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Excellent points, redpepper. I was so looking forward to having a coffee date with my bf this past Thursday so I could talk with him, but alas he had a family emergency with one of his parents and we've had to postpone. Argh.

I certainly hope he will be relieved. I don't want to cause him yet MORE unpleasant feelings.

Excellent points, Moonglow and good observation. I have come to realize more and more (as I've done a TON of thinking lately) that I am, in fact, banging my head against a wall. I've decided to stop. We are getting together for coffee in a couple days and I'm going to let him know, gently, that...

That's a good point. I do believe control has a lot to do with it, for sure.

I have a question I would like others to ponder. This is not to open some heated, argumentative debate but a thoughtful discussion and brainstorming. I really am curious if any others have thought about this from this angle. Why is it okay for one person to hold power over another person and...

This would apply if he would actually HAVE sex with me. LOL The guilt has put a complete halt to that. And he's just gone back to being miserable. Obviously any improvements made in his life have to come from him. I understand this.

You make some excellent points, Derbylicious. Thanks for your input.

I'm so sorry to hear this, Magdlyn. :( Hang in there.

I'll just throw in my quick story of how it happened for me/us. My husband knew who my 'crush' was, but had only heard of him and knew I worked with him. My 'crush' and I actually had our first two dates (after confessing our feelings for each other) before he and my husband met. My husband was...

the other side It is interesting to see the other side of the situation as yours does have some commonalities with regard to my bf. I wish you two could meet and talk. I would be interested in hearing more about your situation, how it got that way, what you've done to try to rectify it (if you...

Thanks, Carma! My husband is the most awesome guy in my world, for sure! Thank you for your kind words. You know, I've been venting my frustrations regarding my bf to my husband and my sweet husband is the one encouraging me to be patient with the situation. I wish my bf could take all the gifts...

You've all made some really good points. I am pondering. Thank you.

Thanks for sharing, Magdlyn. I would like so much to bring this man some joy as well, but not at the expense of my own happiness. Since the guilt is hanging so heavy with him and he seems hell bent on being miserable I am going to put the ball back in his court as he works out what he needs to...

He is well aware of any legal action he could take, but this could very well end up with what he doesn't want; his kids being without both parents in close proximity to them and on a daily basis. It's truly a power and control situation, bordering on domestic abuse (minus the physical violence)...

Part 3 @River: Sadly, I agree with your remark about my bf being a hostage (a willing one) rather than a husband. And yes, his actions and words indicate that his self-esteem and self-worth are extremely low, which could end up being the ultimate cause of the failure of the relationship. I am a...

Part 2 @nycindie: I believe you have possibly got the mark right with regard to the wife stating she’s opposed to him finding intimacy elsewhere, but may, in fact be accepting of not knowing about it. My research into the Japanese marital culture would indicate this is a common phenomenon. So...

The long response. I may have to do this in several part as it is long. My apologies. @redpepper: Yes, he does feel guilty for the reasons you mentioned. And she has also broken his trust, faith and commitment to him. I’m a firm believer it takes two to make a relationship work and it takes...

First reply Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies. I am still digesting but there were many useful things said. I don't necessarily agree with everything, but I'm not going to get into a debate. I will say this real quick: Yes, my husband and he have met and my husband is quite...

Here's my situation, which I'm sure is not unique. I just haven't met another soul who's been there done that/doing that and I'm hoping perhaps I will here. I have been married for 21 years. We have a FANTASTIC relationship. We married young and sure, we've had some rough spots like anyone, but...

Just joined the forum a few minutes ago. So glad to have found this site! I am in a very happy, stable marriage of 21 years. We grew into an open marriage about five years ago, but didn't obtain any new relationships until just recently. Since I am the jealous one my husband knew it would have...