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What do I mean by unconditional love? Great question! Instead of hijacking this here thread, I'll start a new one on the topic. Immaterial

Welcome! Sorry such a painful experience brought you here but perhaps this is all to the good eventually. Immaterial

I highly recommend Codependents Anonymous. You should be able to find meetings in your area through a Google search. Sadly, there aren't as many active groups and meetings as there probably should be. (ha, or am I just being codependent in saying that?) Immaterial

Hmmm. I sense an awful lot of game theory and "strategery" going on in your thinking and re-thinking. One up or one down sort of territoriality. I can't function very well in these scenarios and I end up losing my bearings and making a lot of mistakes, stepping on toes, missing my own intuition...

You have been thinking of her almost entirely in terms of what you can get out of her. It's no wonder she's not interested. You seem to be increasingly angry and frustrated simply because she's not putting out to your standards. This seems like a fairly thin kind of love that's got some serious...

I didn't know this, thanks for the clarification. I am truly child free as I never wanted children, don't have any, don't want any and can't imagine changing my mind. Immaterial

I think for folks who are looking for this sort of exclusive bonding and this completely wide-open sharing of everything, this is a wonderful agreement. At this point in my life, I'm more of a "separate vacations" kind of guy. :) I have experienced this "sharing everything" desire not as an...

I'm glad I may have been somewhat helpful. I am actually new to all of this too. But if the heartbreak of my many mistakes and rip offs and missteps of the past can be useful somehow, then that's really cool. Immaterial

My recent SO, who felt monogamously toward me (although she has been poly in the past), wanted to be involved in all of my sexual activity. If I masturbated to porn, she wanted to be there. She wanted to not be absent from any of my sexual behavior, ever. For her, this is what monogamy with me...

Not likely. She hasn't shown a willingness to actually engage in much of a conversation. She does agree that the best therapeutic journey for a couple is based on not having any underlying agenda (for example, trying to make the couple be monogamous) but I suspect she has the unconscious and...

Yeah, it's a good thing to be considerate. It's also a really good thing to not tend or caretake another person's emotional reactions to the truth. EP, it really sounds to me like you did *precisely nothing* wrong. L is really laying a heavy trip on you about shit she definitely needs to take a...

Closeted homophobes are dangerous! The worst homophobes are the gay or bi ones. Go figure. Immaterial

Perhaps you can find a way to feel 100% committed and loyal and have more than one love or lover at the same time? Part of my emerging clarity is to realize that what I have yearned for in intimate relationship has been honesty and transparency, that these qualities are where I am able to make a...

The finest human beings I personally know were raised by community parenting situations, not the traditional nuclear family. I have seen a very strong monogamous relationship with a wide network of additional "parents," similar to the extended family idea where grandparents, old siblings...

It's so beautiful when we find a partner with whom we click. That NRE is the greatest drug in the world sometimes. J sounds great for you. I have completely tossed aside my poly leanings and my definite non-monogamy over and over again because I really wanted to make a monogamous relationship...

What sort of falling out did you have? What do you mean you feel you are better for her than the boyfriend? I'm not sure why taking another romantic partner would have much bearing on how you feel about J and her boyfriend. You write: "I've considered leaving the arrangement...." It sounds...

Fascinating story! Did you want feedback or were you more sort of blogging? Immaterial

I think I've taken titty fucking for less than $500, but that's another story. Immaterial

mutual masturbation and hand sex for $1000, Alex. Immaterial

Hey TruckerPete! haha. Love to know what's behind that screen name someday. :-)