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This weekend I've had some really incredibly emotionally jolting realizations about myself. Coming here about it in hopes to not feel so crazy/selfish/what have you. The prospect of threesomes have come up in our poly family lately. Primarily and experience that Zed has expressed wanting for a...

It doesn't make any sense to me either, nycindie. I didn't want to believe he was that shady, but if that's how he really feels about it then it's better I let it go and move forward. Just trying to be the bigger person here and move along. It's just a bit difficult.

It was confirmed tonight that he did leave with the girl he claimed raped him. I'm not even angry on a jealousy level. I'm angry now that he put me and my whole family at a health risk and that he was never going to tell me. I'm struggling now with the idea that he has no idea that I know the...

Now that things are finally done with Cuba, I feel a strange sense of relief, mixed with grief. Of course it's less painful and more easy to let go of because of the circumstances, but there's still that empty sick feeling when I realize again that my time to hold him is up. Trying to just get...

Broke up with Cuba last night. I didn't really know how else to start but had reached a point where I could not sleep or focus on anything. I finally shot him a text message: "Would I be completely off base to feel like we're on two different pages right now?" He responded by saying he wasn't...

Yes, actually. This is one of the things he has opened up to me about over the course of the past few months. A couple of times, his depression has been brought up by him and I've talked to him about it, tried to give advice, pet his ego (completely truthfully, as I saw him as a wonderful human...

I haven't bothered contacting him. Primarily because that's what I've done pretty much every time. I wanted to see how long it took him to acknowledge his own promise. Which I don't anticipate happening until he questions me on the time I claimed to be in town. A scenario in which I don't know...

*I KNOW THIS IS VERY LONG. IM SORRY ABOUT YOUR EYES* Cuba and I have been seeing each other with benefits for about 6 months now. When we first began, I disclosed what this means: Honesty, Trust, Communication. I would love to have something more than FWB, but I enjoy his company either way...

Meh. Shit like this happens. I just really wasn't expecting it to be Cuba to pull something like this. I'm having a hard time being too upset because of the nature of our agreement, but at this point I really feel very disrespected. I still haven't heard from him. I genuinely believe that he...

I'm doing much better today. My energy levels aren't where they need to be but that's because of some of the recent issues I'm trying to work through. Meanwhile I'm realizing how incredible my relationship with Dean is. His loyalty to me astonishes me more and more. Then today, as Zed and...

Yea, I'm done with those. I can't do that anymore unless the guy is pretty darn special.

This past weekend didn't really go as well as planned. Cuba was accepting of my affection but rarely reciprocated. A few events happened Sunday which made me quite uncomfortable. Ill probably be ending it with him as soon as he follows through with the text he promised two days ago. Now I'm...

I now just have to figure out what all I need to say to him. Do I explain?

It's a very strange feeling...I questioned for a moment what I really had a right to be upset about. Until the ride offer and lack of follow through on contacting me. It just seems really odd that he goes out of his way for someone who has done him so terribly and yet he can't follow through...

He would be if I felt any sort of appreciation from him whatsoever. I felt kind of like a stray cat this weekend. He pets me when I rub his legs but that's about it.

Welp, that was a botch. Waited up for Cuba to get home til 3am. We spent time together until he fell asleep around 4. Sunday I tried to get some time and requested lunch with him. He agreed but it never worked out because he was with friends. Went to the final comedy show with him where he...

Zed wants me to embrace my sexual potential because I've expressed feeling suppressed. He wants me to be comfortable with myself and my body and not embarrassed by it. He also knows I have moments of losing myself and enjoys seeing that part of me. I have trouble expressing myself like that...

I'm doing pretty great for the most part. Been trying to prepare for the weekend. I've been in a weird mental space trying to manage some of Deans jealousy towards Cuba's time. He doesn't cause issue but his distance during these times bothers me. And I'm not certain how he may react after...

Toothaches are the worst, dude! I've had an abscess, a broken, and a cracked tooth that I've had to have pulled. My dentist offered a root canal, but they're just back teeth so fuuuuuuck that.

I've actually been spending the last several days connecting with Zed. We talked more in depth about what's been going on with him and it is much deeper, as I anticipated. His relationship with Pixie has caused an interesting growth experience for Zed. Their relationship has made it much more...