stay in...

Not to belabor the point, but I don't think you need to restrict yourself to alternative lifestyle counselors. When I sought counseling, I was actually looking for specifically a Christian counselor - so I thought it would be almost impossible to find one that was open to my poly lifestyle...

One of the things that has come up for DH and I is the difference between how women tend to experience sexuality and how men do. Men tend to see sex as more of an act than women do, and women tend to want (or even sometimes need) more of a connection person-to-person with their partner to have a...

For me, I always go back to these two passages: 1 Corinth. 6:12 "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." Matthew 7:18-20 "A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit...

I find this: and this: ...disconcerting. Personally, I don't need or want to know every detail of my hubby's dating life, but the agreement we have is that we don't actively hide anything. It sounds like your agreement is similar. If I were in the same situation, I would have the...

You can't choose your parents or grandparents. And even if I could, I prefer more give and take in relationships. When I love someone, I want them to be happy, and all the better if I can be the cause of that happiness. Yes, occasionally that means setting aside what I might want in this very...

This kind of stuff happens even outside poly romantic entanglements. :( My BF and I haven't been together long enough to warrant spending holidays together, but DH and I deal with a similar rigmarole every Thanksgiving and Christmas, with two sets of divorced parents. That movie Four...

This is the perfect situation to seek a poly-friendly therapist!! A therapist will let you brain-dump all your balled up thoughts and feelings, they know what questions to ask you to help *you* be able to start to sort through them, and they repeat back what you said in coherent ways so you...

I would just say "Hey, I think you're cute, can I give you my phone number?" and offer my card. He'll either say "No, sorry, I have a girlfriend" or "Sure". Either way, he'll be flattered, so you shouldn't have to switch grocery stores. And actually, even if he rejects you flat out and you still...