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Oh yeah and that naiviete with Dunning-Kruger effect makes them VERY vulnerable to predators in the kink community. I see them make bad decisions all the time. They'll post pics of themselves Hustler style spread-eagle w no consciousness of how that could backfire on them years down the road.

I think it may also be the case that younger people are more open to poly relationships. On other forums, I see a lot of complaints about the dating pool for poly people being real shallow. I personally haven't done online dating looking specifically for poly or open people, but despite my age...

Why do you keep nitpicking about specific ages? Good grief. This is not helpful and all it does is expose your screwy views about women. Stop trying to justify that you like to chase much younger women.

I don't know. We started doing a lot of relationship work together before this all blew up. We were really making progress. We just hadn't focused on trust issues, which is what I think we needed to be looking at.

There's one particular thread on the poly subreddit where a man and his wife opened up, and his first contact was a 22 y.o. (They are in their 30s.) Replies urged him to tread cautiously, with many women who are older now reflecting on how they thought they were so smart in their 20s and not...

I could send you plenty of threads on the poly subreddit. Google age gap polyamory.

When did I say that? How would it be hypocritcal, if I did feel that way? I'm not going out and hooking up with 20something guys to boost my ego. And they do hit me up. I don't need that kind of validation. I have a great body. I also know it won't be that way forever. I'm almost 60.

"While I think an older guy only looking for women in their 20s is icky at best, and potentially predatory or abusive, an older guy who dates younger women AND women closer to his age is likely just a person open to possibilities and judges things on a case-by-case basis." I hadn't thought...

Oh no. I'm sorry. Not physically cornering, metaphorically cornering. Putting me in a corner, forcing me to be the one to decide. But then when I did, he just wants to convince me otherwise.

I was looking at it as "pressuring," but yeah... thanks for pointing that out. In my mind, I wasn't even thinking we'd end it and never talk to each other again. There's "de-escalation." We could be friends. We could detach just enough that I would feel safe and not wary of the potential drama...

And yes yes yes. With you on financial independence.

Whew, just be careful. Be very careful. I was talking to my niece about all this. She has a daughter in her mid-20s. Her daughter can't understand wanting to date someone her dad's age, and she sees a lot of her peers fetishizing older men. It typically doesn't end well. It was interesting to...

Yeah, and that really plays out in a lot of domestic violence situations.

Yes, and for sure, people have made that argument. But there is still gender privilege. I have always been expected to just go along with what my partner's wanted, and it led me to some really harmful codependent relationships. "I'm gonna drink all night if I want to!" "Having the freedom to...

This is a really great discussion, all, thanks for participating! It's helping me and I think we're raising some pretty important questions.

You raise a very good point. Perhaps this is masking a deeper issue of me not being happy I got drawn into drama with the other women he's seeing. At this point, if we want ANY kind of relationship (and I have considered "de-escalation"), I think we need a referee.

Let's also not ignore all the societal messages older women get that we should be put out to pasture once we hit a certain age :/

No, because it isn't all about money. It's about the level of life experience, wisdom, naiviete or the lack thereof, and maturity.

Oh, for sure. But in my experience, I was treated very carelessly by younger men, due to their lack of maturity and experience. All of them, honestly, and I dated quite a few.

Honestly, I was willing to sit down with him and have a conversation about our different needs, to see if we needed to think creatively, to see if we actually COULD meet each other's needs in this relationship. But yesterday he cornered me and talked about me being controlling, manipulative...