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The tone is would be best described as cold.

Thanks for all your thoughts/insights. I don't think I shut him down when he need to talk. I more have to draw him out when I need to know things or when he seems to have something weighing on him. (Re: Pie--I offered it to him and he asked where it came from. So I told him.) I'll try asking...

I don't gush about her, nor talk about her all that much. And I have asked how much he wants to know. All he's said so far is "I don't have to know everything." I try to tell him only as much as seems necessary. At this point, there's not much to tell, but if and when it progresses to physical...

Hi all, It's been a long time since I've been here. I'm bi, married for many years, broke up with my first GF in March and spent the year coming to terms with that. It was hard, but I'm better now. I've been seeing another woman recently, although still platonic while she decides how she...

Fascinating article, icesong. Thank you so much for posting it. I've never read this theory before.

He likes the idea of having sex with someone else--we've been together a loooong time and so that would of course be exciting. But otherewise no, he's not all that into it and he hates the fact that it's now a distracting thought in his brain. He works a lot and he doesn't like anything to...

Third wheel. That must be terrible. Something for me to think about. My husband felt like the third wheel, my GF felt like the third wheel. I felt like I was making everyone unhappy.

I'm sorry it's been so rough. I didn't want to generalize it as a guy thing, but I think it is kind of a guy thing. And I think that's a pity because there's so much benefit to getting different perspectives on things from people who know you in different ways. We can get into thinking ruts...

Yes, you sound like my husband too, CTF. Except I'm the only person he confides in, which I don't think is a great thing. It's hard on him not having someone outside our relationship to discuss the relationship with--he says that often--and I feel a lot of pressure as the everything in his life.

I imagine my husband feels the same way about the effort required for emotional entanglements. But he's also always felt that way about the complexity of my platonic friendships--they just seem like a PITA to him. Whereas I find them necessary to my well being--I don't want/need a lot of friends...

Yeah, I wish I were attracted to the idea of strictly recreational sex. I did that when I was younger but it no longer appeals to me at all. I need emotion too.

I can't imagine needing or wanting another man in my life. My husband is the only man I want and need. And I don't for a minute suggest that one can't be bisexual and monogamous. But for me, having both a man and a woman in my life made me feel complete in a way that was utterly exhilarating...

Gosh, what you say, CTF, about the energy and the questions it brings up in the mono partner's mind is *exactly* what my husband has been saying this week. Actually, everything you say (except the kids part, we don't have any) is like you were eavesdropping on my husband and me in the few days...

Thank you!

I know. It's crazy. It's the craziest thing in my life. Her ability to walk away is not my understanding of love. When it's good, it's so damn good. And then it's not. I hope I heal fast too. Either that or she comes to her senses. Thank you.

Thank you. No, it isn't what I want. I thought I did and I want to want it, but I don't. And I feel strongly that we just panicked and blew the whole thing up. But I don't think I can do anything about that. I don't know. I hate that she said "we both know" when I guess she was talking about...

Trying not to cry at work. Just coming here to say that because I have to say it somewhere.

Even without the challenges you have faced, I can relate to the exhaustion of tending to lots of people's feelings while also trying to tend to your own. Emotional energy is not a bottomless well. It can run dry and that kind of exhaustion is profound. Add to that the energy drain of illness...I...

I really had some hope the past couple of days that we just jumped the gun. It was the first friction we've had that was not directly related to the poly structure and we choked--partly, I think, out of fear that after years of yearning for each other, we might find that we couldn't fill each...

Two different therapists after two different breakups. But maybe, as they say, third time's a charm. I would love to figure out what it is that has so enchanted me about her. And "enchanted" not in a good way. Thank you again. You have helped nudge my thinking in another direction. I wish I...