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We've been completely out of contact for years at a time. I thought about her Every. Fucking. Day. Years in therapy dealing with it. It's a nightmare. She's my kryptonite. My hope is that since is the first time we've been together under optimal conditions (she no longer married to shitty...

Thank you Leetah. I know you are right, that I just need to ride the grief to the other side. That's the only thing to do. Smart Girl and I have broken up so many times--often for years at time--and I never seem to come out the other side. It's horrible. She's an addiction. Maybe if I can...

Hi, I've been trying to PM someone and while it appears the message sends, it doesn't appear in my sent folder. I have tried twice. I don't want to barrage this person if they are going through. I want to be sure there's not something I'm misunderstanding about how this is supposed to work. And...

Oh I also want to get in my car and drive three hours to her house and beg her to take me back.

I have loved Smart Girl for more than 10 fraught, complicated years---since before she was married. We've been together to varying degrees over all that time, and had a serious long-distance relationship for about a year, since she and her shitty husband finally split up. It's been a process for...

I think it might be easy, after bringing up the subject of polyamory or anything sensitive, to then fall into a sort of guilty "I have to do everything/anything to make him/her feel better" mode. It's like, after you assert a need that separates you from your partner, you try to restitch the...

Narcissists are infamously charming. They can deceive even the smartest cookies. I am a smart, reasonably accomplished, fully rounded, independent woman who never in a million years would have described myself as codependent--until my GF suggested I read Codependent No More, and I was shocked...

Woody sounds like a kind and insightful man.

Ah, I'm sorry. That sounds hard--or maybe it's the way you like it? Sounds like you get a lot of your needs met by Woody. I can't complain about the amount of time my husband and I spend together. We eat together most nights, we do things together on weekends, we travel together. A number of...

Yes, you're right. I really have only a couple of hours a day with my husband under normal circumstances, although we do cook and eat together most nights and interact in the morning before he leaves for work. (I work at home or in a co-working space, so my mornings are leisurely.) He goes to...

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful, helpful responses. GalaGirl, you are remarkably generous and I needed that gentle spine stiffening, thank you. I've had an amazing few days. I had an excellent conversation with my husband on Friday night--the first time we've managed to talk about...

Also, what are the kinds of things you do for pre- and post care of your partners?

Thank you--this is very helpful. Both DH and GF has expressed at one time or another the whole "You want too much" and "having your cake" etc., and "I don't feel sorry for you." So I know the resentment is there. And yeah, I guess I haven't given a lot of thought to the concept of pre- and...

The people you love resent the crap outta you? Sometimes it feels like both my husband and my GF resent me--they feel I'm getting away with something. That whole having my cake and eating it too thing. (And, as I said elsewhere, it's a lot of cake for one person.) It's not like I don't...

Thank you for the thoughtful feedback and advice! I have a house full of guests this week and may not be able to respond fully right away, but I am reading and absorbing every word and am grateful. More TK

I'm new to poly and am struggling with the learning curve. My husband agreed to let me have a relationship with a woman I've been friends/lovers with on and off for many years. She and I are back together after a three-year break, during which she divorced. My husband is not thrilled, but he is...

Wow, impressed! Were you and your husband both interested in opening up the marriage or did one have to persuade the other? I want the same upbeat energy you have!

Thank you! These links are really interesting. I will keep them on hand for when I think I can share them. I sent my husband Franklin Veaux's site last week, I know he's read some of it, I don't know exactly what. I have to be cautious about overloading him with information and let him go at...

Hi all, I'm hoping this forum will provide a place for me to talk/vent through the challenges of making polyamory work. While I have friends who know my situation and want me to be happy, they don't really get it and are mostly holding their breath (with trepidation) waiting for it all to blow...