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I wouldn't discount your mother's alcoholism as a contributing factor. People pleasing, going along to get along, and anticipating others needs (and placing them above our own) are common traits of adult children of alcoholics... even for those of us whose parents were functional alcoholics. I...

There's nothing wrong with wanting your marriage to be monogamous. Honestly, I sometimes miss the simplicity of monogamy myself. I think the more relevant question is: can you be happy and fulfilled in this marriage, as is, without sexual exclusivity? We only get one go at this life, is this...

I've struggled with some of the same issues. I've been working through them in therapy. In my case, it's plain and simple codependency. Are there any alcoholics or addicts in your family of origin?

I read this when you posted it on the other thread, icesong. It really resonated with me. I was in a monogamous relationship for 25 years that very much turned into a prison for me. The legal piece of paper kept us together way past the expiration date of the relationship. It kept us together...

You look so young!! Happy Birthday, Dark Knight!

I'm not adopted but my partner, Blue is. I can't relate to his experience but I can certainly see how it impacts him.... and by extension, me and his other partners.

My cats actually did well on the car ride when I moved 16 hours away. We split it into 2 days. The siamese howled, but then, I would have been shocked if he hadn't since he was a howler. I'm not sure there is a good way to move a cat :/

Good luck on your first day!!

The only part of the problem we can fix is our part. Doing that will automatically change the dynamic between you and Ms. Fisher, but you can't fix her end. So stop focusing on it, focus on your part and what you can change. Like responding instead of reacting, holding your boundaries, not...

Spitfire doesn't have to like your therapist! Your therapist is for you, not Spitfire. Any good therapist is going to encourage us to grow and change, define our boundaries (and maintain them.... or adjust them, as needed.) Some of those changes, our partners may not like. In my experience, if...

I'm wondering if the issue for Kay isn't so much what day the handfasting is on but more the fact that you get the legal ceremony? If that's the case, making sure she has benefits and protections as similar as legally possible to those you will have may alleviate some of the tension. Or, she...

Lots of poly people have fwbs. There really are no "generally accepted poly principles." It's as simple as just what works for the people involved! (For me personally that means everyone needs to know about everyone else and happily consents to a poly relationship.) Has new partner given a...

I am so sorry, Bluebird. It's been a rough week for you. I am glad Mister Moonbeam is getting the help he needs. And Bug Girl is in rehab. I hope it works!! My family member is not ready for rehab. Self care for me, means anything that soothes and refreshes my soul. For me, that can be a long...

Agree with this. If I were the OP though, I would want to delve into what keeps attracting me to women who are attracted to women. I am a firm believer that we don't end up in relationships on accident. The fact that his first marriage was basically sexless because his ex wife preferred women...

Very thankful for the verdict! I hope the change will not just be holding individual officers accountable but actually making meaningful change, too.

I'm sorry, Bluebird. I'm going through something similar with a family member currently. It is heartbreaking. Take extra good care of yourself!

Codependency is much more than just an entangled relationship. It's an enmeshed, unhealthy way of relating, common among those who have been raised in or are in households with addiction, abuse, or members with significant mental health issues. I have struggled with codependency from being...

That's awesome! Congratulations, Evie!

I don't think you're selfish. As you've said, you have researched, sought therapy, pushed beyond limits you never thought you'd push, and you've tried (and enjoyed) swinging. Knowing what you want is not selfish. Nor is it selfish to pursue what you want (in your case a monogamish marriage with...

Given the new information, I would discuss it with your partner. If he can afford it, a better mattress for the guest room makes the most sense. I am sorry you felt attacked. I'm certain that was not anyone's intent. The posters on this board just tend to be blunt and not sugar coat things. To...